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Old 05-23-2011, 01:27 AM
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Just Joined

Good morning soberrecovery.com
I have a problem with binge drinking. It so far has cost me relationships, jobs, respect, a DUI and money.

I was looking at your forums yesterday and it has opened my eyes. I've seen so many patterns that fit me and the way that things could become.

I tried to go it alone before and fell off hard. I was sober for 2 months and then that 'oh well done, treat yourself to a beer' turned into wrecking a hotel room, peeing in my managers front room, starting fights with colleagues and I need to stop it. dead.

Its the same as other people I've read, that one turns into 10 turns into 20, lucky to not have woken up in the cells.

I'm too scared to go back into work today after the weekend. I need to beat my problem forever and keep myself under control. I realised this and i got home from work yesterday, cried, an hour, it wasnt nice but I think it was the realisation agin that I need to try harder.

I'm on day 3. Currently looking for a new job as im too ashamed to go back to work. I thought I could control myself for a few drinks but I got stupid and cost myself everything.
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Old 05-23-2011, 02:02 AM
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3 days, thats awsome!! The begining of sobriety is the most difficult for me. posting here is one of the things that helps me. Especially when I relaps and feel like such a looser. There is a huge sence of failure and fear of judgement from others. But no one has passed judgement on me so far, and I have always received ton's of support here. No matter what I do wrong.

Whatever happens keep posting. And don't beet yourself up about the work thing. It's the past, and as long as you don't drink, I doubt you'll be doing those things again. "Pissing in my managers room" ...... thats a good one. lol
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Old 05-23-2011, 02:20 AM
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Thanks for replying DUNE, I just got fed up of the relapsing, it just got worse and worse. I think im one of the parasomniac drunks.
Id pass out and half wake up, not have a clue what was going on and just go.. the most inappropriate places. My girlfriends room (christ knows how we got engaged), my parents house, hotel rooms (in her luggage).
It was this constant cycle of replacing carpets, promising myself I'd never get that smashed again. Lo and behold couple of drinks turns into £100 and a fortune of a repair bill.

I cant moderate at all, just seem to have that kind of personality. Im shy and quite bright but can be the most stupid person on the planet after a drink. Theres just no stop mechanism, even if I started getting refused entry to places it wasnt oh go home it was somewhere else will let me drink to oblivion. =(
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Old 05-23-2011, 03:36 AM
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Welcome roadie, I'm new here too and can relate to your episodes and the way you must feel right now. I've managed to make a complete fool of myself at work functions on more than one occasion, the only reason there haven't been more incidents is because my workplaces generally haven't been big on socializing!
I've had so much shame, guilt and swore i'd never get that drunk again, only to repeat it.
I have no ability to moderate once I'm on a roll. You're doing the right thing....hang in there!
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Old 05-23-2011, 03:43 AM
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Thank you so much, I'm finding it helpful to hear of others in the same situation and joining SR was a big step for me. Its just after failing miserably again that I realised I can't do it alone.

No Man is an Island. - Joan Baez

Hundred billion castaways, looking for a home. - Sting and the Police
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Old 05-23-2011, 03:52 AM
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Hi There,
Am relatively new myself, but I thought I would say hello.

This really is a good site, I am soo glad I found it, and I am glad that you have too.
Congratulations on three days so far, you're doing really well, and now you're here you can only get better..

Be Well,
Belle
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Old 05-23-2011, 03:58 AM
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Welcome roadie4000

D
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Old 05-23-2011, 04:28 AM
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Hi Roadie, Welcome.
I just heard my story on your first post.

The last time I was in that similar situation was 2007, but those "situations" kept happening for 35 years, whenever I drank alcohol.
I been sober now just over 3 years....due to the realization of the physical condition, the way alcohol, or the way my body reacts to alcohol should I say. We learn much from one alkie sharing to another on the journey of recovery from alcoholism.
It's far easier to conclude "defeat" over alcohol than try to beat the drinking game. I got that message from a sober person one week sober in 2007.

"The "new" game is now learning to live sober", they said.
Simple as it may sound, at first it's not that easy, but gets better, and it does.
It's Ok to be sober.
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Old 05-23-2011, 04:57 AM
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Hey Roadie

This is a great site with great support. I have the same problem as you in other words "binge drinking". For many years I have tried to deal with my problems on my own. Telling myself that i will try harder next time. IT DOES NOT WORK.... trust me the only solution is TOTAL abstanance from alchahol. For me the 1st step was admitting that I have a problem and started attending regular meetings (AA). You need to accept that this is a major problem and you need help. Ask for help and you will recieve.

Be strong and remember you CAN beat this thing...

Remember the little pleasures in life...

Ant
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Old 05-23-2011, 05:37 AM
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Hi Roadie.
I am new here day 8. I have had a lot of day 8's over the years, never longer than six months. For now I am happy where I am.

I think many of have struggled with the guilt and shame. I gave up on that. I decided it wasn't helpful, and I agree the task is as much about learning to live sober as much as it is giving up. Trying harder keeps you in the struggle.

I am still learning but I do think the 'I surrender' part is the first step and is an important one to maintain- it's one of the ways smarter beats harder.
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Old 05-23-2011, 06:00 AM
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Welcome To SR Glad that you made it here roadie4000

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Old 05-23-2011, 06:05 AM
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roadie, check out this thread...

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...wont-miss.html

It's a good reminder to us all, of what happens when we drink.
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Old 05-23-2011, 06:08 AM
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Welcome roadie. Congratulations on day 3. That's awesome.
Unfortunately, you can't erase the past. It will always be there as a haunting reminder of what was. Kind of like the ghost of the past in Scrooge. But the good thing is we can change what we have now. You can change today and tomorrow and the next day...you can create a new life. A life where people trust you, where you can control your actions and learn how to enjoy a real life sober.
Do you have any program you are following? AA? Anything?
Good luck and wishing you peace and strength.
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Old 05-23-2011, 08:35 AM
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Welcome Roadie I am a terrible bingedrinker as well. I dont really have any good advice. Otherwise that I think when you are terrible hungover and you are going through withdrawal symptoms it might be smart to just focus on getting through that. And when you feel better you have to deal with the havoc you have created. You are only human and you have a problem that you are dealing with.

I have also learned that people are pretty forgiving if you dont repeate your mistakes over and over again.

Good luck !
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Old 05-23-2011, 02:37 PM
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Welcome!
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Old 05-23-2011, 03:25 PM
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Welcome to SR, Roadie.
Don't think that you're the only one who's done stupid **** while drinking, I know I have, and unfortunately, I still carry around alot of self-shame for it. Funny thing is that others (those who don't regularly drink & do stupid ****) don't even remember it, but I do. I, too, have been embarrassed to return to work, to see friends, even to go back to bars (when I was drinking)...

The only encouragement that I can give is that today, I don't have to worry about causing any new havoc in my life and the lives of those around me. I'm still a long way away from cleaning up the wreckage that I've left behind, but as long as I don't add to it, it will get done with time.
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