laurie6781

I just posted this in F&F of Substance abuse.

It is a message for ALL of us.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...975-why-i.html

Love and hugs,

barb dwyer

Thank you.

This is for those who think we're too 'harsh' when advising people.
That's why I posted my thread as well.

barb dwyer

Just so very sad.

Tuffgirl

Good God.

No parent should have to go through what that Grandmother is going through right now.

I hate alcoholism.

Thumper

What a tragic and heartbreaking story.

A 4 month old baby died three blocks from me in March. The baby died at the hands of his father, who was intoxicated and had a history of addiction. The mother and toddler sibling were home at the time. I did not know them (I haven't lived here long enough to know many people) but it was a 'shock' to this small community. The more I pay attention, it really isn't shocking at all. There was a history of addiction and abuse.

Very sad and tragic stories.

CheekyAngel

Its true, it doesnt ever get better, it only gets worse.

wanttobehealthy

Thank you for sharing this, as awful as it is, it is very eye opening.

My heart goes out to the children and family of that poor woman.

Barb- I am pretty sure, from having worked in a shelter for battered women, that beating someone over the head with info (even if well intentioned) has never been successful in getting a woman to leave her abuser. That's often the way she is spoken to by her abuser... Just saying... So, IMHO "harsh" advice isn't likely to help convince someone to leave an abuser any more than "harsh" advice works on convincing A's to stop drinking...

banisheggshells

Reading that reminded me of the night he threw something at my head and as it whizzed by, my first thought was "thank god that wasn't the knife he was using in the kitchen 20 minutes ago"

So happy I left before it got even worse. Here's a really good article on how to be a friend to a woman in an abusive relationship:

This article has REALLY good lines and reasoning behind it. Amazing advice. They also recommend keeping the lines of communication open, if at all possible. The lines are towards the end of the article and are in bold, if you don't want to read the entire thing.



Liz Brody: Relationship Violence: The Secret That Kills 4 Women a Day

lillamy

Thank you.
Our governor and attorney general are spearheading a "campaign against domestic violence" and while I'm all for that, I'm not terribly hopeful that information campaigns about how it's wrong to hit people in your family will change anything. (There are people out there who think it is, and who'll see a poster and go, "Oh my, and to think all this time I have been doing something that others frown upon. I must give it up immediately."?)

The problem is that we don't have a legal system that will listen before it gets to this point.

laurie6781

Our legal system here does work. However, if the abusee does not call the police's hands are tied unless a neighbor calls. Our DA for 12 years was more than 'proactive' on abuse and child abuse and endangerment. She is now our Governor!!!!

I too have worked in the DV Center for many years.

WTBH, I do believe that when Barb used the word 'harsh' she was referring to how we constantly advise those in peril to leave.

I will continue to 'stress/harp' on this subject. This young lady is not the first I have known to end up dead or so badly battered that they never recovery.

I personally have my own opinion as to what should be done with these abusers, but I will keep that opinion to myself on these boards, lol Use your imagination and you will get what I am thinking.

My first marriage was a 'horror' the last 3 years. Yes, he was an alcoholic, yes I was an alcoholic, he was 6'4" and 230# and I was 5'7" and 125 and I would go 'toe to toe' with him only when he started something, and did win sometimes. Not proud of it. Never have been. But, after that marriage ended, I vowed, no man, no one would ever do that to me again, and they haven't.

This young lady, unfortunately, just could not see. I had given her the DV number, and all 3 of my phone numbers were also programmed into her cell. I also told her anytime she needed to, to just take the kids, leave and come down 5 houses and across the street to my house. Her mother tried for almost 2 years, once she figured out what was going on to get her to come home to ABQ.

I am beyond the point of anger anymore when things like this happen, these events just strengthen my resolve to 'keep trudgin' and 'keep trying' to help where I can.

Love and hugs,

ps: One of Farrah Fawcett's finest acting performances, was when she did the movie of the book "The Burning Bed" for TV. Whew, that is still an eye opener.

barb dwyer

[QUUOTE]WTBH, I do believe that when Barb used the word 'harsh' she was referring to how we constantly advise those in peril to leave.[/QUOTE]

Thank you Laurie - just making sure this got read.

japabp2000

Thank you for sharing Laurie. So tragic

LexieCat

Thanks, Laurie,

Most people think it couldn't happen to them. I've seen a ton of that sort of thing in my time.

I ran into somebody today who works in DV, and I asked her to let me know if she hears of any jobs. It's the one thing in my present career that still grabs me and is close to my heart. I'd love something part-time once I retire. If nothing else, I'll start volunteering again. It's a job worth doing.

StarCat

The only way to guarantee that it truly "Won't happen to me" is to take the proper steps to prevent it.

Thank you so much for posting this.

What a tragedy...

Nobody deserves to be abused. And absolutely nobody deserves to end like this.

What a tragedy.

LaPinturaBella

Thank you Laurie. Please stress/harp/be harsh. It's needed. This is a tragedy that even if replayed once is one time too many. And also tragic is the belief that she "makes" him angry. I wish with all my heart we could get abuse...physical, emotional, whatever to end once and for all.