Bad News About My Mom
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 741
Bad News About My Mom
My mom just called me and told me she is going blind from macular degeneration.
Anyone who has followed my posts knows that I am not really close to her for many personal reasons caused by growing up in an insane dysfunctional home - not all of which was her fault but still, a lot went on that could have been prevented.
I'm not sure how to feel about this. She hasn't really ever seen or met my kids except when they were babies and I think I should get down there as soon as is financially possible so she can see them before she can't anymore.
I wavering between feeling kinda "eh" and feeling kinda "oh my God". Don't really know what I am getting at here; just kinda venting but I would appreciate your support. Thanks.
Anyone who has followed my posts knows that I am not really close to her for many personal reasons caused by growing up in an insane dysfunctional home - not all of which was her fault but still, a lot went on that could have been prevented.
I'm not sure how to feel about this. She hasn't really ever seen or met my kids except when they were babies and I think I should get down there as soon as is financially possible so she can see them before she can't anymore.
I wavering between feeling kinda "eh" and feeling kinda "oh my God". Don't really know what I am getting at here; just kinda venting but I would appreciate your support. Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: CA
Posts: 428
News like that is never easy. My grandma was diagnosed with it also, but it never did affect her. While it is a progressive disease I think it can be really slow, at least it was for my grandma.
I try to live my life without regret. I think this is a situation where you need to do what is best for you. If you think you would regret not seeing her then go see her.
I try to live my life without regret. I think this is a situation where you need to do what is best for you. If you think you would regret not seeing her then go see her.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
Take some time and let the news settle. Nothing has to be decided today. Nor do you have to defend your feelings...they are what they are.
She hasn't seen or met your kids?? That's really sad
How long has it been since she's been around?
She hasn't seen or met your kids?? That's really sad
How long has it been since she's been around?
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: "Happy Rock" (Gladstone) Oregon
Posts: 1,360
I like what tjp said, "...nothing has to be decided today."
I can relate to not being close to your mom. I just got here last month, so I haven't followed your posts yet, but I can tell you, we have this parental distance in common. I had to completely cut my mom out of my life. Prior to doing that, I did go through that feeling of panic when I got word of any major life event going on with her. In my case, there was that feeling of guilt that - - The Mother I Had Raised - - was in some kind of trouble and I had a responsibility to that.
Part of the reason why I didn't have children is because I was concerned that some subconscious thing I never would consciously want or intend, would get hold of me, and I would do something awful to my children in light of what my mom did to me - and what her mom did to her - and of course I heard stories about what my great grandmother did to my grandmother, too - So I can't relate to being a parent - but I can relate to being a child in a rough family situation.
Here is my opinion, based on that. If you think she can be decent with your children, and you decide that it is in the best interest of everyone to take the children to meet her before she loses her sight - if you think it is in your CHILDREN's highest interest - then make the trip.
If it's not in your children's best interest - - - send photos.
I can relate to not being close to your mom. I just got here last month, so I haven't followed your posts yet, but I can tell you, we have this parental distance in common. I had to completely cut my mom out of my life. Prior to doing that, I did go through that feeling of panic when I got word of any major life event going on with her. In my case, there was that feeling of guilt that - - The Mother I Had Raised - - was in some kind of trouble and I had a responsibility to that.
Part of the reason why I didn't have children is because I was concerned that some subconscious thing I never would consciously want or intend, would get hold of me, and I would do something awful to my children in light of what my mom did to me - and what her mom did to her - and of course I heard stories about what my great grandmother did to my grandmother, too - So I can't relate to being a parent - but I can relate to being a child in a rough family situation.
Here is my opinion, based on that. If you think she can be decent with your children, and you decide that it is in the best interest of everyone to take the children to meet her before she loses her sight - if you think it is in your CHILDREN's highest interest - then make the trip.
If it's not in your children's best interest - - - send photos.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 693
Squirrel-It is hard, even when we are not close to those we normally would be, when we get this kind of news. I agree, let it sit for awhile and see how you feel.
I also know someone diagnosed with macular degeneration and it has been 5 years and her eyesight is not any less than it was when she was originally diagnosed.
I'm sorry--it still is a shock and it still makes a decision seem more pressing.
I also know someone diagnosed with macular degeneration and it has been 5 years and her eyesight is not any less than it was when she was originally diagnosed.
I'm sorry--it still is a shock and it still makes a decision seem more pressing.
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