My roomate drinks in front of me all the time
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 11
My roomate drinks in front of me all the time
I am trying very very hard to recover and to not drink. But my roomate always opens my favorite beers and other drinks right in front of me. I have not asked him to stop and I don't intend to. Why should he have to quit drinking just because I want to? Nonetheless, it is very hard for me. He just offered me a beer and I turned it down, but I still want it. I want to sneak a nip of gin from the freezer but I haven't let myself do it.
Part of the many reasons I am trying to quit drinking is so that I can improve myself and my life, get a better job, and move out of here. Do any of you have advice about how to handle this situation? I haven't gone more than a few days in a row without falling off the wagon. I really really really don't want to screw up.
I could use any advice. Thanks, InAJar
Part of the many reasons I am trying to quit drinking is so that I can improve myself and my life, get a better job, and move out of here. Do any of you have advice about how to handle this situation? I haven't gone more than a few days in a row without falling off the wagon. I really really really don't want to screw up.
I could use any advice. Thanks, InAJar
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
I had friends who would offer me drinks too - if you've explained your situation, and the offers keep coming, you need to make getting out of there a priority.
Support was very important to me - it would be even more important if I was in that situation - what support are you using beyond SR InAJar?
D
Support was very important to me - it would be even more important if I was in that situation - what support are you using beyond SR InAJar?
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 11
I don't have any other support. I have had to move to a new city because of my job. Also because of my job, I have to live with my coworkers. That may sound strange, and it is, but that is part of this job. I won't bother to explain that circumstance further, other than to say I agree that I need to get out ASAP.
I want to make some healthy friends so I at least have somewhere else to go. I just joined a gym so I can go there after work rather than coming home with all these people again. My roomates/coworkers are pretty miserable and boring and they just watch TV. It's easy to become like the people you spend the most time with.
I want to make some healthy friends so I at least have somewhere else to go. I just joined a gym so I can go there after work rather than coming home with all these people again. My roomates/coworkers are pretty miserable and boring and they just watch TV. It's easy to become like the people you spend the most time with.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
A recovery group like AA or SMART holds no attraction for you InAJar?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
D
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Hi inajar...and welcome!
That's a rough situation you are in. First I would see if your room mates would help you...if not a new living situation is important.
Check out a recovery group and hang with us.
That's a rough situation you are in. First I would see if your room mates would help you...if not a new living situation is important.
Check out a recovery group and hang with us.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
I think you have given yourself a bit of advice...you want to improve yourself, have a better life, better job, and move out. Despite your circumstances, you are trying to recover and quit...and not drink.
That's your answer...don't drink. If you do, you know you'll be right back in the same cycle you were in. Be better, be strong and you will be surprised at the change within yourself. You will have the strength to follow your ideas.
Reggie has a great idea. I just got back from my meeting. It was a nice meeting. We were all happy, comfortable and best of all...sober!Great friends, great times!
That's your answer...don't drink. If you do, you know you'll be right back in the same cycle you were in. Be better, be strong and you will be surprised at the change within yourself. You will have the strength to follow your ideas.
Reggie has a great idea. I just got back from my meeting. It was a nice meeting. We were all happy, comfortable and best of all...sober!Great friends, great times!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Great Outdoors
Posts: 1,992
You know it is one thing to have to deal with drinking roommates..partners etc but quite another thing when they offer you drinks..unless..you haven't told them you are trying to get sober? Tough spot you are in my dear. I hope you can get out of there while keeping your sobriety in tact..and somebody is always here 24/7 if you need to chat..Good luck to you.
Snarf Snarf
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: ATL
Posts: 835
Sounds to me like you need a new roommate.
I'm very fortunate in that I live with my fiancee and she wanted me to stop drinking for a long time. So when I quit drinking, I never had to worry about her drinking at home. I actually have to assure her when we go out that it's OK for her to have a drink. But I can imagine it would stink to live with someone who was not only drinking in front of me but offering it to me as well.
As others have said, I would try to explain the situation to your roommate and see if he wouldn't mind taking it easy on the alcohol when around you. And as you said, part of your motivation for not drinking is to move out of where you're at. So hopefully you can either come to an understanding with your roommate or get yourself into a more comfortable living situation.
Good luck with both your recovery and your living situation. Remember that you can always come here to talk with someone or just read posts if you're starting to feel down or like you want a drink. Having a non-drinking friend you can call or spend time with helps a lot as well.
I'm very fortunate in that I live with my fiancee and she wanted me to stop drinking for a long time. So when I quit drinking, I never had to worry about her drinking at home. I actually have to assure her when we go out that it's OK for her to have a drink. But I can imagine it would stink to live with someone who was not only drinking in front of me but offering it to me as well.
As others have said, I would try to explain the situation to your roommate and see if he wouldn't mind taking it easy on the alcohol when around you. And as you said, part of your motivation for not drinking is to move out of where you're at. So hopefully you can either come to an understanding with your roommate or get yourself into a more comfortable living situation.
Good luck with both your recovery and your living situation. Remember that you can always come here to talk with someone or just read posts if you're starting to feel down or like you want a drink. Having a non-drinking friend you can call or spend time with helps a lot as well.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 11
Thank you all so much for the support and wonderful ideas. I probably do need to join an AA group in my area. I feel nervous about that and don't really know how to approach a group, but I am going to try. I do feel its a life or death situation for me at this point.
I told my roomate several times that I am trying really hard not to drink anymore. Telling him that has made him more difficult! He says things like, "when you get over this "non-drinking thing," we can go out and do X."
I have a hard time eating anything when I try to quit drinking as it is and it is even harder with the fridge full of what he knows is my favorite beer. Just today I made tacos for myself and I sat down to eat them and he opened a beer and plunked it down beside me and said, "how can you eat your cooking without washing it down with this?" He's right, I actually do have a hard time eating my wretched cooking without washing it down with beers. But I was proud of myself because I just walked into my room instead.
I am working so hard on finding another job. I think I'm going through withdrawls and everything but I still have not given in. Day three.
Thank you guys very much.
I told my roomate several times that I am trying really hard not to drink anymore. Telling him that has made him more difficult! He says things like, "when you get over this "non-drinking thing," we can go out and do X."
I have a hard time eating anything when I try to quit drinking as it is and it is even harder with the fridge full of what he knows is my favorite beer. Just today I made tacos for myself and I sat down to eat them and he opened a beer and plunked it down beside me and said, "how can you eat your cooking without washing it down with this?" He's right, I actually do have a hard time eating my wretched cooking without washing it down with beers. But I was proud of myself because I just walked into my room instead.
I am working so hard on finding another job. I think I'm going through withdrawls and everything but I still have not given in. Day three.
Thank you guys very much.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
I had a friend like that too...whether consciously or not, I think he felt my decision reflected badly on him, and he missed his on call drinking buddy...
He had no understanding of alcoholism, he just wanted to go back to the way things were.
I had to cut that guy loose, I'm afraid.
D
He had no understanding of alcoholism, he just wanted to go back to the way things were.
I had to cut that guy loose, I'm afraid.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 11
Yea, I think that's a big part of what's going on here. But in the end, I know that I am responsible for my own decisions, no matter what anyone else does. Still sucks, but I'm getting through it. I know my life will improve faster without alcohol than with it. Still sucks though.
Guest
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Sunny FL
Posts: 647
Sounds like he is doing it on purpose. Maybe it's hitting too close to home for him. I understand the "life or death". I truly believe it is for me. Be strong. Be firm with him and tell him to knock it off. Good luck and congrats for hanging in there so far.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: New Orleans
Posts: 58
InAJar:
I had -- HAD -- a boyfriend who left glasses full of beer on the table when he left the room and drank all the time in front of me. He is no longer the boyfriend and I moved to another residence. After 6 years together. Drastic, very painful steps, and much needed and worth it. Sounds like you're doing really well under tough conditions. I hope you keep it up. I've found all the support on this board very helpful.
I had -- HAD -- a boyfriend who left glasses full of beer on the table when he left the room and drank all the time in front of me. He is no longer the boyfriend and I moved to another residence. After 6 years together. Drastic, very painful steps, and much needed and worth it. Sounds like you're doing really well under tough conditions. I hope you keep it up. I've found all the support on this board very helpful.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by InAJar 
Thank you all so much for the support and wonderful ideas. I probably do need to join an AA group in my area. I feel nervous about that and don't really know how to approach a group, but I am going to try. I do feel its a life or death situation for me at this point.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 1,028
Well, seems like when you can you need to get out. As I'm sure you know. AA is a very friendly environment and you don't have to walk in a certain way. Just go. I have more friends now than I know what to do with! LOL
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