High-fives for all you single parents
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: California
Posts: 221
High-fives for all you single parents
OK, just made it through my first "official" weekend as a single parent. Sure, I've had plenty of nights and weekends where my AW was here but wasn't really here. It felt really different this time, though, even though all the motions were exactly the same.
What was surprisingly different for me was how much more motivated I've felt to get things done around the house. I guess when you completely remove the alcoholic from the household, any hopes or dreams you might have of them pitching in finally get out of the way of just doing it.
So, for all you single parents out there: good job, guys and gals. You're stronger than many people, even when you feel weak.
What was surprisingly different for me was how much more motivated I've felt to get things done around the house. I guess when you completely remove the alcoholic from the household, any hopes or dreams you might have of them pitching in finally get out of the way of just doing it.
So, for all you single parents out there: good job, guys and gals. You're stronger than many people, even when you feel weak.
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
Posts: 2,391
There are several single Dad blogs that I always enjoy reading. I don't know that any of those men are struggling with an ex who has substance abuse issues but I know I enjoy reading blogs about people who have the same struggles etc. I do.
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: bay area, ca
Posts: 87
Thanks Jay. AWESOME job to you - so nice to read that men like you exist (AH has made me really cynical) - gives me hope for my boys.
so ditto you on "I guess when you completely remove the alcoholic from the household, any hopes or dreams you might have of them pitching in finally get out of the way of just doing it." Amazing how angry free and resentment free I was, the times AH was away. I asked ds1 if he would feel bad once his dad leaves this time and he was like "Not really. I am used to not having dad around". so sad...Even when AH was/is around, he is not much of a father.
so ditto you on "I guess when you completely remove the alcoholic from the household, any hopes or dreams you might have of them pitching in finally get out of the way of just doing it." Amazing how angry free and resentment free I was, the times AH was away. I asked ds1 if he would feel bad once his dad leaves this time and he was like "Not really. I am used to not having dad around". so sad...Even when AH was/is around, he is not much of a father.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
Jay - I was a single mum for a while when my baby was three months old. Due to different circumstances.
You don't probably need any advice because I thing you are doing brilliant from what I have read in your threads.
However I learnt
1. Take all the help that is offered to you - neighbours offering to have him have a sleep in his stroller in their garden while they watch over him and you get some rest or do some jobs etc etc. Accepting help is not weakness it's sensible.
2. Housework can wait - take care of your baby, you and your home in that order.
3. If you have cabin fever from being in the house - I always found a walk outside in the fresh air did wonders for lifting mood and encouraging a nap from little one.
4. Like wise if the weather was bad, I would pack us into the car go for a drive and when baby fell asleep I would pull up and have a quick nap or go through the drive through and buy a cup of tea and read a paper.
I hope I don't come across as patronising - you are doing so, so well and I think you are amazing.
Take lot's of care and love to your baby
xx
You don't probably need any advice because I thing you are doing brilliant from what I have read in your threads.
However I learnt
1. Take all the help that is offered to you - neighbours offering to have him have a sleep in his stroller in their garden while they watch over him and you get some rest or do some jobs etc etc. Accepting help is not weakness it's sensible.
2. Housework can wait - take care of your baby, you and your home in that order.
3. If you have cabin fever from being in the house - I always found a walk outside in the fresh air did wonders for lifting mood and encouraging a nap from little one.
4. Like wise if the weather was bad, I would pack us into the car go for a drive and when baby fell asleep I would pull up and have a quick nap or go through the drive through and buy a cup of tea and read a paper.
I hope I don't come across as patronising - you are doing so, so well and I think you are amazing.
Take lot's of care and love to your baby
xx
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 756
I can't tell you how many hours were spent with baby sleeping in the backseat while I was sitting in the front seat, eating food from the drive thru and reading a book during one of AH's deployments. That was how errand day used to work, I would drive in at nap time, have Ds get the nap in first, then go do the rest of the errands after he awoke.
Ahh..who am I kidding, I still try to arrange errands for when I can convince 3yo DS to take a nap in his carseat so I can get a bit of quiet time. LOL
Here's to many more quiet, calm weekends, at least until he starts walking. LOL
Ahh..who am I kidding, I still try to arrange errands for when I can convince 3yo DS to take a nap in his carseat so I can get a bit of quiet time. LOL
Here's to many more quiet, calm weekends, at least until he starts walking. LOL
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Niagara Region, Canada
Posts: 2,578
*bows* thankyou...being alone is a wonderful thing especially with my babies...my story? husband died i was prego and my son was 10 mths old only living in a new house for 10 mths...
NOW 9 years later....my son just turned 10 yesterday!....its still has its up and downs, but i am following my path of my recovery and teaching my kids healthy issues as they arise ( eg. sex..aarrggg!)
I am still grieving my loss and it never goes away but HE is watching over me...and i feel him....
~god bless
NOW 9 years later....my son just turned 10 yesterday!....its still has its up and downs, but i am following my path of my recovery and teaching my kids healthy issues as they arise ( eg. sex..aarrggg!)
I am still grieving my loss and it never goes away but HE is watching over me...and i feel him....
~god bless
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
It gets less labor intensive as they get older. Then the emotional worry sets in...having to let them loose on the world and praying you taught them well! That said, I've seen plenty of messed up teens from a two parent household as I've seen very successful and responsible teens for a single parent household.
Jayscott, you are going to be great at this - heck - you already are. Thanks for the nod. Been doing the single parent thing for many years now.
Jayscott, you are going to be great at this - heck - you already are. Thanks for the nod. Been doing the single parent thing for many years now.
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
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Naps are AWESOME!!!
I second the suggestion to accept help, and I'll go further: ASK for it. I've found in the past year -- even though my kids are bigger -- that people are remarkably willing to help if you ask. And my kids aren't even as cute as your little one is.
I second the suggestion to accept help, and I'll go further: ASK for it. I've found in the past year -- even though my kids are bigger -- that people are remarkably willing to help if you ask. And my kids aren't even as cute as your little one is.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
Originally Posted by pixilation 
I can't tell you how many hours were spent with baby sleeping in the backseat while I was sitting in the front seat, eating food from the drive thru and reading a book during one of AH's deployments. That was how errand day used to work, I would drive in at nap time, have Ds get the nap in first, then go do the rest of the errands after he awoke.
Ahh..who am I kidding, I still try to arrange errands for when I can convince 3yo DS to take a nap in his carseat so I can get a bit of quiet time. LOL
Here's to many more quiet, calm weekends, at least until he starts walking. LOL
Ahh..who am I kidding, I still try to arrange errands for when I can convince 3yo DS to take a nap in his carseat so I can get a bit of quiet time. LOL
Here's to many more quiet, calm weekends, at least until he starts walking. LOL
My neighbours still know that if I am asleep in the front of the car with engine still running (hand break on and doors locked etc etc) there is no need for concern. It simply means I have been up all night with my baby and I have driven round until she's asleep and I'm having a nap too!
Jay - the only time my baby has three hour naps is when she is at nursery and I am paying a stack of cash for her to sleep while I am at work looking like the living dead, so your doing better than me!!
xx
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Join Date: Sep 2009
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Originally Posted by Sasha4
Jay - the only time my baby has three hour naps is when she is at nursery and I am paying a stack of cash for her to sleep while I am at work looking like the living dead, so your doing better than me!!
xx
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