lightseeker

I am just so sad. The movers are coming in 25 minutes. I am watching my life dismantled and moving on. It's heartbreaking. My husband is in one of his moments of clarity and his sadness and remorse make it even more difficult for me. I'm just really sad.

He's been sober for almost 6 years and although his sobriety is his problem I still feel concern. Yesterday at work I had 3 patients that were in the trauma ICU related to crack (his doc). I felt like I was working on him....it was just so sad. I hope that he will do what he needs to do to stay sober but I know I have to let it go.

As I leave, I feel like I am not only saying goodbye to him and our life...but the concern of what is going to happen to him really tears at me (I will say again that I know that it is not my burden but it still hurts).

Just would appreciate any prayers for all of us.

Thumper

Sending you some cyber strength today. One moment at a time. The day will eventually end, and so will the sharp sadness. Try to take a moment here and there, or at the end of your day, to do something gentle comforting for yourself.

LexieCat

Agree with Thumper--this, too, shall pass. Let yourself feel sad--it IS sad. But the sadness will not linger forever. You won't feel this way for the rest of your life.

You have your path to walk, and he has his. There is always hope that someday he will choose recovery, but you don't need to continue to suffer in the meantime. It's so difficult to have a happy and peaceful life while you are living with active alcoholism. You deserve a happy and peaceful life. It's out there.

Hugs and prayers,

seekingcalm

Your post took me back to my own moving out day, and it hurt so much. But now, over 1 year later, I have found so much peace and happiness in my new place, on my own. I did not want to leave, I had to. You are going to be just fine.

Florence

Thinking of you today. ((hugs))

lightseeker

thanks ya'll. There is deep awareness from people at SR that this is do-able. We all have tried so very hard and we know how difficult it is to do this. My movers are really sweet and nice people. I've have had a number of texts from friends and feel the prayers. I know that without the support of my sisters/friends in this forum that I would feel crazier, hopeless, and sadder. I know that ya'll understand the pain, many of you have done some tough changes in your lives, and have found peace.

It is really sad. We could have had so much but it takes two to make a relationship work. For years, the only oar that really rowed our boat was more - every now and then he would stick the paddle in right before the boat tipped over and then the whole process would begin again. Everything that they say in recovery is so true. It's still shocking to see it all play out just like they say it will when people are sober but not in recovery.

My husband is getting into my head a bit with his convoluted plans about how to pull this out of the ditch....I realize that it is the siren's song but it's still hard. I keep reminding myself of my promises to my boys and myself that I can't go back. I know that I will really need ya'lls insight and support in the time ahead.

Abuse wears you down so badly that you are starving for any bit of love and that is why when finally the abuser is kind to you that your heart wants to go running back. You feel like no one else really understands your situation but him....which is friggin crazy! To finally have the strength to leave is only by the grace of God and steadily building a base of support piece by piece... I've gone through some painful things in my life but this is right up there...

catlovermi

This is part of your detox - this excruciating pain of change and separation, and severing the Dream.



There simply aren't any words to make it better, but know that there are those of us who've made it through, and there is life, and hope, and happiness on the other side. You just have to make it through.

Sending encouragement,

CLMI

GettingBy

Aw, lightseeker, that is so well put. I'm right there with you. The lack of affection, for so long, puts us in a situation where we are so desperate for compassion. And out of that desperation, we are willing to settle for less than we deserve.

You have so much strength today. I respect where you are and it encourages me to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Thank you for sharing your journey today!