subisbad

Good morning all, well it's day 12, but seems like 112! I have now walked around the block 2 days in a row. Once I enjoyed the walk itself and today I hated it. I have to make myself go for that morning walk! I have to get my mind and body stronger. I've decided this must be my second phase of withdrawals. I got thru the first one being horrible body aches, etc. Well now my mind is so busy but my body is too weak! My mind is racing "what should I do today?!!!". Another big problem is I've always been my own worst enemy. I took meds in place of eating, now eating is SO, SO hard to get up and make something. Nothing sounds good, or whatever does...I just have to find the strength to get up and make it. I have been an addict 40 yrs! I'm 54 now. I'd like to make an analogy...I feel like I'm literally digging thru a bucket of feces knowing there's some BIG reward when I find it, but gotta dig thru that and get the $%&T under my nails first. SO....I found the treasure and it only seems to be a penny! Not to be negative here my friends, but this has to be an outlet for me. But I am going to keep on going, because one day folks, I just may find something I like to DO in that bucket! ) Not an artsy craftsy person, but on the other hand, am I?! Hell I don't even know WHO I am, truly. Am going to make something to eat now. A positive note???....DON'T EVER GIVE UP! Love and peace~ Ahhh the thought of true peace....that;s my dream!