Parent Check-In
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Eastern Time Zone
Posts: 1,011
Parent Check-In
Wow - we have not had a Parent Check-In for a while!
How are you all doing?
I'm doing okay. Work is great, I have not suffered too much in the downturn. Softball season has started, and I really do enjoy that. The dog (ex-hunting dog) keeps me out walking for 1 to 2 miles a day (wow, what a blessing I was not expecting!). I'm getting the house ready to sell. It's amazing to me how I have lived with "discrepancies" for so long that just will not pass muster when a real estate agent walks through. But I have my health and extra money to get everything fixed up. God is good.
I think my AS has spiraled down a lot in his addiction. The ONLY reason I think that is because he will not answer his phone or return phone calls to me when I call. This is new. Previously he always would call me back quickly. Otherwise, I do not have a front row seat to his addiction so I am out of the loop on a lot of what is going on in his life. Except I know (from his brother) that he is still living with SO, is still working the same job, and is still in the same apartment. I am praying a lot more. Waiting is the hardest work of hope. Not posting here as much but I am on a lot just reading everything and hitting the "Thanks" button.
So how are you other parents doing?
How are you all doing?
I'm doing okay. Work is great, I have not suffered too much in the downturn. Softball season has started, and I really do enjoy that. The dog (ex-hunting dog) keeps me out walking for 1 to 2 miles a day (wow, what a blessing I was not expecting!). I'm getting the house ready to sell. It's amazing to me how I have lived with "discrepancies" for so long that just will not pass muster when a real estate agent walks through. But I have my health and extra money to get everything fixed up. God is good.
I think my AS has spiraled down a lot in his addiction. The ONLY reason I think that is because he will not answer his phone or return phone calls to me when I call. This is new. Previously he always would call me back quickly. Otherwise, I do not have a front row seat to his addiction so I am out of the loop on a lot of what is going on in his life. Except I know (from his brother) that he is still living with SO, is still working the same job, and is still in the same apartment. I am praying a lot more. Waiting is the hardest work of hope. Not posting here as much but I am on a lot just reading everything and hitting the "Thanks" button.
So how are you other parents doing?
I'm doing ok. My head is currently sitting squarely on my shoulders. I do tend to lose it periodically....it just seems to accidently fall off my neck and go rolling across the floor. When I realize it, I pick it up and put it back where it belongs and work harder at keeping it there. lol
I'm working hard, doing my yoga regularly (with a slightly damaged knee so it's a little difficult), going to my meetings, working my steps, and making new friends. I'm still happily married to a good, kind, loving, strong man and we just hit the 26 year mark!
My son is still homeless and spiraling in his disease. He has the tools to get clean and sober but won't use them. I accept that I have no control over him and that helps keep my head where it's suppose to be. He knows clearly that we will pay for him to be in a sober living environment but he chooses not to pursue sobriety. His choice. I can't force him to do what he does not want to do.
So overall.......I'm doing well. Living, loving, and feeling pretty good lately. I feel serene and empowered by my acceptance of powerlessness.
Thanks for asking!
Next?
gentle hugs
ke
I'm working hard, doing my yoga regularly (with a slightly damaged knee so it's a little difficult), going to my meetings, working my steps, and making new friends. I'm still happily married to a good, kind, loving, strong man and we just hit the 26 year mark!
My son is still homeless and spiraling in his disease. He has the tools to get clean and sober but won't use them. I accept that I have no control over him and that helps keep my head where it's suppose to be. He knows clearly that we will pay for him to be in a sober living environment but he chooses not to pursue sobriety. His choice. I can't force him to do what he does not want to do.
So overall.......I'm doing well. Living, loving, and feeling pretty good lately. I feel serene and empowered by my acceptance of powerlessness.
Thanks for asking!
Next?
gentle hugs
ke
Thanks for the thread, sojourner! It's been a mixed bag for me lately. I'm having some difficulty adjusting to the period after graduating from college. Unfortunately now that I won my disability case, my Medicaid card only pays for 14 visits a year with my therapist, so that will be less often for me.
I've had another medication addition to work on the anhedonia, and it appears to be working to boost my antidepressants a bit, so I hope I continue to see positive results.
I've had to step back from my youngest as she has started seeing her emotionally abusive EXABF again. I continually remind myself that I didn't hit a bottom in my addictions till 28, and a bottom in my codependency and unhealthy relationships until age 42. It's just hard to have a hurting heart as a mother when you know your child deserves so much better.
My granddaughter no longer expresses a desire to spend any time with me, which is difficult, so I've had to turn that one over to God. AD continues to live her life of active addiction, lies, illegal activities, and sponging off of the system. That's her right to live her life that way.
I've had another medication addition to work on the anhedonia, and it appears to be working to boost my antidepressants a bit, so I hope I continue to see positive results.
I've had to step back from my youngest as she has started seeing her emotionally abusive EXABF again. I continually remind myself that I didn't hit a bottom in my addictions till 28, and a bottom in my codependency and unhealthy relationships until age 42. It's just hard to have a hurting heart as a mother when you know your child deserves so much better.
My granddaughter no longer expresses a desire to spend any time with me, which is difficult, so I've had to turn that one over to God. AD continues to live her life of active addiction, lies, illegal activities, and sponging off of the system. That's her right to live her life that way.
Thanks, (((sojourner)))! What a great idea!!!!
Mr. HG and I are doing well, but last week was pretty tough for him. "Jr.'s" birthday was last week, and Mr. HG sent him a card at his last known address. It was returned because he is apparently not there anymore. Mr. HG was really hoping to hear from his son last week, and it was sooooo hard for him to not be able to talk to him and wish him a happy birthday. I knew there was nothing I could do to change the whole situation, but just tried to comfort my husband as I could.......
Hate this disease in all it's shapes and forms.
Hugs, HG
Mr. HG and I are doing well, but last week was pretty tough for him. "Jr.'s" birthday was last week, and Mr. HG sent him a card at his last known address. It was returned because he is apparently not there anymore. Mr. HG was really hoping to hear from his son last week, and it was sooooo hard for him to not be able to talk to him and wish him a happy birthday. I knew there was nothing I could do to change the whole situation, but just tried to comfort my husband as I could.......
Hate this disease in all it's shapes and forms.
Hugs, HG
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 455
Hey. I don't post much because I'm not so great with words, but I am doing okay.
AD is detoxing in jail and has asked me to find her a detox/rehab on our insurance so she won't have to stay in jail for months waiting for a bed to open in one of the facilities that the county provides. I spoke with a rehab under our insurance but decided against getting sucked back into mediating her care. Been there, done that. I told her the courts will get her treatment at no cost and with better coordination. While it hurts to know that she is suffering, I am hopeful that she will begin her recovery.
Otherwise, things are okay. DS is doing great at college and has a summer research job lined up. Hubby and I have been able to start an exercise regimen, do some gardening, see a few ballgames, go out to dinner, and basically breathe again...
I think of you all at SR most days and hope that evertone finds some peace.
AD is detoxing in jail and has asked me to find her a detox/rehab on our insurance so she won't have to stay in jail for months waiting for a bed to open in one of the facilities that the county provides. I spoke with a rehab under our insurance but decided against getting sucked back into mediating her care. Been there, done that. I told her the courts will get her treatment at no cost and with better coordination. While it hurts to know that she is suffering, I am hopeful that she will begin her recovery.
Otherwise, things are okay. DS is doing great at college and has a summer research job lined up. Hubby and I have been able to start an exercise regimen, do some gardening, see a few ballgames, go out to dinner, and basically breathe again...
I think of you all at SR most days and hope that evertone finds some peace.
I'm doing fine. I'd say great but I stayed up way too late last night playing with my new phone. I'm pretty much doing whatever I want and that's good and bad. It was great for a while, gave me a chance to catch my breath, but now I'm a little too comfy.
I did start a new hobby a little while back -- making jewelry! I went looking for a necklace and couldn't find exactly what I wanted, everything was so expensive too, so I decided to make it myself. I get a lot of enjoyment out of it and my family and friends love their gifts. Necklaces, earrings, bracelets made from sterling silver, gold, gemstones, pearls, organic beads, etc... you name it, I make it. Everyone keeps suggesting I sell them along with my photographs (another hobby) but I'm just not ready for that kind of dedication. I am thinking about learning silversmithing, though. I'm starting to find limitations with prefabricated metals.
Next week I start dance classes. It's something I've wanted to do for a long time! I also start another round of EMDR for my PTSD next week. I've had multiple traumas and every time I think it's all behind me, something else jumps out from the past. I thank the Universe and this forum, members, for encouraging me to take the next step. I didn't ask for any help here, but it was so strangely coincidental that I was reading PTSD threads/stories here, when it decided to rear it's ugly head again in the real world.
OK, on second thought, maybe I am busier than I thought
RAD and all my family are doing well, just for today
I did start a new hobby a little while back -- making jewelry! I went looking for a necklace and couldn't find exactly what I wanted, everything was so expensive too, so I decided to make it myself. I get a lot of enjoyment out of it and my family and friends love their gifts. Necklaces, earrings, bracelets made from sterling silver, gold, gemstones, pearls, organic beads, etc... you name it, I make it. Everyone keeps suggesting I sell them along with my photographs (another hobby) but I'm just not ready for that kind of dedication. I am thinking about learning silversmithing, though. I'm starting to find limitations with prefabricated metals.
Next week I start dance classes. It's something I've wanted to do for a long time! I also start another round of EMDR for my PTSD next week. I've had multiple traumas and every time I think it's all behind me, something else jumps out from the past. I thank the Universe and this forum, members, for encouraging me to take the next step. I didn't ask for any help here, but it was so strangely coincidental that I was reading PTSD threads/stories here, when it decided to rear it's ugly head again in the real world.
OK, on second thought, maybe I am busier than I thought
RAD and all my family are doing well, just for today
Love to all the parents here....
I am doing well, and for this I thank God. Our 23 year old recovering AD is approaching her 4th month in Teen Challenge - a residential, faith-based recovery program. For whatever reason, several attempts at traditional 12 step rehab/recovery was not doing it for her, other than to hook her up with new contacts to buy from and sell to. At Teen Challenge, she is trading her heroin in for a relationship with her True Hero. Whether she continues to do well in the program and reap its benefits, this will be up to her. If addiction has taught me anything, it is to see to it that I keep my daughter in God's hands, because that is the only place I can hope to see His fingerprints on her life. And we are.
But oh... what a journey....
As for me and MY life - I am treasuring my two boys (20 and almost 17), both still at home (though not for much longer - sniff sniff), and my husband. He and I will be celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary this September. The jury is still out on whether we'll make it to England to celebrate. For now, we've been saddled with AD's college loans, and finances are a bit tighter than usual. For enjoyment, I am learning to play cello, playing piano, and taking my loveable huggable golden retriever for hikes and romps in the backyard. He is my heart dog and kindred spirit, thru thick and thin. I wish everyone who's been plunged into the world of addiction could have one of these dogs at their side (and he IS at my side... ALL THE TIME) - they are great therapy. :-)
I am doing well, and for this I thank God. Our 23 year old recovering AD is approaching her 4th month in Teen Challenge - a residential, faith-based recovery program. For whatever reason, several attempts at traditional 12 step rehab/recovery was not doing it for her, other than to hook her up with new contacts to buy from and sell to. At Teen Challenge, she is trading her heroin in for a relationship with her True Hero. Whether she continues to do well in the program and reap its benefits, this will be up to her. If addiction has taught me anything, it is to see to it that I keep my daughter in God's hands, because that is the only place I can hope to see His fingerprints on her life. And we are.
But oh... what a journey....
As for me and MY life - I am treasuring my two boys (20 and almost 17), both still at home (though not for much longer - sniff sniff), and my husband. He and I will be celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary this September. The jury is still out on whether we'll make it to England to celebrate. For now, we've been saddled with AD's college loans, and finances are a bit tighter than usual. For enjoyment, I am learning to play cello, playing piano, and taking my loveable huggable golden retriever for hikes and romps in the backyard. He is my heart dog and kindred spirit, thru thick and thin. I wish everyone who's been plunged into the world of addiction could have one of these dogs at their side (and he IS at my side... ALL THE TIME) - they are great therapy. :-)
Member
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Michigan
Posts: 81
Great to hear all the parents out there that are doing well!
I too, am doing okay. My AS recently began his downward spiral after approx 5 months of sobriety. I am sad but I have not lost faith that he will go back to living sober again with God's grace.
I have been making myself busy, getting into volunteering at a dog rescue, which has always been my dream but somehow there was never time before. (I was always thinking I needed to be home to save my son I guess). No more of that thinking.
I am still working full time and that is a blessing. No one at my work knows of my son's problems and I think that helps me because when I go there I am just their fun co-worker and even on my worst days, no one knows.
I have never been a girl who liked to shop but suddenly I am seeing what I've been missing all these years. It is FUN to go shopping. All by myself. It is one of my new hobbies, I am trying to get as many hobbies as I can.
I am no longer devastated by his actions and that is progress!!
I too, am doing okay. My AS recently began his downward spiral after approx 5 months of sobriety. I am sad but I have not lost faith that he will go back to living sober again with God's grace.
I have been making myself busy, getting into volunteering at a dog rescue, which has always been my dream but somehow there was never time before. (I was always thinking I needed to be home to save my son I guess). No more of that thinking.
I am still working full time and that is a blessing. No one at my work knows of my son's problems and I think that helps me because when I go there I am just their fun co-worker and even on my worst days, no one knows.
I have never been a girl who liked to shop but suddenly I am seeing what I've been missing all these years. It is FUN to go shopping. All by myself. It is one of my new hobbies, I am trying to get as many hobbies as I can.
I am no longer devastated by his actions and that is progress!!
Small boast -
My son's Tattoo Salon
is hosting it's First Annual Car Show
in Kennesaw, Ga this weekend.
I hope anyone who's IN that area
will drop by and help out
he's always raising money for some charity
or other.
My son's Tattoo Salon
is hosting it's First Annual Car Show
in Kennesaw, Ga this weekend.
I hope anyone who's IN that area
will drop by and help out
he's always raising money for some charity
or other.
Hi to you all!
I stop in from time to time to read how everyone is doing and pray that you all find the peace that you deserve. When the top post was parent check in I decided it was a sign to say hello.
I'm good, still working for myself and have not found a guy who might make a good partner for me, but I still look and hope!!
My RAD has over 4 years clean and has never looked back.
She married a great guy last June. They had an alcohol free wedding that was just lovely, those who chose to drink had to pay their own way. My cute little grandson will be 2 in August, they are lucky that daddy is working hard and is able to support them without her having to work for now.
Recovery can happen! There is hope for everyone and some day some how maybe your child might climb out of the pit of addiction...
peace, blue
I stop in from time to time to read how everyone is doing and pray that you all find the peace that you deserve. When the top post was parent check in I decided it was a sign to say hello.
I'm good, still working for myself and have not found a guy who might make a good partner for me, but I still look and hope!!
My RAD has over 4 years clean and has never looked back.
She married a great guy last June. They had an alcohol free wedding that was just lovely, those who chose to drink had to pay their own way. My cute little grandson will be 2 in August, they are lucky that daddy is working hard and is able to support them without her having to work for now.
Recovery can happen! There is hope for everyone and some day some how maybe your child might climb out of the pit of addiction...
peace, blue
Great thread!
I'm doing pretty well, had a slight slippage about a month ago.
But I returned to the boards and to my regular Alanon mtg. and they ALL have steel toed bunny slippers, so I had no choice, other than to get myself back together.
Mr. Moose is in Canada. (I'm not)
Youngest AS in prison in Florida, doing okay I guess, I restricted his calls to twice a month, until I go to Canada, then we won't speak for a few months, cause he can't call a cell phone. Will be released Nov. 2012 from what I understand.
Oldest AS, appearing sober..sounding sober...still not attending mtgs. HE says it triggers him, but his choice. He's making money legally.
And I am enjoying my time alone, having some quality time with the 2 year old grandson. How nice to be a granny....
Hugs and Happy Holiday everyone
I'm doing pretty well, had a slight slippage about a month ago.
But I returned to the boards and to my regular Alanon mtg. and they ALL have steel toed bunny slippers, so I had no choice, other than to get myself back together.
Mr. Moose is in Canada. (I'm not)
Youngest AS in prison in Florida, doing okay I guess, I restricted his calls to twice a month, until I go to Canada, then we won't speak for a few months, cause he can't call a cell phone. Will be released Nov. 2012 from what I understand.
Oldest AS, appearing sober..sounding sober...still not attending mtgs. HE says it triggers him, but his choice. He's making money legally.
And I am enjoying my time alone, having some quality time with the 2 year old grandson. How nice to be a granny....
Hugs and Happy Holiday everyone
thank you so much for this thread - i have really enjoyed reading the updates from everyone - i am doing well - my life is far more predictable now for various reasons - my AS is in prison and he is doing well - he knows that this incarceration saved his life and although i cannot call it true recovery yet it is a time of healing and peace for all of us - i also removed myself from a very toxic relationship and the peace from that move is wonderful - i continue to read here everyday and pray for all of us who have found ourselves taking this unsolicited journey - love to all of you and blessings
I am struggling alot at the moment..my daughter relapsed after 7 months clean.Will not go back to sober living, although she is claiming to be sober,going to meetings, etc. Since she won't return to sober living, we have pulled all funding.Breaks my heart, but who knows ..she may need this experience to truly commit to her recovery...or not.I am working on detaching, again...also working on taking full breaths as my chest is coiled tighter than a snake..meetings,
groups,exercise,meditating,readings,praying,therap y..hoping it all kicks in soon...
groups,exercise,meditating,readings,praying,therap y..hoping it all kicks in soon...
HI to all my SR Family:
I've been trying to cut the umbilical cord with all my adult children, beginning by closing the bank. Not one of my ACs work, so it is difficult for me to enjoy financial freedom while I see them struggle.
MY AD and her daughter are living with me. Although she is attending a methadone clinic and I am seeing a glimpse of the person I knew, I struggle with my control issues daily. I am working really, really hard to keep my hands off of her life and looking at life how it is, not how I want it.
I am attending my 4th CODA meeting tonight and reading the CODA "big book". My next step is to get a sponsor and make friends.
Huggs to all
I've been trying to cut the umbilical cord with all my adult children, beginning by closing the bank. Not one of my ACs work, so it is difficult for me to enjoy financial freedom while I see them struggle.
MY AD and her daughter are living with me. Although she is attending a methadone clinic and I am seeing a glimpse of the person I knew, I struggle with my control issues daily. I am working really, really hard to keep my hands off of her life and looking at life how it is, not how I want it.
I am attending my 4th CODA meeting tonight and reading the CODA "big book". My next step is to get a sponsor and make friends.
Huggs to all
I'm not sure what to say here. But I'll say thanks sojourner for starting this thread. It's nice to hear the updates from all of the parents here.
I got really down with my health, for the last really long time, so I seem to be mostly working on trying to take baby steps to get healthier. The rest of my time is spent with my grown kids & my grandchildren. I'm a very involved MeMaw. So they keep me really busy & tired. hahaha.
My son that is my qualifier here is doing alot better than in the past, but is still involved with drugs off & on. He just got out of jail after this past Christmas, with the warning that there would be no more chances. They almost took him straight to prison that time. The judge & DA seemed determined to send him for the 10 years. It was a very traumatic time for me & everyone, because he had a son that had just turned 2, that was basicly his daily shadow before he got arrested because of a hot pee test. He was in jail for 3 months. When he got out, he swore that he had learned his lesson because he couldn't put his son through that ever again. I have noticed that most of the time, he seems clean & sober, but then other times I can tell by his attitude & behavior that somethings up. The scarey part is that I can't tell what he's using now. I had gotten to where I could tell which of his two drugs of choice that he was using at the time, but now neither of them seem to be what he's using. But I know there's something. He now has another son who is 3 1/2 months old. Another precious sweetheart that will be devastated if he goes to prison.
I know that it doesn't seem so, but I have turned him & his choices over to GOD. I don't try to control any of it. I do remind him every now & then to remember to watch his choices because of what's at stake, but other than that, he lives his life with his wife & boys how he wants to & I'm busy focusing on those grandbabies that mean the world to me plus my other four grandbabies that my daughter has borne.
I got really down with my health, for the last really long time, so I seem to be mostly working on trying to take baby steps to get healthier. The rest of my time is spent with my grown kids & my grandchildren. I'm a very involved MeMaw. So they keep me really busy & tired. hahaha.
My son that is my qualifier here is doing alot better than in the past, but is still involved with drugs off & on. He just got out of jail after this past Christmas, with the warning that there would be no more chances. They almost took him straight to prison that time. The judge & DA seemed determined to send him for the 10 years. It was a very traumatic time for me & everyone, because he had a son that had just turned 2, that was basicly his daily shadow before he got arrested because of a hot pee test. He was in jail for 3 months. When he got out, he swore that he had learned his lesson because he couldn't put his son through that ever again. I have noticed that most of the time, he seems clean & sober, but then other times I can tell by his attitude & behavior that somethings up. The scarey part is that I can't tell what he's using now. I had gotten to where I could tell which of his two drugs of choice that he was using at the time, but now neither of them seem to be what he's using. But I know there's something. He now has another son who is 3 1/2 months old. Another precious sweetheart that will be devastated if he goes to prison.
I know that it doesn't seem so, but I have turned him & his choices over to GOD. I don't try to control any of it. I do remind him every now & then to remember to watch his choices because of what's at stake, but other than that, he lives his life with his wife & boys how he wants to & I'm busy focusing on those grandbabies that mean the world to me plus my other four grandbabies that my daughter has borne.
Clever Yak
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: ---
Posts: 4,360
All your children, addict or not, are lucky to have you guys as parents! As long as you're doing what you're doing for the right reasons (as I'm sure all of you are), then you're doing the best thing you can!
Working my program
Doing pretty good. :-) My son is currently in recovery, so I'm using the time wisely to really work my own program. I've upped my meeting attendance and am getting to meet new people. I'm starting a new eating plan and generally trying to take better care of myself. I'm rededicating effort to working the Steps and practicing everything I've learned in all parts of my life.
It's easier right now because my son has been clean and sober for several months... but I know I need to stay strong and emotionally healthy because I can't predict his future choices.
This is definitely a life-long effort for the parents as well as the addicts. Sigh.
It's easier right now because my son has been clean and sober for several months... but I know I need to stay strong and emotionally healthy because I can't predict his future choices.
This is definitely a life-long effort for the parents as well as the addicts. Sigh.
What a wonderful thread! Thanks, Sojourner (((())))
My 34-yo AS decided a few months ago to move about 90 miles away to another city. Don't know if y'all remember, but I went "no contact" with him for awhile to regroup after my last enabling stint.
Now, we talk/text about once a week. He has gone pretty far down, and at one time told me he had not eaten in a few days. With all the love I could muster, I answered that he is within walking distance of one of the best recovery programs in the country. Also, that I knew he could get a meal at St. Vincent de Paul soup kitchen when he wanted. He said, "I know, Mom, I just don't want to get off drugs." Enough said.
Since then, he has gotten a job and a place to live. I don't ask about the drugs... if he chooses recovery or doesn't, that's his business. If he doesn't, I'm sure he will lose both.
I work on my own recovery each and every day. I am thankful for my life. I see so much beauty around me that I cannot help but be grateful. I have realized that my life is my own and so very, very precious that I refuse to squander one minute, even one second of it. My level of serenity has increased greatly as my expectations have minimized.
I hope I never forget that It works if you work it.....
with love and gratitude,
Hunny
Listen..... to the music of your heart ♥¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥
My 34-yo AS decided a few months ago to move about 90 miles away to another city. Don't know if y'all remember, but I went "no contact" with him for awhile to regroup after my last enabling stint.
Now, we talk/text about once a week. He has gone pretty far down, and at one time told me he had not eaten in a few days. With all the love I could muster, I answered that he is within walking distance of one of the best recovery programs in the country. Also, that I knew he could get a meal at St. Vincent de Paul soup kitchen when he wanted. He said, "I know, Mom, I just don't want to get off drugs." Enough said.
Since then, he has gotten a job and a place to live. I don't ask about the drugs... if he chooses recovery or doesn't, that's his business. If he doesn't, I'm sure he will lose both.
I work on my own recovery each and every day. I am thankful for my life. I see so much beauty around me that I cannot help but be grateful. I have realized that my life is my own and so very, very precious that I refuse to squander one minute, even one second of it. My level of serenity has increased greatly as my expectations have minimized.
I hope I never forget that It works if you work it.....
with love and gratitude,
Hunny
Listen..... to the music of your heart ♥¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥
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