FJCruisin

I need help right now. I got sober last year and my wife has always been unsupportive of my recovery. She smokes pot daily and I think she is an addict. We have been fighting tonight. So much to the story I don't feel like telling right now, but long story short i threw her pot out. She tells me I'm mean to her, but she hasn't been suportive of my recovery and never even said she was proud of me when I got my one year chip, she says, because I'm crazy now. She says I'm making her change and I suppose I am, because I don't wish tolive with an addict. She's a very light user, but once daily and says she has to take something anf that I would rather her take something un natural like Zoloft or paxil. I told her i would like her to be able to live without the need for anything. I was a heavy user and alchoholic, becoming dependent. I chose to goto treatment last year and was not forced by anyone. I kept a lot hidden from her and she didn't realize I was drinking as much as I was. I've kept so much bottled up and tonight told her I thought she was an addict, needless to say it didn't go over well. She says I'm mean to her. She says I abondoned her when i went off to treatment, but I couldn't stay home or come back sooner, since she hasn't wanted me to get sober. To her AA is a cult, treaat centers brain wash, and I'm crazy now. She says I'm trying to change her, but I know I can't..I want her to and expressed that. I feel horriable and at fault. She will bring up friends and family and say they all say this and that about me now.... I know that's not intirely true. i'm sure some of her friends say **** and her family too, but they have their own issues. She says I judge her and act like I'm better. Maybe I do, I just know there is a better way to live life and I'm not sure I want to live with an addict, even if she is only very very mild addict.

TheJungianThing

I wish I had some experience to share in this capacity but I don't have this speciific experience. AA isn't a cult, it's a book that outlines a program of action. People who use this program of action meet with each other to discuss it and therefore a fellowship of like minded individuals exist, it operates as a service organization as well to assist other drunks who seek sobriety. Anyway,

AA's program is something that allows me to change, I have experience with that. The fourth step specifically helps dealing with resentments, so if you resent your wife for using still you could write her name down.

Wife, uses weed and doesn't care about my sobriety, what part of you it effects - Self Esteem ? Money ? etc... and then we look at our mistakes. Sometimes our mistake is something as simple as having an expectation that someone do something.

I know I need that tool all the time, because I place expectations on people. It should work in some capacity but in reality you're dealing with some larger issues here than I've faced with my spouse.

Good luck.

FJCruisin

Thanks you, I realize it effects my self esteem and have been bending over backwards to allow her to still smoke. I finally just said enough is enough and trashed her pot. It's hard for me and I just felt I needed to have a firmer boundry. If she wasn't so unsupportive about my recovery and least said she was happy for me or congrats on one year, I probably wouldn't have thrown it out. But her negitive attitude about me being sober speaks vollums to me. To me, why would she not want me to be sober, because she doesn't want to change. She said so, pretty much, so I said she could have her pot or me. She thinks I'm mean for that, but I think it's what I need. it's a tuff boundry and I feel bad for placing it on her, but the fact she hasn't supported me in recovery kind of has me at the point of needing such a boundry.
AHHHHH!! Sucks!!

DUNE

Sounds like you need to talk to your sponsor or someone else in aa that your close too.

I agree with Jungian, do the 4th step with this one. One thing that I tend to forget is that I can not exspect my close friends or reletives to be supportive in anything I do, weather it is good or bad for me.

If she doesn't want to stop, that's her choice. If you don't want to live with someone that uses, that's your choice. I know your situation is more complicated then that, but that is the bottom line that defines the outcome of your situation. Change or acceptance. That as well is a choice for both of you, but unless the both of you decide on either change or acceptance, I can not see how things would improve.

I don't look at aa as a brainwashing cult. But I can see how others do. We have a higher power, we hold hands and pray, and we tell eachother to keep comming back. Is aa a cult? To me it is an acceptance of something that really works.