angie4

So I have been on this "me" quest for almost a week now. No snooping, trying to concentrate on me and the kids, trying not to worry about him and his issues. It hasnt been easy and I have slipped a few times, but overall it seems to be rolling along nicely. That is until yesterday. My addict called Saturday night (he works night shift) and asked me to meet him for breakfast. he needed a chance to talk to me with no kids around. I really wasnt sure what he wanted. Lots of thoughts went thru my head as I knew it could only be bad news. i thought maybe he wanted a divorce or maybe he had been cheating or maybe he just wanted to talk about his "recovery". I didnt ask a bunch of questions prior to the meeting and just showed up my normal self (even though I was panicking inside). So he begins to tell me he isnt in "recovery". He hasnt quit shooting up pain pills. He has been lying to me and wants a change. Of course he didnt tell me anything I didnt already know. He has been seeing a suboxone doctor for months and apparently hasnt been taking them. He said he wants to quit and wants my help. He wasnt going to take anymore. Threw his needles in the garbage and vowed to not pick up his phone (which he had left with a drug dealer for payment of his last fix). Was going to take his suboxone (for real this time) for a couple of weeks to wean himself off. Blah Blah Blah. went back to work last night and didnt show up at home this morning. I knew when he wasnt there before I left for work what was going on. Sure enough he called me and shot up again this morning. He says (haha) that he still wants to quit but needs to do it on a day he doesnt have to work. blah blah blah blah. I am tired. Sick and tired. Damn it I dont want to do this. I dont want to put my kids thru this. i know i have only 2 choices... stay or leave. And I dont like either choice. Both are terrible for the kids and neither is going to make life easier!! WHY?? Im not ok. We are not ok. Why do I have to make this choice. I just want to wish it all away. If I ask him to leave he wont. And I dont have anywhere to go. He has spent every dime we have. I am broke. I feel like the walls are closing in on me and I cant breathe.

nothing2011

Angie it's hard but you have to woory about YOU and the KIDS period. He is not gonna change until he wants to and he will keep telling you he wants to, to get what he wants from you "your approval". You are en-abling him and don't realize it. I am in the current situation but my AH is not living in home had my locks changed and fixing to change my phone number and we have 5 kids. He is also a pain killer addict along with everything else and alcohol. My AH recently attempted suicide when I told him I was leaving him. You have a choice and only you know when you are ready to make it Just know you are NOT alone in this there are plently of us that have been through, are going through etc. Hope this helps

subisbad

Hi hon, am very sorry , but my opinion would be is MUCH worse for kids to see and be around a dad who is still as active addict and has all those excuses we've all had! Trust me! If it hadn't been for the birth of my miracle child, I think I too would have chosen the demon heroin, or needle. So thankful I didn't! I am on day 13 now without an opiate, and yea it sucks but I have a wonderful support system that includes my husband, mother ( in another state) and a couple(2) girlfriends, one of which was right there with me on pain meds for so long. So I do feel lucky. And like crap too. I feel is what I have to go thru to come out stronger. I've been addicted since I was 15 to something or other! So here I am 54 and just hit my bottom! I'm so frickin' done!
Sorry really wasn't intending this to be about my recovery but about your situation that is very unhealthy to live in, especially for those sweet children. Get out while your ahead and don't believe him til he has proof from a professional. This may seem harsh,. but by staying with him, you are an enabler. You keep allowing him to do this to you and family. The best of luck to you my friend! Love~

hello-kitty

No you certainly aren't alone. Having to choose between the lesser of two evils is a difficult thing that adults often have to do to protect themselves and their children. And, unfortunately, not choosing is also a choice. But I think it's the worse choice of all, because a life of not choosing is a life full of regret and self-hatred.

Not choosing also hurts our children because when they grow up, they repeat the same patterns of behavior that they learn from us, their parents. We are suppose to be their protectors and champions. Yet so often we fall short of that goal because we are stuck and scared to make the changes necessary in ourselves to give them a better future.

dollydo

Your children deserve so much more. This is an toxic enviorment for you and your children.

His choices are his to own, his to resolve. As an adult we have to make choices, mature adults strive to make good decisions, immature adults make selfish, bad decisons.

Think this all through, make the right decision for your children.

I am sorry that you have to deal with this, but, there is an answer.

hello-kitty

Angie, say you decide to leave, do you know how you would do it?

Do you have the means? Do you have a plan?

I found it very helpful to put together a plan of how I would leave, how I would support my child, where I would go - all the details that so often held me back from making the decision to leave. You don't have neccessarily have to use your plan, but it's always good to be prepared. And putting together a plan would be proactive and help you get start to get your power back.