here i go... alone.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 98
here i go... alone.
hello. i'm new here. a few months ago i realized i wasn't a social drinker, that i had a problem and that i was poisoning myself to death, but no matter how much i tried to stop drinking there was always "one more trip" to the liquor store for "one more bottle." my spouse thinks i quit months and months ago; my spouse does not know about the fact that i've been squirreling away bottles. i've been fine with turning down wine at dinner parties and not going to bars with my drinking friends but that's only because of my "stash" at home....
but i'm sick of hiding from the spouse, i'm sick of being sick and self-medicating with poison.
so i tried to get support. i told two of my best friends about my alcoholism, people who have been through hell and back with me -- and they no longer call, write or come around, and now find excuses to avoid seeing me socially. that has hurt quite a bit and made me very apprehensive about telling anyone else. likewise, i want the spouse to keep thinking that i quit a few months ago (as it is important to save our marriage.) please don't judge me for that, okay?
but i know i can't quit alone, as i've tried that, so maybe a forum will be helpful. this is day one of about fifteen "day ones," and i want this to be the one that sticks. any advice as to how to get through the next few days/weeks/months without going to the liquor store, doing this by myself? any stories from things that helped you if you did it all alone? i don't want to drink myself to death.
(i know i will get the 'go to AA' advice, but going to AA is not possible for me. likewise, i can't do a "program" or see a counselor as spouse & i barely make enough as it is to keep our house and groceries and things. hey! quitting vodka will help with that! that's a positive thing to start with....)
but i'm sick of hiding from the spouse, i'm sick of being sick and self-medicating with poison.
so i tried to get support. i told two of my best friends about my alcoholism, people who have been through hell and back with me -- and they no longer call, write or come around, and now find excuses to avoid seeing me socially. that has hurt quite a bit and made me very apprehensive about telling anyone else. likewise, i want the spouse to keep thinking that i quit a few months ago (as it is important to save our marriage.) please don't judge me for that, okay?
but i know i can't quit alone, as i've tried that, so maybe a forum will be helpful. this is day one of about fifteen "day ones," and i want this to be the one that sticks. any advice as to how to get through the next few days/weeks/months without going to the liquor store, doing this by myself? any stories from things that helped you if you did it all alone? i don't want to drink myself to death.
(i know i will get the 'go to AA' advice, but going to AA is not possible for me. likewise, i can't do a "program" or see a counselor as spouse & i barely make enough as it is to keep our house and groceries and things. hey! quitting vodka will help with that! that's a positive thing to start with....)
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by zeldachan 
... but going to AA is not possible for me. likewise, i can't do a "program" or see a counselor as spouse & i barely make enough as it is to keep our house and groceries and things. hey! quitting vodka will help with that! that's a positive thing to start with....)
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: California
Posts: 624
I understand your reluctance to go to a meeting, especially if you hold a prominent or public job in your community. The confidentiality agreement in AA is absolutely sacrosanct - anyone who outs you or acknowledges you also outs themselves, and so it happens very, very rarely. A meeting I went to last November (there were 11 of us in the room) contained my daughter's High School Principal, a parent I am very friendly with, and the nurse that treated my daughter for a broken arm in the ER department a few weeks before.
As you can imagine - all of us (bar the nurse) knew each other and exactly why we were there. Nothing was, has ever, and I hope, ever will, be said between ANY of us.
Anyhow, I digress. What do YOU think you need to continue your recovery successfully? SR has been amazing for me, but sometimes people need more, especially if they attempted to stop many times without long term success. Could you see your doctor and talk to them? Many healthcare providers actually have specialist drugs/alcohol counselors, it's covered by your insurance and is totally confidential.
Also, no one on here is going to haul you over the coals for not being honest with your spouse. We are all aware of what this powerful disease/behavior pattern does to people, and how it can turn a good, honest person into the most manipulative, lying son of a gun you've ever met. Trust me.
As you can imagine - all of us (bar the nurse) knew each other and exactly why we were there. Nothing was, has ever, and I hope, ever will, be said between ANY of us.
Anyhow, I digress. What do YOU think you need to continue your recovery successfully? SR has been amazing for me, but sometimes people need more, especially if they attempted to stop many times without long term success. Could you see your doctor and talk to them? Many healthcare providers actually have specialist drugs/alcohol counselors, it's covered by your insurance and is totally confidential.
Also, no one on here is going to haul you over the coals for not being honest with your spouse. We are all aware of what this powerful disease/behavior pattern does to people, and how it can turn a good, honest person into the most manipulative, lying son of a gun you've ever met. Trust me.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Cary, NC
Posts: 715
Hey zeldachan Welcome to SR -
There are some people who go it alone or use SR solely for support, and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. I tried to get sober with just the help of SR and found that I needed some face-to-face support.
I know I didn't want anyone to know I was an alcoholic, not family, not friends, not anyone. But, if the choice is between that and death (and for me it was), then I'd rather be sober and let others get all flustered about what is really my problem.
I guess I'd say just don't write it off. This is a tough road to go alone.
Glad you're here.
There are some people who go it alone or use SR solely for support, and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. I tried to get sober with just the help of SR and found that I needed some face-to-face support.
I know I didn't want anyone to know I was an alcoholic, not family, not friends, not anyone. But, if the choice is between that and death (and for me it was), then I'd rather be sober and let others get all flustered about what is really my problem.
I guess I'd say just don't write it off. This is a tough road to go alone.
Glad you're here.
Egomaniac +Inferiority Complex
Join Date: May 2011
Location: London, ON, Canada
Posts: 15
Hey, good for you for posting. Keep your chin up. You are NOT alone, this forum is full of like-minded individuals fighting similar battles.
I work in Education at a relatively large college. I tried to pick an AA group in a part of town further away from where I work. Still, there were 4 or 5 people there who I'd been in contact with in my professional life, be it students or parents or graduates or whatever.
They were incredibly supportive, and I found the anonymity is taken VERY seriously. I am currently off the wagon and havent been to a meeting in weeks, so I dont want to sound hypocritical, but just thought I'd throw my 2 cents in.
My marriage failed last year at 26, largely in part to my Depression and self-medicating. I hid booze too...every drawer, cupboard in the basement, even the back of my guitar amp, were full of empties. She still loves me and would take my back (I initiated the break-up) on the condition I work on my recovery as a priority. And she's honestly the most wonderful woman Ive ever met. I wanted to save her from the misery of living with an alcoholic, promising I was embarking on a crusade of soul-searching and sobriety. Well, 8 months later and I'm actively drinking again. Such is this sly, conniving Catch-22 that is self-medicating with alcohol that I am at a loss at how to move forward without alcohol. All my family and friends are at home in England...but my 2 little girls are here. I'm very weak right now, almost hopeless.
Wishing you the very best. I hope you can take heed of at least how NOT to conclude the situation.
I work in Education at a relatively large college. I tried to pick an AA group in a part of town further away from where I work. Still, there were 4 or 5 people there who I'd been in contact with in my professional life, be it students or parents or graduates or whatever.
They were incredibly supportive, and I found the anonymity is taken VERY seriously. I am currently off the wagon and havent been to a meeting in weeks, so I dont want to sound hypocritical, but just thought I'd throw my 2 cents in.
My marriage failed last year at 26, largely in part to my Depression and self-medicating. I hid booze too...every drawer, cupboard in the basement, even the back of my guitar amp, were full of empties. She still loves me and would take my back (I initiated the break-up) on the condition I work on my recovery as a priority. And she's honestly the most wonderful woman Ive ever met. I wanted to save her from the misery of living with an alcoholic, promising I was embarking on a crusade of soul-searching and sobriety. Well, 8 months later and I'm actively drinking again. Such is this sly, conniving Catch-22 that is self-medicating with alcohol that I am at a loss at how to move forward without alcohol. All my family and friends are at home in England...but my 2 little girls are here. I'm very weak right now, almost hopeless.
Wishing you the very best. I hope you can take heed of at least how NOT to conclude the situation.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Welcome,
I'm glad you posted.
I strongly suggest that you talk to your husband and tell him the truth. For me, honesty has been the cornerstone of recovery. Addicts lie. It's what we do, and it was really important for me to stop lying.
You can recover without a specific program if you are motivated and work hard at it. Stopping drinking is the first step, and then the hard work begins as you look at the underlying issues that caused you to drink.
As for your friends, it's really hard for others to understand what we're going through, so keep reading and posting here because we do understand.
I'm glad you posted.
I strongly suggest that you talk to your husband and tell him the truth. For me, honesty has been the cornerstone of recovery. Addicts lie. It's what we do, and it was really important for me to stop lying.
You can recover without a specific program if you are motivated and work hard at it. Stopping drinking is the first step, and then the hard work begins as you look at the underlying issues that caused you to drink.
As for your friends, it's really hard for others to understand what we're going through, so keep reading and posting here because we do understand.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 140
OMG this is my story! In public, I didn't drink, I turned down drinks and was the non drinker. But I always had my stash at home--squirreled away in this or that closet. But then I decided to get sober again, and I told three people about how much I was drinking and everything that I was doing to do to stop, and they all fell away--they were hurt and angry, for reasons that I think have to do with their experiences with alcoholics more than what we went through--they just didn't want to deal with it. And it is a hard road to go down with anyone, just like any illness. How many people do you know that when their friend has cancer, they turn away? Some are there, and some turn away because of their own issues.
So in the end, this is my road to walk, not theirs, and I feel very very alone, but that's why I post so much on this site, so that I don't feel alone. Your story makes me feel better about myself because I know that our illness led us to do the things we did, not because we are bad people, but because we are sick and share a common illness. I hope and pray that you find some solace in this and that you keep coming back because I so relate to you.
So in the end, this is my road to walk, not theirs, and I feel very very alone, but that's why I post so much on this site, so that I don't feel alone. Your story makes me feel better about myself because I know that our illness led us to do the things we did, not because we are bad people, but because we are sick and share a common illness. I hope and pray that you find some solace in this and that you keep coming back because I so relate to you.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: TN
Posts: 162
Originally Posted by zeldachan
i can't go to AA or anything like that. i have... a recognizable face, let's just say. there would be a scandal. gotta do it alone.
Some people on here do not work any form of an organized/formal program and seem to do just fine. I wish you the best.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
welcome to SR ..
Please do stay connected to us...many of us are winning over alcohol...
I do use AA....but others here are also happily long term recovered.
There is no wrong way to find a sober lifestyle.
All my best as you move forward ..
Please do stay connected to us...many of us are winning over alcohol...
I do use AA....but others here are also happily long term recovered.
There is no wrong way to find a sober lifestyle.
All my best as you move forward ..
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,911
Welcome. A lot of us have a reluctance to go to AA because we don't want anyone to know. It's not uncommon for newcomers to drive 30 miles to an AA meeting so that won't see anybody they know.
I didn't drive 30 miles to meetings but I did try to pick one's away form my home when I first started. Now my time is more important so I tend to go to meetings close to home.
I didn't drive 30 miles to meetings but I did try to pick one's away form my home when I first started. Now my time is more important so I tend to go to meetings close to home.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 98
thank you to everyone who responded. i didn't think so many people would. wow!!
i guess maybe i don't want to go outside and say to other people "HI I HAVE A PROBLEM," but that's part of how you get better, right? see, i know all this stuff academically, it's just putting it into practice that's the issue.
thanks to everyone. i will be coming back, definitely.
i guess maybe i don't want to go outside and say to other people "HI I HAVE A PROBLEM," but that's part of how you get better, right? see, i know all this stuff academically, it's just putting it into practice that's the issue.
thanks to everyone. i will be coming back, definitely.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome - :ghug3as you can see, there are a lot of us out here! Getting support from others who have walked the same road is so important.
I never thought I'd say this, but life is much better without alcohol.
I never thought I'd say this, but life is much better without alcohol.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 140
Hi Z: I live in NYC and used to go to a big meeting in midtown and very well known celebrities go there, as well as recognizable people from the city, and everyone respects their privacy. And you know what, we're all there for the same reasons. AA isn't for everyone, lots of people recover without it, but I wouldn't let the privacy/recognizability issue be a problem. And look at it this way--our former president was a recovering alcoholic--not much more recognizable than that.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Hi Zelda and welcome!
I am sober thanks to SR and SR pretty much alone (thanks everyone!!!). I had about a million day 1's before this one stuck (10+ months). In addition to SR I do Have a life coach, we do not discuss my drinking problem but I know the work I do with her helps. I understand about finances bit I was able to make a great deal of self improvement with reading and being diligent about working on myself too.
I don't know where you stand on this but faith certainly helps too
I looking forward to seeing you around and hearing about your progress
I am sober thanks to SR and SR pretty much alone (thanks everyone!!!). I had about a million day 1's before this one stuck (10+ months). In addition to SR I do Have a life coach, we do not discuss my drinking problem but I know the work I do with her helps. I understand about finances bit I was able to make a great deal of self improvement with reading and being diligent about working on myself too.
I don't know where you stand on this but faith certainly helps too
I looking forward to seeing you around and hearing about your progress
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
Welcome zeldachan...you're never alone here. This is one big happy 24/7 AA party. Hehe
I've been here since alittle after I quit over 100 days ago. Seems like forever ago. LOL
You'll like it here...and when maybe you are more comfortable with your sobriety you'd hit up a meeting.
As newwings mentioned...my group also holds a few that surprised me. Our principal (although he doesn't hit meetings) has had 3 DUI's so everyone has a story. I met a few very surprising people while in AA. It's comforting, it's kind of like our home. We are true freinds. And only we know the secret handshake.
I've been here since alittle after I quit over 100 days ago. Seems like forever ago. LOL
You'll like it here...and when maybe you are more comfortable with your sobriety you'd hit up a meeting.
As newwings mentioned...my group also holds a few that surprised me. Our principal (although he doesn't hit meetings) has had 3 DUI's so everyone has a story. I met a few very surprising people while in AA. It's comforting, it's kind of like our home. We are true freinds. And only we know the secret handshake.
Resting Easy
Join Date: May 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 99
Welcome, Zeldachan. We can do this together. I've been finding the forum helps me to be honest with myself. It is hard to be honest with others sometimes, especially when we've let them down, or we're afraid we'll let them down. But here....it's okay because we all know how it is. I call the little voice in my head that tries to convince me its okay to have one drink the little trickster. I'm getting better at catching that little voice and not listening to it. You might call it something stronger like the monster, the devil, whatever. The point is not to let it get the upper hand. That's why I call it the trickster. It doesn't have any power at all unless I give into it. And I'm not going to do it. At least not today. Day 22...and going strong. Hang in there Zeldachan!
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