Waited too long to quit
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Thread Starter
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Join Date: May 2011
Location: Lancaster, NY
Posts: 7
Waited too long to quit
Hello everyone,
Yesterday I made the decision to stop drinking. I never thought of myself as an alcoholic because I never felt I needed to drink. I've always enjoyed drinking and looked forward to the weekends and cracking that 1st beer. A typical weekend involved drinking 8-12 beers Friday and Saturday night whether it was with family, drinking alone, or attending a party. I never saw any harm in this because nothing negative "usually" came from this, although there were a few scattered episodes that caused turmoil in the family.
I've realized I'm unable to control my drinking. Since January I attended 3 family parties where I drank until I blacked out, then became a person that I can in no way relate with. I made advances at other women in front of my wife and kids and was completely disrespectful to my wife. I hate that I have little to no recollection the next day of what occurred. I can't understand why I behaved like this because sober I am the complete opposite.
The last episode was the last straw for my wife. She wants me out and wants to get a divorce. I've asked for one more chance with the admission to having a problem with alcohol abuse, to quit drinking completely, and to attend AA. I in no way blame her but hope she can give me this one last chance. Looking at our past 13 years together I sadly realized there were about 15 or so of these episodes where I drank excessively and behaved poorly. She deserves better than that.
I hope this isn't too long but wanted to reach out to people that I hope might understand. I'm at a very low point right now and have a lot of people that now want nothing to do with me. The thought of not drinking again for some reason makes me sad. Hoping I can hang in there and turn things around.
Yesterday I made the decision to stop drinking. I never thought of myself as an alcoholic because I never felt I needed to drink. I've always enjoyed drinking and looked forward to the weekends and cracking that 1st beer. A typical weekend involved drinking 8-12 beers Friday and Saturday night whether it was with family, drinking alone, or attending a party. I never saw any harm in this because nothing negative "usually" came from this, although there were a few scattered episodes that caused turmoil in the family.
I've realized I'm unable to control my drinking. Since January I attended 3 family parties where I drank until I blacked out, then became a person that I can in no way relate with. I made advances at other women in front of my wife and kids and was completely disrespectful to my wife. I hate that I have little to no recollection the next day of what occurred. I can't understand why I behaved like this because sober I am the complete opposite.
The last episode was the last straw for my wife. She wants me out and wants to get a divorce. I've asked for one more chance with the admission to having a problem with alcohol abuse, to quit drinking completely, and to attend AA. I in no way blame her but hope she can give me this one last chance. Looking at our past 13 years together I sadly realized there were about 15 or so of these episodes where I drank excessively and behaved poorly. She deserves better than that.
I hope this isn't too long but wanted to reach out to people that I hope might understand. I'm at a very low point right now and have a lot of people that now want nothing to do with me. The thought of not drinking again for some reason makes me sad. Hoping I can hang in there and turn things around.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,385
Hi 2l8
It's never too late - I know you'll hear from lots of people on that score.
I destroyed my life and my relationships pretty well, but with a lot of commitment, effort, and work - and a little time and patience - I not only turned things around, I now have a better life than I ever dreamed of when I was drinking.
You'll find a lot of support and encouragement here - and I hope a little hope too.
Welcome
D
It's never too late - I know you'll hear from lots of people on that score.
I destroyed my life and my relationships pretty well, but with a lot of commitment, effort, and work - and a little time and patience - I not only turned things around, I now have a better life than I ever dreamed of when I was drinking.
You'll find a lot of support and encouragement here - and I hope a little hope too.
Welcome
D
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Northern Virginia
Posts: 449
The thought of not drinking again scared the living poop out of me. Drinking was my everything, it was the center of my life. Good job, good wife, good family and I tried to "manage them" appropriately but drinking always won out. Then when they had problems with my drinking, I made them the problem. Then I wanted to stop drinking, I couldn't stop or control my drinking. Couldn't live with booze, couldn't live without it.
I haven't had a drink in over eight years. There's life after alcohol and life can be lived, enjoyed, and experienced in ways I never thought of wiithout it.
Welcome and good luck to you. It's not too late to get sober and enjoy sober living.
I haven't had a drink in over eight years. There's life after alcohol and life can be lived, enjoyed, and experienced in ways I never thought of wiithout it.
Welcome and good luck to you. It's not too late to get sober and enjoy sober living.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 694
My wife left me after that 'Last' time, I have been quit nearly 100 days and it took her leaving to reach my bottom, I have done some very bad things drunk, you have to quit for you not your wife, my wife did take me back and I havnt drank since.
Alcohol was my life, thank god I see that now and I now stay away from it! I now have a new life...
Welcome to the forum
Alcohol was my life, thank god I see that now and I now stay away from it! I now have a new life...
Welcome to the forum
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 94
Dee is right.
It might feel like you're losing a part of who you are, or a favourite hobby when you quit drinking - but you have to look at it for what it is. Alcohol destroys lives and blacking out is never fun.
Don't beat yourself up about what you've done in the past, the important thing is to focus on a healthy future experienced with a clear mind to take in everything there is to love in the world. When you're completely sober at a party and other people are drinking you can get to know them on a deeper level, and improve relationships. They'll be off guard and willing to confide in you and you will have all of your concentration. You won't blurt out obscenities or throw up anywhere. You can have a great time without being drunk. There's the bonus of remembering everything the next day as well. These memories will be cherished in later years, and you'll be so glad that you quit drinking.
Feel proud of being able to say no, and reward yourself for being in control. I'm sure you can think of something nice to put the money you save from not drinking towards. Good luck!
It might feel like you're losing a part of who you are, or a favourite hobby when you quit drinking - but you have to look at it for what it is. Alcohol destroys lives and blacking out is never fun.
Don't beat yourself up about what you've done in the past, the important thing is to focus on a healthy future experienced with a clear mind to take in everything there is to love in the world. When you're completely sober at a party and other people are drinking you can get to know them on a deeper level, and improve relationships. They'll be off guard and willing to confide in you and you will have all of your concentration. You won't blurt out obscenities or throw up anywhere. You can have a great time without being drunk. There's the bonus of remembering everything the next day as well. These memories will be cherished in later years, and you'll be so glad that you quit drinking.
Feel proud of being able to say no, and reward yourself for being in control. I'm sure you can think of something nice to put the money you save from not drinking towards. Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 273
If you're still breathing, it's not too late.
Try to focus on working on yourself for yourself, maybe your wife will see the change in you and want to work on things. It's easy to say "i'll quit this time". But talk is cheap, what you need to do now is SHOW her that you are putting it into action.
That's what I learned, the relationship may live or die, but if you work ON you, FOR you, no matter what happens, you'll be ok.
Try to focus on working on yourself for yourself, maybe your wife will see the change in you and want to work on things. It's easy to say "i'll quit this time". But talk is cheap, what you need to do now is SHOW her that you are putting it into action.
That's what I learned, the relationship may live or die, but if you work ON you, FOR you, no matter what happens, you'll be ok.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
Nope, never too late...I quit after 30 years of drinking...alot had happened in those years. No, I can't change the past or bring it back for a rerun but I can change my future. Last August, my husband and I separated after 13 years. It was amicable and I thought I've got this now. Then I lost a job. That's when I realized the drinking had to go. I've been 4 months sober...no, husband and I didn't get back...there were other problems besides the drinking. But I did begin a relationship with myself, learn to like the real me and learn to love life. Things happen for a reason. I'm happy and I'm sober.
Hopefully, you get that one last chance...if not, show her you can change, be patient and time will heal. Wishing you peace and strength.
Hopefully, you get that one last chance...if not, show her you can change, be patient and time will heal. Wishing you peace and strength.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,474
It is never too late...never ever. Welcome to SR, to a great place to come for fantastic support, understanding and inspiration. It has been a big part of my recovery.
Keep letting us know how you are doing.
Keep letting us know how you are doing.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: California
Posts: 624
It's funny, the idea of never drinking again was only an issue was only a problem when I WAS drinking. As soon as I quit, it ceased to scare me so much. It didn't take long to realize that waking up day after day feeling so much better, clearer and happier, and that there is an absolute freedom in not drinking - which to an alcoholic is a total contradiction in terms. I know you can't imagine it right now, but it IS possible to do.
It's never, ever, ever too late to quit. If we never had consequences that stung, we would never even consider quitting, I mean, what would be the issue? Unfortunately all of us on here have to go the point where we have to say enough is enough. Never lose sight of it. I wish you all the best.
It's never, ever, ever too late to quit. If we never had consequences that stung, we would never even consider quitting, I mean, what would be the issue? Unfortunately all of us on here have to go the point where we have to say enough is enough. Never lose sight of it. I wish you all the best.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Welcome to SR!!
As the others have posted, it's never too late as long as we have a breath left in us. I can't say that finding recovery will change the consequences we've reaped while drinking/using, as I have some consequences I will deal with for life.
I CAN say, however, that my life is far better than it ever has been, that I'm able to deal with the consequences and keep moving forward.
Families and loved ones go through a lot when we are active. I know mine didn't want to HEAR anything I had to say, but my actions helped me to regain trust and build new relationships (some totally new, some I've been in my entire life). In fact, I never said a word about going into recovery. My family just watched me and at some point, said "wow, you sure have changed!" and it was a good thing.
SR has been a huge part of my recovery. No matter what I've gone through, lots of ups and downs, there's always been someone here to listen, offer some ES&H (experience, strength, and hope) and it's made a world of difference in my life.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
As the others have posted, it's never too late as long as we have a breath left in us. I can't say that finding recovery will change the consequences we've reaped while drinking/using, as I have some consequences I will deal with for life.
I CAN say, however, that my life is far better than it ever has been, that I'm able to deal with the consequences and keep moving forward.
Families and loved ones go through a lot when we are active. I know mine didn't want to HEAR anything I had to say, but my actions helped me to regain trust and build new relationships (some totally new, some I've been in my entire life). In fact, I never said a word about going into recovery. My family just watched me and at some point, said "wow, you sure have changed!" and it was a good thing.
SR has been a huge part of my recovery. No matter what I've gone through, lots of ups and downs, there's always been someone here to listen, offer some ES&H (experience, strength, and hope) and it's made a world of difference in my life.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Lancaster, NY
Posts: 7
Thank you for all your comments and support. It's a difficult start because everyone around me is fed up and wants nothing to do with me. I don't blame them and hope that I can show them that I can change for the better. I'm thankful for this forum because I have no one else to turn to right now.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 1,028
Well you have all of us! Post whatever whenever and we will do our best to support you. You can't fix everything over night, this is a major journey so hang in there!!!! Do you have reading materials and support from others that understand you?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,385
I exhausted all my good will too 2L8.
Although know it's hard to do, you have to put all that to one side - you need to get sober and stay that way for you, noone else. That's the only way it works.
I hope that people will see the changes in you and respond positively to that eventually - some people did with me, others didn't - but that's really a side issue.
You should be your focus for now - makes the changes, work hard and I hope you'll find as I did everything else will fall into place and sort itself out later
D
Although know it's hard to do, you have to put all that to one side - you need to get sober and stay that way for you, noone else. That's the only way it works.
I hope that people will see the changes in you and respond positively to that eventually - some people did with me, others didn't - but that's really a side issue.
You should be your focus for now - makes the changes, work hard and I hope you'll find as I did everything else will fall into place and sort itself out later
D
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