saphira

Hi everyone,

I haven't posted on here in awhile, mainly because I've been drinking on the weekends for the past few weeks and I felt guilty coming on here. It is so frustrating for me--the weekends for me are so completely different. I sail through the week without a drink; I don't even think about it. Friday morning I can't believe how great I feel and am even more determined to stick to my guns...then the day creeps by and as I near 4 or 5:00, I start to think about drinking. What harm could it do? And I find myself drinking my way through a pint or more of whiskey. I do this each night of the weekend and if there's any left on Sunday night, I drink then as well. I wake up feeling so crappy and start over on my sobriety plan on Monday.

Well, today is Monday and even though I am determined as I always am on Mondays, part of me wonders if I still am lying to myself. I don't understand how it can be so easy for me to get through the week and struggle so much on the weekend. I don't know if it's because I'm sensing that I really never will be able to drink again or if it's just because the weekends used to be the time that I would allow myself to drink "guilt-free."

In any case, this has to be it for me. I am so sick of worrying about my health--paying attention to every little twinge wondering if I'm about to have a heart attack or stroke. I'm sick of this cycle and need to make some changes.

Have any of you found this same week/weekend problem? Does anything help? I've heard people talk about how you have to change everything in your life but is there anything specific you found helpful?

I know one thing I need to do is to keep coming back here on a daily basis. When I totally quit before, this site helped me more than anything else did. You all gave me so much strength--I'm looking for a little bit of that again now.

Thanks for listening!

CarolD

For me to finally quit...regardless of anything else going on....
I had to want to stop more than I wanted to drink.


I sure hope you reach that turning point soon...

recoverywfaith

Thank you for sharing...I commend you on your courage. Have you tried AA? It has been a great resource for me in helping me stay sober. As well as SR and taking it one day at a time in prayer.

1undone

I think it's harder for most on the weekends - lack of structure, that being the time you can really get loaded due to (and not for all) not having to work the next day. Add to it a holiday weekend and Wohhhhhaaaa

I had to go to 3 AA (3rd one tonight) meetings this weekend and keep things as low key and simple as possible. I also come here.

I am going through the grieving stages when it comes to sobriety. At first I was in denial, then I was angry, now I go back and forth on anger and sadness. I feel like I broke up with a boyfriend. LOL It's actually easier to view it that way as I have experience with that and I know it gets better. The only problem is the boyfriend (alcohol) can show up at any moment at a social event, on TV, in the store, etc. So I have to have a plan for "him" emotionally.

I hear where you are coming from. It is harder on the weekend but like you, I'm tired of the "game." I'm tired of wondering if I will wake up and then when I do feeling like I'm going to die until I drink again - and the cycle continues....

YOu are not alone - yeas that may sound corny but it's the truth. I believe the AA meeting and this place are keeping me sane! LOL

April999

Hi, weekends can be tough. You can try to plan some activities that don't involve drinking or volunteer work for the weekends to keep busy.

artsoul

I drank most every day, and work at home, so every day was pretty much the same for me. Still, when I got sober, the weekends were the hardest. I think that's because of the image we have in our heads and the idea that everyone is out partying....

Getting through the first couple weekends isn't fun and seems strange at first. But it really does get better once you have a few under your belt. For me now, there's nothing better than Saturday and Sunday morning waking up without a hangover. You can still make the weekend special..... maybe by doing things you don't normally do during the week: going out to eat, starting a project, pampering yourself, relaxing, going to a meeting or spending time on this forum.

I'm just glad you're here. Support is so important!

saphira

Thanks you guys. 1undone, I LOVE that analogy of the boyfriend/breakup thing. That's exactly how I feel when I don't drink too. It's a good way to think about it. It seems more manageable that way since we've all been through it! Thanks for the support everyone.

Anna

Hi,

I'm glad that you recognize you need to stop drinking and that the weekends are a problem for you.

Early evenings were really hard for me, so I decided to start taking long walks. It was amazing to me that those walks helped me on so many levels - physically, mentally and spiritually. So, when do you buy alcohol for the weekend? If you buy it Friday after work, try planning something else after work. Maybe you can plan some outdoor activities for the weekend such as hiking.

Zebra1275

Not only are weekends tough, as my drinking progressed they got longer. Eventually my weekends became 7 days long.

Do you have a program of recovery you are working on? For me AA helped.

Dee74

Welcome back Saphira

What harm could it do? You already know the answer to that.

I tried all manner of crazy things to keep drinking in my life when all it bought me was misery.

After 20 years of madness, my life improved the day I let it all go and accepted I was now a non drinker for good.

I hope you get to that point too Saphira

D

least

The one thing more than anything else that keeps me sober is gratitude. I am grateful for my blessings and reflect on it during the day. I am so grateful for my sober life now that it reinforces my wish to stay sober.

saphira

Thanks for all of your responses. I think it makes it more difficult for me that my husband is a manager of a chain of liquor stores here in town. I know he doesn't try to be an enabler for me, but I know that in order to get booze all I have to do is make that phone call to him. So when I do have moments of weakness, it is very easy to get alcohol. It doesn't give me the time of getting ready, driving to the liquor store to think, etc. My husband is extremely supportive, and even though he knows I have "issues" with alcohol, I don't think he wants to realize how bad it has gotten. In his way of thinking, as long as I only drink on the weekends I'm "ok". I know differently now. I do worry about his line of work though. He has agreed to stop drinking with me, but he does have to attend work events which all involve alcohol...not drinking to party but beer tastings, etc.
When I quit before, his job made it all more difficult. Sometimes we'll both grab a book and read independently on the couch. I was reading a book about alcoholism and he was researching alcohol. It makes this whole thing very difficult. He does not have a problem with alcohol and in fact, it's his job to try different drinks and buy products for the store. I'm not quite sure how to get around this.
Anyway, thanks again for the advice...I'm determined to be done for good!

mubu

Hi Saphira,

I like the break up analogy as well, it definitely feels that way. I just completed my second weekend without alcohol, and it was difficult.

A positive for me was while I was taking an early class at the gym this morning I didn't feel dizzy or nausea from drinking the night before. I often felt that way when exercising on the weekends because I had too much to drink the night before. Waking up is also much easier, and I don't feel the need to stay in bed just a little longer.

Glad you are back. Hope this is a good week for you!

ulverston

go to the gym on the weekend.
turn your negative thinking and free time into a time for you.
releaes thoose endorphins..

i know when i do a really good workout it beats any high from alcohol.
you feel great and look soooo much better.
and the reward the next morning when you wake up sober is fantastic

saphira

I definitely do need to start exercising--I've heard that's key to sobriety! At the point I'm at now it seems like an overwhelming task though as I am more out of shape than I've ever been. At this point everything is painful. But I will give it a try! I know that I need to help my body along as far as healing, and really it's been so long since I've actually been decent to my body. Maybe I'll start with a nice walk with my dog today. Thanks for the advice.

newstart75

I understand the weekday/weekend drinking thing saphira, as 1undone mentioned, the unstructured time factor is a big one for me. Since getting sober again recently my toughest time of the week is Friday night... Even having plans for the weekend I get edgy, irritable...tired and I'm discovering the feeling beneath that is loneliness - coming home to an empty house and not able to soothe the self pity with a bottle of wine (and it was never that effective as a pick me up anyway, especially towards the end).

So I go to an AA meeting now on friday nights and even if I feel pretty ordinary I always feel better afterwards for having gone. and waking up fresh on Saturday and Sunday mornings is unbeatable!

Your partner's job does make it tricky - I hope you give this a try though, it sounds like he will be supportive. Good luck

lovingit

For me, the work week lasts forever, so when the weekend comes, I know if I drink, then pass out, it's back to work already. If I don't drink, the weekend goes by alot slower. Just a motivational tool I thought I'd share.

ulverston

i used to find the first week back was the toughest ..

but when you exercise your body you will find it responds very quickly..it is natural to exercise ,the body must stay active or it atrophies..
feed it well and make it sweat to get all the alcohol out and you will feel soo much better

yeahgr8

Its amazing looking back on the guilt and exact same fears i had as you do...it's such insane behaviour...i remember looking at it like most people would feel like that if they drank like i did, well they didn't! I knew lots of heavy drinkers that drank more than me and they didn't ever, ever feel like that, not once and i knew them as close as you can get!

Still with that evidence that there was obviously something very wrong with me i would still focus that simply stopping drinking was the solution...point is get some help in whatever recovery program you choose to get to the bottom of why you feel like you do when drinking and when not in the next dry spell, that way you won't have to keep repeating the vicious circle of alcoholism...good luck:-)

2L8

I'm with you on this one. This will be my 1st weekend in a long, long time without drinking. I figure the best way to get through it is to stay busy. I was lucky enough to find an 8pm AA meeting on Friday night then plan on taking the kids bowling or to the movies. Saturday will be the gym in the morning and more things with the kids at night. I too would drink all weekend then stop for the work week. Where I know I'll miss my weekend routine, I look forward to not being a tired slug all day Monday recovering from a weekend of drinking.

I'm sure I'll be on here this weekend reading more blogs to keep me motivated. Hang in there and best of luck to you!