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Old 05-29-2011, 06:13 AM
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Implosion
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Having trouble getting started....

Hi,

I've been lurking around this board for two years now, never had the desire to write or express myself...just reading the posts was therapeutic for me. I'm very comfortable observing (from a safe distance), and didn't want to get involved.

Til now I never realized how much of that is my problem. I've struggled with alcohol for 13 years now. Seriously trying to quit for 7. In that time I've never actively searched for treatment. I have tried to help myself through reading books, but I find myself losing this battle over and over again.

I recently relapsed after 4 months of sobriety, and almost lost my job, disappointed my coworkers, and my wife. My feelings about sharing things with people have become secondary, I can't survive another relapse without loss, and will pull out every stop to make sure this never happens again.

I would like to start AA, but I have the same problem. I feel like I can't push myself out the door. I know I need to get involved, but can't seem to find the motivation. There is some sub-conscious resistance to pushing myself into talking with people about these things.

My wife is very supportive, but doesn't really understand what it is that I'm going through. I need more.

I'm forcing myself into AA and using this board. This is my first step, no more lurking!

This is really just a long hello. So Hello! I'm glad to be here.
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Old 05-29-2011, 07:19 AM
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Welcome to the family. You'll find a lot of support here to live a sober life.
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Old 05-29-2011, 07:34 AM
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Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
 
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Thanks for reaching out....and joining the posting side of our recovery community....

You already know many of us are winning over alcohol..and Yes! so can you

All my best to you and your wife
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Old 05-29-2011, 08:01 AM
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Originally Posted by implosion View Post
I would like to start AA, but I have the same problem. I feel like I can't push myself out the door. I know I need to get involved, but can't seem to find the motivation. There is some sub-conscious resistance to pushing myself into talking with people about these things.
Thanks for posting, Implosion! That's a helluva first step, Friend!

In my case, the "subconscious resistance" was egotistical, alcoholic insanity.

That is to say, I was hellbent on looking good all the way down the *******.

Inasmuch as I am humble, I am genuinely strong.

Inasmuch as I am humble, I am working an enduring recovery.
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Old 05-29-2011, 08:08 AM
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Welcome!

It does take a lot of motivation to stop drinking and to recover, but I know that you can do it. Please keep reading and posting.
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Old 05-29-2011, 08:13 AM
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Implosion
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@ Ranger - Exactly part of my problem too, worrying about image. I can't tell you how many times I've excused myself from getting help because it would interfere with my life and people might find out I was getting treatment for a problem. Several times I've relapsed when people have asked me to drink with them, and I couldn't muster the courage to tell them "I don't drink". Ego...my alcoholic brain's best friend. Thanks for the post.
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Old 05-29-2011, 08:23 AM
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AA is anonymous and the meetings are full of people with drinking problems. You don't need to worry about your image there, and you don't need to tell anybody (except probably your wife) that you are going. Everyone is nervous about going to their first meeting, just go, you don't need to talk. The face to face contact you find there might be just the ticket you need.
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Old 05-29-2011, 08:23 AM
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Hi and Welcome!
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Old 05-29-2011, 08:39 AM
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Originally Posted by implosion View Post
@ Ranger - Exactly part of my problem too, worrying about image.
I feel ya, Brother. Alcoholism had me by the balls until the pain of my drinking life finally outweighed my ego. I am fortunate and thankful the balance tipped before I lost anything of real importance (e.g. family, job, etc.).

I hope the same for you.

Alcoholism's power over my life began to crumble with the simplest of admissions...

"Hello, my name is Ranger and I'm an alcoholic".
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Old 05-29-2011, 08:39 AM
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Originally Posted by Ranger View Post
I feel ya, Brother. Alcoholism had me by the balls until the pain of my drinking life finally outweighed my ego. I am fortunate and thankful the balance tipped before I lost anything of real importance (e.g. family, job, etc.).

I hope the same for you.

Alcoholism's power over my life began to crumble with the simplest of admissions...

"Hello, my name is Ranger and I'm an alcoholic".
But oh what it took to get to those words.
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Old 05-29-2011, 09:04 AM
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Thanks so much for finally posting! This place helps a ton man. It is great to read what other people have to say and then apply that wisdom toward your fight. Once you get more comfortable with the members of the community and really start expressing yourself, you will find that you have the strength and tools to carry through with your commitment.

Welcome!
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Old 05-29-2011, 02:26 PM
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Hi implosion

It took me a long time to get myself moving too - I was very proud...and also very scared.

Once I made that first move tho - I felt an immense relief, and things started to move forward for me

You'll find a lot of help and support here too

Welcome!
D
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Old 05-29-2011, 05:06 PM
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Welcome implosion.
I did lose my job because of drinking and by the next week had an appt. at an addiction clinic. Then the following Thursday I ran to AA. Did a 6 week rehab and continue in AA when work schedule allows.
I had tried to quit my 30 year drinking addiction for (countless) years...always started with a day one and ended up floating upstream on whiskey river. It finally took a marriage separation and my own will and desire and realization that I was an alcoholic and really, I mean really, needed to get out of my alcoholic box and face the world.
I did it and am happy to report I've been sober since January (4 months yesterday), have a new job that I just took a supervisor test after being employed for one month and have a nice (rented) house living happily and soberly. But it just takes taking that one step...although it feels like a leap at first...it is small steps that will eventually lead you on your journey into sobriety.
I have been asked to drink, or go bowling and sit at the bar...I plainly say I don't drink and people are fine with that. There are people that don't drink. I didn't realize that 4 months ago! LOL
I'm so glad you came out and admitted you need more help...AA is great and all my real friends are there now. And this site is just awesome.
Wishing you peace and strength.
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Old 05-29-2011, 05:14 PM
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Implosion,
I think you're headed in the right direction, really getting involved. Taking action goes a long way, I think.

Welcome to SR, ....keep us posted on how things are going
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Old 05-29-2011, 05:22 PM
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Welcome


I am short and to the point welcome and please save your self before it takes all of you.



Please enjoy your holiday

Peace, Dylan
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Old 05-29-2011, 05:31 PM
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Welcome! Glad you found the courage to post. The thought of an AA meeting was terrifying to me 16 days ago but now I am already further along in sobriety than I ever dreamed I could be. It truly is what has kept me sober. I've never had support like AA in my life. At first it was weird but it only took 3 meetings and I was hooked. . Please post more so that you get use to support, it's exactly what you need. WELCOME!
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Old 05-29-2011, 06:52 PM
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Welcome Implosion! I am on day 9, and found this site a few days ago. I feel like it is a new addiction (at least it is a healthy one! I haven't gone to a meeting yet. I have mapped out a few in my area, and think I am going to try to get to one this week. I am afraid to run into someone I know, which is stupid because if they are there then they understand why I am there!
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Old 05-29-2011, 07:17 PM
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I'm having the same problem, getting started! Welcome, good to see you!
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Old 05-29-2011, 09:36 PM
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Welcome!! It can be torture trying to stay sober on our own. It was such a relief coming here and having others understand just what I was going through.

Keep reading and posting!
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Old 05-29-2011, 10:27 PM
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Originally Posted by mubu View Post
Welcome Implosion! I am on day 9, and found this site a few days ago. I feel like it is a new addiction (at least it is a healthy one! I haven't gone to a meeting yet. I have mapped out a few in my area, and think I am going to try to get to one this week. I am afraid to run into someone I know, which is stupid because if they are there then they understand why I am there!
When I first started AA I saw a bunch of my fellow barflies there - still do from time to time. It was a bit awkward, admittadly. I was there to get sober, they were there to get their slips signed.
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