First NA meeting
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Bali, Indonesia
Posts: 645
First NA meeting
Today I was so upset and vulnerable I felt I had two choices - to go down to the pub and get wasted, or to hit up a NA meeting. Many people find it hard to believe ive been sober/clean (alcohol 2yrs 7mths, weed 6mths) for so long without any formal program. Stopping was the easy part. Getting on with my life has proven much more difficult. I've isolated myself, getting stuck in the depression/rumination cycle, cut off many friends who challenged my decision to be straight, and basically ignored a lot of people I once held close to my heart, whilst cherishing a few that whilst drinking/smoking, I never thought much about. Funny how that works.
Anyhow, the meeting was pretty cool - everyone was laid back and very kind to me. I fought back tears for most of it as it was just so overwhelming to be there, finally. I was scared that I would hate it so much that id feel compelled to go to the pub afterward. Instead I rewarded myself with late night caffiene - im not supposed to have that after 6pm. Yea, im very strict with myself.
Tomorrow I am going to try an AA meeting - I chose NA because in this particular group they covers all bases - despite standing for Narcotics Anonymous, they see alcohol as a drug, and all types of drug addicts are welcome. In AA here are some old school folk that dont allow sharing about drugs. Thats okay though because I can talk solely about my alcohol problems but id prefer to be in an environment where I can talk freely about whatever addiction is bothering me on the day - lately its been alcohol and the fact that my psychiatrist has no problem increasing my benzo dosage....I want to be able to cope with anxiety without drugs one day.
I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders, ive never sat in a room with a bunch of people who in one way or another know what ive been through, and am going through. Im not exactly comfortable holding hands and saying a serenity prayer, but it beats waking up after a blackout wondering what I did the night before that would surely be more embarrassing than praying to god. I didnt share much as I was feeling too emotional, just the standard introduction as an alcoholic and addict, that I was feeling very overwhelmed yet grateful to those that shared and that I would be back and share a lot more about my past next time.
So yea, I finally made it there after months of deliberation lol.
Anyhow, the meeting was pretty cool - everyone was laid back and very kind to me. I fought back tears for most of it as it was just so overwhelming to be there, finally. I was scared that I would hate it so much that id feel compelled to go to the pub afterward. Instead I rewarded myself with late night caffiene - im not supposed to have that after 6pm. Yea, im very strict with myself.
Tomorrow I am going to try an AA meeting - I chose NA because in this particular group they covers all bases - despite standing for Narcotics Anonymous, they see alcohol as a drug, and all types of drug addicts are welcome. In AA here are some old school folk that dont allow sharing about drugs. Thats okay though because I can talk solely about my alcohol problems but id prefer to be in an environment where I can talk freely about whatever addiction is bothering me on the day - lately its been alcohol and the fact that my psychiatrist has no problem increasing my benzo dosage....I want to be able to cope with anxiety without drugs one day.
I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders, ive never sat in a room with a bunch of people who in one way or another know what ive been through, and am going through. Im not exactly comfortable holding hands and saying a serenity prayer, but it beats waking up after a blackout wondering what I did the night before that would surely be more embarrassing than praying to god. I didnt share much as I was feeling too emotional, just the standard introduction as an alcoholic and addict, that I was feeling very overwhelmed yet grateful to those that shared and that I would be back and share a lot more about my past next time.
So yea, I finally made it there after months of deliberation lol.
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,126
Great job on the weed. And fantastic that you made it to an NA meet. Where I'm at, NA and AA are just any old A...the A standing for addiction. I'm sorry that the "old timers" in your AA group don't allow sharing about addiction in general.
I'm blessed that where I'm at, those that walk into the NA or AA rooms are all the same. And the one pure AA group with ton of old timers readily share about their drug addiction.
If I was you, I'd gently remind your AA group that you are a newcomer, that newcomers are the most important lot in the room, and that tolerance is, in my opinion, a concept interwoven in many of the 12 steps.
Ok...here's comes the beast in me: I can't believe anyone in an AA meeting wouldn't "allow" sharing about drugs. Makes no sense. WTF!!!! OK....I don't know 'em, but I'm praying for 'em...sounds like a lot of "ism" going on in that room.
Again...the most important thing I found in your post was the elimination of marijuana from your life. My sponsor, 28 years sober in AA, says anything that messes with you from the shoulders up is a drug. Period.
And for me, the easiest part of my program is not drinking or drugging. For me, AA and the steps is a way to repair a shattered soul, that I have a soul sickness, and that only by working the steps to I have a chance to live soberly, not just stay sober.
Peace
I'm blessed that where I'm at, those that walk into the NA or AA rooms are all the same. And the one pure AA group with ton of old timers readily share about their drug addiction.
If I was you, I'd gently remind your AA group that you are a newcomer, that newcomers are the most important lot in the room, and that tolerance is, in my opinion, a concept interwoven in many of the 12 steps.
Ok...here's comes the beast in me: I can't believe anyone in an AA meeting wouldn't "allow" sharing about drugs. Makes no sense. WTF!!!! OK....I don't know 'em, but I'm praying for 'em...sounds like a lot of "ism" going on in that room.
Again...the most important thing I found in your post was the elimination of marijuana from your life. My sponsor, 28 years sober in AA, says anything that messes with you from the shoulders up is a drug. Period.
And for me, the easiest part of my program is not drinking or drugging. For me, AA and the steps is a way to repair a shattered soul, that I have a soul sickness, and that only by working the steps to I have a chance to live soberly, not just stay sober.
Peace
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Bali, Indonesia
Posts: 645
Originally Posted by MemphisBlues 
Great job on the weed. And fantastic that you made it to an NA meet. Where I'm at, NA and AA are just any old A...the A standing for addiction. I'm sorry that the "old timers" in your AA group don't allow sharing about addiction in general.
I'm blessed that where I'm at, those that walk into the NA or AA rooms are all the same. And the one pure AA group with ton of old timers readily share about their drug addiction.
If I was you, I'd gently remind your AA group that you are a newcomer, that newcomers are the most important lot in the room, and that tolerance is, in my opinion, a concept interwoven in many of the 12 steps.
Ok...here's comes the beast in me: I can't believe anyone in an AA meeting wouldn't "allow" sharing about drugs. Makes no sense. WTF!!!! OK....I don't know 'em, but I'm praying for 'em...sounds like a lot of "ism" going on in that room.
Peace
I'm blessed that where I'm at, those that walk into the NA or AA rooms are all the same. And the one pure AA group with ton of old timers readily share about their drug addiction.
If I was you, I'd gently remind your AA group that you are a newcomer, that newcomers are the most important lot in the room, and that tolerance is, in my opinion, a concept interwoven in many of the 12 steps.
Ok...here's comes the beast in me: I can't believe anyone in an AA meeting wouldn't "allow" sharing about drugs. Makes no sense. WTF!!!! OK....I don't know 'em, but I'm praying for 'em...sounds like a lot of "ism" going on in that room.
Peace
Thanks for the support and responses
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Sacramento, California
Posts: 42
Hi, I just wanted to say good job on doing what you needed to do to protect your sobriety. I'm all new to this but I thought your post showed how important your sobriety is to you and to what lengths you'd go to maintain abstinence. Great! All the best towards your success!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Northern Utah
Posts: 920
Originally Posted by Ainslie
I havent been to an AA group yet - I will tonight - the facilitator from the NA group I went to just mentioned that some of the oldtimers in AA in this city in general (we're about 20 years behind the rest of australia) were against the mention of other addictions. It doesnt offend me, I think its kind of funny, that some view alcoholics as different to other types of addicts. A pretty naive view really. My guess is that because alcohol is legal, therefore theres no criminal aspect to their addiction, that they think they are somehow above those that buy and are addicted to illegal substances. Or perhaps theyre concerned that recovering alcoholics may become interested in and use other substances that they wouldnt learn about if they were in a group just for alcoholics. I dunno.
Thanks for the support and responses
Thanks for the support and responses
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Bali, Indonesia
Posts: 645
Originally Posted by lilac0721
What you mentioned is why I've always gravitated to NA (which we don't have where I currently live): addiction is addiction is addiction. Alcohol IS a drug! I've actually known people who considered themselves alcoholics (they wouldn't have used other substances but for the alcohol) who call NA their home. Good post!
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