japabp2000

Hi everyone. Hope you all are well. I have a few questions that maybe some of you can answer. As some of you may know my husband just got out of a 30 day rehab facility Saturday. This is his first time sober for 5 years. First, I want to ask..is it normal for him to not know how to answer me on certain things? He explained it as him feeling like something is just "not right"..and he also said he feels extremely "dumb". While he was using he wasn't like this. Not that I want him using again by no means, but I'm just wondering if this is normal. Second question I have..is it normal that he doesn't want to talk to anyone besides me? He doesn't even want to call his mother, he says he doesn't want her questioning him about anything. Its almost like he just wants to hide here in the house. Of course he wants a job and has to have one because my disability is absolutely nothing..but I wonder if he can even work? While filling out an application the other day it was like he got sooo aggravated and anxious because he couldn't remember dates of when he worked before. Sigh. We have attended one AA meeting together. We had to borrow gas money and a vehicle just to get to that one and it was an hour away. There are absolutely no Al Anon meetings anywhere close so I can't go to any. He is attending telephone AA meetings each night. Sorry if this is confusing to anyone, but I'm super confused myself and full of questions. Thanks in advance.

barb dwyer

Yes.

I got a job not a week after I got sober.
I had to train for the job three times over
the next six months.

I couldn't remember anything.

Coming off alcohol
is coming off a sedative.
The nervous system doesn't know HOW to respond
any more
and has to be re-taught.

He may think he was coping
while under the influence
but he wasn't.
Now the sedative is gone
and the illusion with it.

We call the other thing you're describing
(the hiding away in the house)
"isolating".

The world is just too damn big and fast
and the only safe place
is inside the house.

It's the only thing that we can control.
ALso -
a fixation of videos
watching the same movie over and over again
like chain smoking for the brain
is common
because that is also
a controlled
predictable environment.

This man needs outside help.
Period.

No one.
NO ONE
can go this alone.

You obviously have a computer
he can check here
or on the AA.ORG WEBSITE
for meetings
and you can do the same.

I don't see either of you being able to do this
with no outside help.

I know for a fact that people in AA
arrange for rides all the time.

It's called service work.

If you live too far 'out'
there can be arrangements made
to meet halfway
or part of the way.

You'll be amazed how far they'll go
to help another alcoholic.

Neither of you are trained couselors
and both of you might well need one.

I'm glad youv'e found SR
and I'm glad to see you posting.
I hope you'll use the resources here
to educate yourselves about alcoholism
and use every link here
to find answers.

But finding help in real life is important.

japabp2000

Hello Barb and thank you for your reply. I know we definitely need help but with him not working we have no money, we don't even have any food right now, well outside of a couple of pieces of lunch meat and a pack of hot dogs. When I get my piddly check the 3rd I am going to make a counseling appointment for myself and see if he would like to make one as well. I know he will because he desperately wants someone to talk to. Our small area has limited resources sadly. He wants a sponsor badly too so I hope he can find one soon. Hoping a job is on the horizon for him too..he has applied everywhere imaginable with not one call yet..mighty frustrating for him and I worry. Codie alert I suppose??? I know I should focus on myself but crap it's hard to do. Thanks again hun.

barb dwyer

You might be eligible for TANF relief (food stamps) so check that out.

The main point of my answer is turn over EVERY ROCK you can think of
and make it you're priority.

There's all kinds of benefits out there
and finding the offices that provide them can be a task
but it's not like there's much else going on you know?

There's also food banks.
Some even deliver to outlying areas.
(I live in Montana so we know about outlying areas here)

Maybe someone here knows national food bank web addresses
that can hook you up.

The meetings here online are posted in the forums.

I hope to see you there!

BobbyJ

Alanon Classes are FREE...Also check with your local churches for some type
of recovery programs for you and him, they are also FREE

Counseling cost money, and make sure they are qualified in ALCOHOLISM...
I found out the expensive way, mine had no real clue of alcoholism. I should
have drove down the road and threw my money out the freaking window..

Keep on posting and reading...
Early Recovery is beyond both of our imaginations
but Barb gave you some real good truth to soak in.

japabp2000

Thanks BobbyJ. I really wish I could physically get to an Alanon meeting but we have none in my area. The closest is probably an hour away. With gas prices and me not driving it's not possible unfortunately. I am still going to be looking though and I'm going to find some telephone Alanon meetings. It's nothing like being at one in person but better than nothing. Today we go to see if he can get a job..I pray to the Good Lord he can get it. The one think keeping us from getting out and getting help right now is lack of money..truly sucks..lol Thank you for your reply! Have a great day!

wanttobehealthy

well, it's good you have sr then... it is really disappointing that there are so many fewer al anon meetings.... maybe larger areas have many but like you, there are few and far between and only 1 in my area is offered at a time of day other than smack in the middle of the work day...