his eyes.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: alabama
Posts: 68
his eyes.
Yall are going to think that I am crazy.
Today is the third day my AH hasnt done pain pills. Wow, it is amazing! The one difference that sticks out to me is his eyes. I know it sounds odd but they are so... normal. I suppose it has been so long since I have seen them this way. For so many years his pupils have been the size of a pin and now, well they are large and clear. I have always known that opiates make the pupils small but I never thought that it was so drastic. I mean it is almost as if I can see into his soul. And it is amazing. He is beginning to talk about what he has done and what he needs to do to fix the mess he has created. He is worried about feeling overwhelmed and is taking his time. He has turned off the cell phone and stayed at home. I know better than to get my hopes up and to take it one day at a time. But... to see a glimpse of my husband returning thrills me. I have missed him so much, especially those big beautiful eyes. For today he is good...
Today is the third day my AH hasnt done pain pills. Wow, it is amazing! The one difference that sticks out to me is his eyes. I know it sounds odd but they are so... normal. I suppose it has been so long since I have seen them this way. For so many years his pupils have been the size of a pin and now, well they are large and clear. I have always known that opiates make the pupils small but I never thought that it was so drastic. I mean it is almost as if I can see into his soul. And it is amazing. He is beginning to talk about what he has done and what he needs to do to fix the mess he has created. He is worried about feeling overwhelmed and is taking his time. He has turned off the cell phone and stayed at home. I know better than to get my hopes up and to take it one day at a time. But... to see a glimpse of my husband returning thrills me. I have missed him so much, especially those big beautiful eyes. For today he is good...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Tn.
Posts: 29
Today is day four with my AH same thing but with alcohol also. We are not together but he came to church and you are right what a wonderful sight to see "YOUR HUSBAND" back. My prayers go out for you and I hope he continues on this journey to recovery
, and also that you stay strong in the process.
, and also that you stay strong in the process.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
Normally a pill addict would be in the throes of withdrawals 3 days in. Sick. Sick. Sick. Or is he using suboxone or something?
Either way, a recovery program is still a good idea... for you (and for him of course). I recommend Alanon and a book "Codependent No More".
The trick to staying clean long term is to get to the underlying issues that cause someone to pick up drugs in the first place - so they doesn't resort back to them as a coping method when life gets hard.
Either way, a recovery program is still a good idea... for you (and for him of course). I recommend Alanon and a book "Codependent No More".
The trick to staying clean long term is to get to the underlying issues that cause someone to pick up drugs in the first place - so they doesn't resort back to them as a coping method when life gets hard.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: alabama
Posts: 68
He is using suboxone. I am not sure how I feel about it as I know it is still a narcotic. However, he is clear and not shooting up. So.... guess we will see how it goes.
His Plan: Use suboxone short term (he has about 70 stored up). He is taking as little as possible (just enough to curb the withdrawls). He took 2 films on day one. 1 film on day 2 and plans to take 1 today. By the weekend he plans on stepping down to half and so on and so forth. Wants to be off suboxone before it too takes a hold of him. This seems kinda crazy to me ~ as I say just stop. But it is his plan, his choice and his decision to make. He is a big boy. Right?
My Plan: Hope for the best.. Prepare for the worse. Enjoy this moment with him and continue working on me. Although, I must admit seeing him clear and himself it does make me want to "not give up". Not sure if its a good thing or a bad. I cant help but be somewhat proud of him. I am trying to live in that moment and not think about the "what if's". So hard.
BTW: I do feel somewhat stupid for feeling excited. As so many times I was excited and disappointed shortly after
OK: I do have a couple questions, maybe yall can answer.
1. My AH has talked MANY times about the "reason" he uses drugs. And he says he likes to be screwed up. As a teenager he tried about everything and was able to put it down. The pain pills just got a hold of him. Could that just be it? No bad childhood, no self issues, nothing to cover up... just took something he liked a little too much and before he realized it he was physically hooked?
2. Suboxone: I have heard bad and good things about it. He doesnt want to use it long term. He doesnt want to continue to use anything. He feels like there is not much difference between suboxone and other pain pills. Each are addictive. He doesnt want to go from one drug to another. So, he wants to use it just to curb the withdrawls. So he can work and such. Is this possible and/or a good idea?
His Plan: Use suboxone short term (he has about 70 stored up). He is taking as little as possible (just enough to curb the withdrawls). He took 2 films on day one. 1 film on day 2 and plans to take 1 today. By the weekend he plans on stepping down to half and so on and so forth. Wants to be off suboxone before it too takes a hold of him. This seems kinda crazy to me ~ as I say just stop. But it is his plan, his choice and his decision to make. He is a big boy. Right?
My Plan: Hope for the best.. Prepare for the worse. Enjoy this moment with him and continue working on me. Although, I must admit seeing him clear and himself it does make me want to "not give up". Not sure if its a good thing or a bad. I cant help but be somewhat proud of him. I am trying to live in that moment and not think about the "what if's". So hard.
BTW: I do feel somewhat stupid for feeling excited. As so many times I was excited and disappointed shortly after
OK: I do have a couple questions, maybe yall can answer.
1. My AH has talked MANY times about the "reason" he uses drugs. And he says he likes to be screwed up. As a teenager he tried about everything and was able to put it down. The pain pills just got a hold of him. Could that just be it? No bad childhood, no self issues, nothing to cover up... just took something he liked a little too much and before he realized it he was physically hooked?
2. Suboxone: I have heard bad and good things about it. He doesnt want to use it long term. He doesnt want to continue to use anything. He feels like there is not much difference between suboxone and other pain pills. Each are addictive. He doesnt want to go from one drug to another. So, he wants to use it just to curb the withdrawls. So he can work and such. Is this possible and/or a good idea?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
Prepare for the worse.
Each are addictive. He doesnt want to go from one drug to another. So, he wants to use it just to curb the withdrawls. So he can work and such. Is this possible and/or a good idea?
PS. Peoples heads aren't that "clear" on suboxone (maybe a little clearer than when taking OPIATES but not that much - especially if they are obtaining it illegally) just so you know. I say this from experience.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: alabama
Posts: 68
Yes, Im sorry. It was in jest. You are right there are many great recovery programs.
I just happen to be married to a man who doesnt believe in any sort of therapy and / or talking to strangers. He is a very competive (athlete). He believes he and God are the answer... the rest is just fluff. That, I think, is one of his downfalls. He NEVER asks for help. he is a do it yourself kinda person. Very independent. I guess that is the reason his behavior is shocking to me. He is so strong in so many areas. For instance when it comes to the kids: he says it once and they do it. He always wins the parent / kid battles no matter how long it takes. Our daughter had a bad report card at the beginning of the year. It took 18 WEEKS but we won the battle. Back to all A's.
He absolutley takes no crap off anyone. He (besides drugs) says what he means and means what he says. That is just who he is. I think that is why he lies about the drugs. He has never had anything in his life that he could not conquor. He has always been the best at whatever he does. Ya know the guy everyone else wants to be like. I think he is just absolutley humiliated that this has beat him (or atleast has so far)
Im sorry, I am rambling
I just happen to be married to a man who doesnt believe in any sort of therapy and / or talking to strangers. He is a very competive (athlete). He believes he and God are the answer... the rest is just fluff. That, I think, is one of his downfalls. He NEVER asks for help. he is a do it yourself kinda person. Very independent. I guess that is the reason his behavior is shocking to me. He is so strong in so many areas. For instance when it comes to the kids: he says it once and they do it. He always wins the parent / kid battles no matter how long it takes. Our daughter had a bad report card at the beginning of the year. It took 18 WEEKS but we won the battle. Back to all A's.
He absolutley takes no crap off anyone. He (besides drugs) says what he means and means what he says. That is just who he is. I think that is why he lies about the drugs. He has never had anything in his life that he could not conquor. He has always been the best at whatever he does. Ya know the guy everyone else wants to be like. I think he is just absolutley humiliated that this has beat him (or atleast has so far)
Im sorry, I am rambling
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,384
I can understand what you are saying. My RABF was also addicted to pain pills. It is very important that AH is closely working with a medical doctor and that he is listening to them. I got involved in the Suboxone thing, too, worried about how many he was taking, etc. I realize now that it was not my position. My RABF needed to work with his psychiatrist and listen to her instructions.
I can tell you that my RABF was on Suboxone for months before he completely stopped taking it. I don't remember how many mg he started on, but I do remember that he couldn't get a lot of the pills at once.
My RABF now barely remembers those early days of recovery and when he took the Suboxone. He says that he was such a mess then. The really important stuff was not him getting off the drugs, it was him working on his mental health. He had to work on a plan with his psychiatrist, and work on other things to do besides drugs. He had to learn coping mechanisms for stress, etc.
I hope that you are taking care of yourself at this difficult time. It is easy to get involved in your AH's treatment, and forget about your own. When I look back at those days, I wish that I had spent more time on my own issues and life and less on worrying about RABF's Suboxone dose. Do you know what I mean?
I can tell you that my RABF was on Suboxone for months before he completely stopped taking it. I don't remember how many mg he started on, but I do remember that he couldn't get a lot of the pills at once.
My RABF now barely remembers those early days of recovery and when he took the Suboxone. He says that he was such a mess then. The really important stuff was not him getting off the drugs, it was him working on his mental health. He had to work on a plan with his psychiatrist, and work on other things to do besides drugs. He had to learn coping mechanisms for stress, etc.
I hope that you are taking care of yourself at this difficult time. It is easy to get involved in your AH's treatment, and forget about your own. When I look back at those days, I wish that I had spent more time on my own issues and life and less on worrying about RABF's Suboxone dose. Do you know what I mean?
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
[QUOTE=angie4;2981016]His Plan: Use suboxone short term (he has about 70 stored up)[QUOTE}
I don't want to rain on your parade, but "storing up" is not a good plan. Subs can be abused as well, and are intended to be taken as directed if part of a recovery plan.
I do however, hope it turns out well.
(((hugs)))
I don't want to rain on your parade, but "storing up" is not a good plan. Subs can be abused as well, and are intended to be taken as directed if part of a recovery plan.
I do however, hope it turns out well.
(((hugs)))
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,384
Cece, That's what I was thinking. Storing up Suboxone doesn't sound right. The Suboxone should be given as a prescription and should not be stored. Storing sounds like drug-seeking behavior. I don't think the docs can give you that much at a time, but I'm not sure. Plus, it probably depends on the state.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Tn.
Posts: 29
Originally Posted by hello-kitty 
Normally a pill addict would be in the throes of withdrawals 3 days in. Sick. Sick. Sick. Or is he using suboxone or something?
Either way, a recovery program is still a good idea... for you (and for him of course). I recommend Alanon and a book "Codependent No More".
The trick to staying clean long term is to get to the underlying issues that cause someone to pick up drugs in the first place - so they doesn't resort back to them as a coping method when life gets hard.
Either way, a recovery program is still a good idea... for you (and for him of course). I recommend Alanon and a book "Codependent No More".
The trick to staying clean long term is to get to the underlying issues that cause someone to pick up drugs in the first place - so they doesn't resort back to them as a coping method when life gets hard.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Martinsville, Ohio
Posts: 79
Suboxone is a step some doctors use but quite debatable. My rehab roomate age 19 went through pretty bad withdrawal from it but I assume it was better than no suboxone.
People actually look at my eyes now that I am sober two months and I am sure not afraid to look them in the eye, either.
The best thing is my sleep, I have slept for 75 nights in a row, pushing a new record for me probably.
Best wishes.
People actually look at my eyes now that I am sober two months and I am sure not afraid to look them in the eye, either.
The best thing is my sleep, I have slept for 75 nights in a row, pushing a new record for me probably.
Best wishes.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
