Roselian

I have been a lurker for sometime on this forum. Lots of great advice on how to be sober. I have a big propblem with alcohol. I am not an alcoholic and I only drink at weekends. But I tend to get very drunk and suffer from blackouts.I tend to drink until I pass out. I have done lots of very stupid stuff while under the influence. Including injuring my self, ended up at the hospital with broken bones etc.

I was sober for nearly 6 weeks this winter. Now I am drinking again. I know that I should stop. But in some way I dont want to. I want to learn to drink in a controlled manner. In many ways I am so sick of all the trouble alcohol is causing in my life. But in another way I dont want to quit.
I struggle a lot with being honest with my self. I know this sounds crazy but I have a heavy dose of denial in me that I am aware of. Step one is admitting I am powerless over alcohol. I cant even really admit that to my self.

susanlauren

Roselian,
If you are not an alcoholic, then you should be able to stop drinking on your own and should be able to moderate your drinking with ease. It sounds as if you are not ready to stop drinking yet. When drinking causes you enough pain, you will become ready.
Susan

Roselian

I dont know if I am ready or not. But I need to quit so I am just going to be sober for at least 4 weeks. My body really needs a big brake from alcohol. I

Mark75

Well, you are most certainly NOT unique!! LOL... I think I can say that nearly all of us felt that way at some point...

If you want to break through some of that denial, begin by looking at that "I am not an alcoholic" statement ... Maybe you are, in fact, not an alcoholic. I wonder though, based on your trouble with control and your black outs and your hospitalizations... Why do you say you aren't, an alcoholic?

Welcome to SR, glad you posted!!

least

The definition of alcoholism isn't how much you drink, or how often, or what you drink, it's what happens to you when you drink... and you sound like alcohol kicks your ass every time. Blacking out is one sign of 'problem' drinking tho. Why is it so important that you're not alcoholic? It's just a word. What matters is what you do about it.

refrigerator

I tried to keep telling myself the same thing for years and things just got worse and worse.

Dee74

Welcome Roselian

After twenty years of my own experience, and 4 years here, I do not believe you can 'learn' to drink in a controlled way - you either can...or you can't.

I spent 20 years try to 'learn' - I failed.
Don't waste as much time as I did.

I know it's scary, and the task looks immense - but I really bless the day I gave up alcohol...my life changed forever that day - for the better

Hope you'll stick around

D

Zebra1275

It doesn't matter what label you put on yourself, alcoholic or not, it's just semantics. But it certainly sounds to make like alcohol causes problems in your life. You said . . .

I have a big propblem with alcohol.

I tend to get very drunk and suffer from blackouts.

I tend to drink until I pass out.

I have done lots of very stupid stuff while under the influence. Including injuring my self, ended up at the hospital with broken bones etc.

I am so sick of all the trouble alcohol is causing in my life.

I have a heavy dose of denial in me

There are assessment tools to determine whether you have a drinking problem, you might want to take one. Be honest when you do.

artsoul

Welcome!

I understand your hesitancy to call yourself an alcoholic. The image is one of the old guy on the street, bottle in a brown paper bag, mumbling, etc..... But that's just the final stage. If you read the stories here, you'll see people who recognized their alcoholism pretty early and some much later.
Most of us have a hard time thinking about life without alcohol - would we ever be able to have fun again? Social drinkers just don't think like that. Believe me, it's pretty easy to start allowing yourself to drink on a weeknight once in a while, or have a drink at noon on Sunday after being drunk Saturday night because it helps with a hangover. It's a progressive disease.

You're just beginning to ask questions, and that's good. Whether you stay sober for a month or forever is, of course, up to you, but we're here for support!:ghug3

Anna

If you're not an alcoholic, you will have no problem stopping drinking.

Lipitor

So did I dee. And Roselian, I tried and tried to make a deal with the devil,
That is

swapping the type of drink, telling myself I could stop at one or five.

Please dont waste as much time as I did also

Hope you stick around here

L

TheTinMan

I hope you stick around longer than just the 4 weeks you plan on staying sober. Also the next time you want to drink remember the terrible hangover you had that you titled your post with.

Bikeguy

You never have to have another hangover again, your choice. I know I have never yet missed the morning after drinking, one more good reason to quit for good.

WINNC

I am just on day 28 but have to say there is nothing better than waking up in the morning feeling great. I have never had a night of drinking that was better than the way I have felt in the mornings the last four weeks. I wish I had done this years ago

ru12

It sure sounds like drinking is causing you problems. Do you have a specific plan to stop? You could try AA or SMART recovery

reggiewayne

Welcome Roselian. For me, I just had to ask myself if I wanted to live like I was living. I tried for years to control my drinking, while drinking. It never worked. No matter how hard I tried, no matter how many checks and balances I came up with, I constantly ended up drunk and then hungover.

If left on my own, I'm going to chose drinking (or it choses me). I had to find a program of recovery and divie in. It's one day at a time, but it does take a plan. AA is a pretty good plan IMO.

If you are wondering if you're an alcoholic, here is a very simple test.

If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking, you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic.

I wish you the best of luck. The good news is you never have to wake up hungover again if you've had enough...

CarolD

Glad you decided to de lurk....Welcome...

Here is a link of info you might find interesting Blackouts are explained there
and I too was a blackout drinker who got into all sorts of dangerous situations

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

ACT10Npack

Why not try being sober for 6 months and see how you feel and then see if you want to try drinking again. I can understand that you don't want to quit drinking but this would be a good time to stop for the time be and focus on yourself.

Mcribb

I always prided myself on "not drinking during the week" then I got drunk on the weekends. It took all I had not to drink on the weekdays, my only relief was on the weekends. I began to see how much I had to work on drinking not drinking and all the crap that went with it and finally said screw it. It took awhile but I do the 12 steps of AA now. That was only after having the stuffing kicked out of me mentally and physically for years. I know where you are at, it is scaring letting go of something that brought you happiness, such joy. I was obessessed of getting that taste back. That taste of youth. alchohol, the rush of being alive was dead. I came to realize that I need to stop chasing lies. I am old, I have something to give back now without me taking drugs and booze and women

Roselian

Thank you all for your kind replies. I know alcohol has strong hold on me. Alcohol is ruining my life but still I want to keep drinking. I does not matter that I only drink at weekends. I am ashamed to say this but I started to drink on friday night. And when I woke up I started drinking again. I can see that that is not normal behavior.
I feel good about being sober for at least 4 weeks. Hopefully it will more thant that. I am so tired of this.

I am just scared that when I forget this hangover that I will again think I can just drink a little bit. It is not that bad etc.
And sorry about the bad spelling. I am not drunk. Just from another country hehe.