This is why I
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
This is why I
am always recommending folks on here call their Domestic Violence shelter when abuse starts to occur:
Last night about 11:30pm there were county sheriff's vehicles all over with lights flashing, my street was blocked the cross street was blocked.
About 8 months ago, a couple moved in up the street on the other side. I had met her and saw her several times and saw bruises at different times. I did give her the phone number for our DV center, but she was always "oh he is not that bad and it only happens if I make him mad when he is drinking."
Yep you guessed it, the streets were blocked because she managed to call 911 before he shot her and then he ran. They did catch him, he shot her in the head, she was life flighted to El Paso's big Trauma center, but I just heard she did not make it and passed away about 5am this morning.
I post this here, just like Barb posted her incident the other night.
It is a warning.
A push,. a shove, they slam the wall, they throw a plate. GET OUT. Call your DV center and get you and any children OUT, it only ESCALATES, it never subsides.
She was a beautiful young woman, 29 years old with a 4yr old and a 2yr old. They are at my next door neighbors since last night, until the grandmother arrives this afternoon (her mother).
I stayed with the children at neighbor's house while neighbor went to the house with detective's consent and just finished cleaning up the blood on the kitchen into the dining room floor so the children and grandmom will not be 'spooked.'
Please, I have volunteered at the DV center for years, do NOT hesitate when your A does any type of abuse toward you, just GO. Save yourself and your children!
Love and hugs,
Last night about 11:30pm there were county sheriff's vehicles all over with lights flashing, my street was blocked the cross street was blocked.
About 8 months ago, a couple moved in up the street on the other side. I had met her and saw her several times and saw bruises at different times. I did give her the phone number for our DV center, but she was always "oh he is not that bad and it only happens if I make him mad when he is drinking."
Yep you guessed it, the streets were blocked because she managed to call 911 before he shot her and then he ran. They did catch him, he shot her in the head, she was life flighted to El Paso's big Trauma center, but I just heard she did not make it and passed away about 5am this morning.
I post this here, just like Barb posted her incident the other night.
It is a warning.
A push,. a shove, they slam the wall, they throw a plate. GET OUT. Call your DV center and get you and any children OUT, it only ESCALATES, it never subsides.
She was a beautiful young woman, 29 years old with a 4yr old and a 2yr old. They are at my next door neighbors since last night, until the grandmother arrives this afternoon (her mother).
I stayed with the children at neighbor's house while neighbor went to the house with detective's consent and just finished cleaning up the blood on the kitchen into the dining room floor so the children and grandmom will not be 'spooked.'
Please, I have volunteered at the DV center for years, do NOT hesitate when your A does any type of abuse toward you, just GO. Save yourself and your children!
Love and hugs,
Yankee
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 183
This is so sad to hear Laurie, thank you for posting this. My thoughts go out to her family and her children. I hope everyone who is suffering through a domestic violent situation is able to find a safe way out.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
What a sad and tragic reminder to always take abuse seriously.
My psychotic violent EXAH used to keep a loaded 12 gauge in the corner by the front door.
It's only by God's grace that I am alive today.
My psychotic violent EXAH used to keep a loaded 12 gauge in the corner by the front door.
It's only by God's grace that I am alive today.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
Thank you, Laurie. There are far too many stories out there like this one. I subscribed to a battered mothers blog where they posted stories from around the US and a few other countries; I had to stop the e-mail notifications because it was a flood of newstories.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
But, it sickens me that the children were forced to live in a home where abuse was the norm. Makes me wonder what they saw and how deep the scars will run.
She also said she will go to he!! and back fighting for full custody to keep them away from his dysfunctional family.
Her daughters body will be going to the Medical Examiner in ABQ, we don't have one here, so she will be buried in ABQ when ME is done and has made his/her report to the detectives here.
One of my friends in the sheriff's dept told me the DA is going to try for 1st degree murder because he kept the gun loaded within easy reach on a side table in the living room (yes, in reach of the children). They are also adding child endangerment charges for good measure. He will not be arraigned until tuesday and is in a secluded cell at the county jail, to protect him from the other prisoners. Otherwise, he might not make it to arraignment. Seems word spread real fast through the jail that not only did he abuse his wife, but he killed her and that there were 2 small children involved.
There does seem to be a hierarchy among criminals and wife/woman beaters and child abusers/endangerers are at the bottom of the ladder.
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: the moon, milky way
Posts: 1,250
Great post!
I read so many stories on SR that break my heart.
The underlying thought in the posts: "if he only stopped drinking he wouldn't abuse me".
No, he abuses you because he is an abuser, not because he drinks.
There is never an excuse for abuse. EVER.
I read so many stories on SR that break my heart.
The underlying thought in the posts: "if he only stopped drinking he wouldn't abuse me".
No, he abuses you because he is an abuser, not because he drinks.
There is never an excuse for abuse. EVER.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
I'm so sorry for this tragic loss
I posted this in substance abuse because even though in the past she had made the comment about not making him mad when he drinks, it turns out he was also heavy into crack as well.
And regardless of the drug or drugs or alcohol, this man would be an abuser drunk, high and/or sober.
I posted this because, we seem to have so many joining in the last year that are on the end of the abuse be it just starting or has been going on for a while, and if it helps just one member I will be a happy camper.
DV has been my 'pet peeve' over and above addiction for a long time now. Can you tell? lol
No it isn't anything to laugh about, it is a very serious issue in this country in my book.
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
I'm not sure what to even say but feel the need to post to let you know that I read this and appreciate your sharing it bc it has shaken me deeply. Any one of us could be that woman and I've found myself lately, for the first time ever (and have not said this to anyone but here) being afraid of my AH. His anger (his words, his rage) has grown exponentially and it worries me a lot. Those poor poor children and her poor mother... Tragic.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Laurie,
My heart hurts to hear this sad story. You tried to help her, bless you. I just can't imagine the sickness that keeps them in this kind of situation.
I pray these children will be ok, and perhaps one day will not remember this horrid thing.
so sad.
Hugs,
chicory
My heart hurts to hear this sad story. You tried to help her, bless you. I just can't imagine the sickness that keeps them in this kind of situation.
I pray these children will be ok, and perhaps one day will not remember this horrid thing.
so sad.
Hugs,
chicory
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I too have volunteered at women's shelters and I think when you can put a real face on abuse, when you see a beautiful little girl with a split lip because they got between the abuser and abused, when you think you've seen it all...and then you see worse, it just breaks your heart.
My prayers go out for all who loved that woman and for her children. God bless the grandparents for stepping in.
It's just sad, very very sad. I'm so sorry Laurie, really I am.
Hugs
My prayers go out for all who loved that woman and for her children. God bless the grandparents for stepping in.
It's just sad, very very sad. I'm so sorry Laurie, really I am.
Hugs
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
(((((WTBH)))))
Please, since you are still in the home, contact your DV center NOW so you can have some quick 'options' in place. If you are in fear, your girls are feeling your 'fear'. Your DV center has lots of 'help' available, including but not limited to 'counseling.'
Love and hugs,
Please, since you are still in the home, contact your DV center NOW so you can have some quick 'options' in place. If you are in fear, your girls are feeling your 'fear'. Your DV center has lots of 'help' available, including but not limited to 'counseling.'
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Home of the Ravens-MD
Posts: 1,316
Laurie, Thank you for sharing this, it is so very, very sad. I hope that your post will let those who may be in an abusive relationship get the courage to seek help before it turns into a tradegy in their own life.
(((wtbh))) please take Laurie's advise, seek options now.
Hugs,
Chris
(((wtbh))) please take Laurie's advise, seek options now.
Hugs,
Chris
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Southern Illinois
Posts: 174
Thank you for posting this Laurie. I pray to the good Lord above that someone might see this and "wake up" and leave if they and/or their children are in an abusive relationship. My heart breaks for those small kids, the grandmother, and the rest of the family and friends. How awful....sigh.
Today is a New Day
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,766
There is no excuse for Domestic Violence.
Addicts reach for their DOC because that's what they do.
Abusers abuse because that's what they do.
These two issues may exacerbate each other, but they never cause the other.
I am so grateful I got out when I did.
The violence was accelerating as his drinking accelerated, and while he never physically abused me, he was quickly approaching that point.
Now that I am separate from the situation, I can see that the emotional and verbal abuse were always there, even when he was not drinking - he was just less successful at his manipulations when drunk, so it was more obvious then, and more violent.
But it was always there, something I did not notice for the longest time because I was focusing on his drunken rages, and did not catch his subtle, sober (and just as damaging) abuse.
Please be safe.
Please call the DV numbers, if you even suspect any form of abuse.
They're anonymous, and understanding, and will listen as long as you want to talk, and talk as long as you want to listen.
You deserve better than this.
Addicts reach for their DOC because that's what they do.
Abusers abuse because that's what they do.
These two issues may exacerbate each other, but they never cause the other.
I am so grateful I got out when I did.
The violence was accelerating as his drinking accelerated, and while he never physically abused me, he was quickly approaching that point.
Now that I am separate from the situation, I can see that the emotional and verbal abuse were always there, even when he was not drinking - he was just less successful at his manipulations when drunk, so it was more obvious then, and more violent.
But it was always there, something I did not notice for the longest time because I was focusing on his drunken rages, and did not catch his subtle, sober (and just as damaging) abuse.
Please be safe.
Please call the DV numbers, if you even suspect any form of abuse.
They're anonymous, and understanding, and will listen as long as you want to talk, and talk as long as you want to listen.
You deserve better than this.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,254
Originally Posted by StarCat 
There is no excuse for Domestic Violence.
Addicts reach for their DOC because that's what they do.
Abusers abuse because that's what they do.
These two issues may exacerbate each other, but they never cause the other.
I am so grateful I got out when I did.
The violence was accelerating as his drinking accelerated, and while he never physically abused me, he was quickly approaching that point.
Now that I am separate from the situation, I can see that the emotional and verbal abuse were always there, even when he was not drinking - he was just less successful at his manipulations when drunk, so it was more obvious then, and more violent.
But it was always there, something I did not notice for the longest time because I was focusing on his drunken rages, and did not catch his subtle, sober (and just as damaging) abuse.
Please be safe.
Please call the DV numbers, if you even suspect any form of abuse.
They're anonymous, and understanding, and will listen as long as you want to talk, and talk as long as you want to listen.
You deserve better than this.
Addicts reach for their DOC because that's what they do.
Abusers abuse because that's what they do.
These two issues may exacerbate each other, but they never cause the other.
I am so grateful I got out when I did.
The violence was accelerating as his drinking accelerated, and while he never physically abused me, he was quickly approaching that point.
Now that I am separate from the situation, I can see that the emotional and verbal abuse were always there, even when he was not drinking - he was just less successful at his manipulations when drunk, so it was more obvious then, and more violent.
But it was always there, something I did not notice for the longest time because I was focusing on his drunken rages, and did not catch his subtle, sober (and just as damaging) abuse.
Please be safe.
Please call the DV numbers, if you even suspect any form of abuse.
They're anonymous, and understanding, and will listen as long as you want to talk, and talk as long as you want to listen.
You deserve better than this.
The family problem split with his live-in/cheerleader/enabler who waited on him hand and foot for over a decade. Over the last year he threw one of his throw things tantrums-around other people over bad tasting pizza. I could see the look on her face as she just watched and waited until he calmed down to say anything. The whole time the look was here we go again or now what. I would hate to see how he acts away from other people. laurie6781's warning about leaving on the first sign of violence is deadly accurate including just throwing things, there are other things waiting to happen and/or going on there.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,254
wife beater drunk already a wife beater
Originally Posted by cynical one
Financial, emotional, and verbal abuse is often the precursor to physical abuse. And, like Laurie said, abuse always escalates. Being an addict or under the influence is never an excuse for abuse.
I feel bad for the young woman. But, it sickens me that the children were forced to live in a home where abuse was the norm. Makes me wonder what they saw and how deep the scars will run.
I feel bad for the young woman. But, it sickens me that the children were forced to live in a home where abuse was the norm. Makes me wonder what they saw and how deep the scars will run.
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