HelplessBystnr

Greetings all.Im here because of a friend who has been addicted to opiates for about 20 years.He started using heroin at 16 and he's been around the block a few times with cocaine,pills,benzos and alcohol.I have only know him for about 6 months and the scope of his problems didn't really come into light until recently.I really don't know how to deal with the situation.I was raised in an alcoholic environment but I have never encountered a serious addict.I have now.I honestly don't think I can deal with it.

He also has a terminal liver disease and drinks excessively.I think he has a deathwish.He spent a year in prison for his addiction,been in countless rehabs,destroyed any relationships he has had....I just don't know if I should help or run as far away as possible.He seems to not have a "normal" menatality with how to deal with stress and emotionally is like dealing with an adolescent.38 going on 18.

I am unfortunately the person he seems to think is the one he can talk to or keep him "grounded" but when he's texting me about going to score some heroin and he doesn't care if it hurts me ,his family or job,I get angry and frustrated.I should also add he is my boss at work.That is also very hard to deal with because I know him outside of work and can't really respect him as my "superior" when he's shaking and obviously losing his grip.

How do you deal with a situation like this? It's like he's a hurt animal I want to help,but I KNOW it's pointless because of prison and his own child [yes,he has a child but mom has custody thank god] can't stop him from using,what the hell good am I going to do? and as my boss,it makes it really hard.The company suspects he has a serious problem and it's the secret we all "know".

Tired of fighting with him and dealing with his problems.But feel compelled to stand by and try.WHY?

Chino

You're probably the only person who will listen to his quacking. He's more than likely burned every bridge before you.

If you can't step away from his issues, though they are detrimental to you, then you might be addicted to them just as much as he is addicted to the drug. Since you grew up in an alcoholic environment, it's entirely possible you learned and have deeply ingrained codependent behaviors.

Codependent No More is a great book that is always suggested here. Alanon and Naranon are 12 step recovery programs that are suggested too. They're great self help programs that help us break free from the chains (decisions and choices) that imprison us.

As far as work goes, if it's interfering with your work, you have choices. You can find another job or talk to his superiors. We're only as sick as our secrets and you're keeping his.

Impurrfect

Welcome to SR!!

Ditto what ((Chino)) said. I was always the one everyone could talk to about anything, but I had to learn to set boundaries. There are just some things I don't want/need to hear. It took a while, and I've been in addiction/codependency recovery for a little over 4 years, but it does happen the more we focus on what WE want from life, and take steps to get that.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

HelplessBystnr

Thanks,Chino I KNOW my own background has a lot to do with me fooling myself into thinking I can "help".I know I can't.I'm in the process right now of trying to solve work issue and transfer out.

As I read other posts I realize how true it is to be addicted to the addict.Human nature is such a great mystery and I am the type of person to OVER anaylize a situation and go round and round trying to see the logic in something where logic doesn't apply so easily.

I know with him I am pissing up a proverbial rope.All it will do is damage me and get me involved in complexities I don't really want to deal with.I have my own problems and don't have the energy to deal with another person's problems which are of biblical proportions comapared to mine.

I worry about how to pay for re-siding the house and he's worried about scoring enough of whatever he can get to get through a departmental meeting.Totally different mindsets and priorities.Makes me see I DO have the strength to walk away because there is no way he'd be able to function in my "boring" vanilla homeowner world...and I got out of an alcoholic environment with a healthy aversion to drinking thank God!

I appreciate the reply! Thanks again.