A cautious introduction
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: UK.
Posts: 143
A cautious introduction
Erm, well hello, I guess I thought I would firstly introduce myself, and maybe tell you a little bit about me.
I am 34, I live with my ex partner in Nottingham, UK. Not a great situation, but it’s simply how is has to be. You see, It’s a rebound relationship, one that was beneficial to both of us at the time, but in honesty, it was a mistake. We were together for almost 5 years, and one day I told her I had had enough. I felt undervalued, and underappreciated and emotionally neglected. She not a bad person, just oblivious, for example, in the 4 years we were together, she forgot my birthday 3 times, Petty I know, but it was just the icing on the cake.
I think it was at this time (18mths ago) That I really began to fall into a depressed state, I felt low a lot of the time, silly things happened and it just sort of piled up.
I would occasionally go out and have a few drinks, these times were irregular, but I would end up having a few to many. As time has gone on, and things have happened, i think its getting out of hand. In the last 4 months or so, my irregular binge drinking sessions have moved into a new plane, I have begun drinking more and more, I have had maybe 10 days sober. I think I drink cos I am bored, and lonely. I have had a few experiences in my life that have caused me pain, I have never really spoken about these experiences, I think that is part of my problem.
I try and blot things, out. Numb the noises in my head if you will.
My good friend is a recovering alcoholic, he says he thinks I have a problem, says that anyone who drinks a couple of bottles of wine a night on their own, and feels little effect, is trying to hide from something. I thought he was wrong.
I think I may have to reassess my thoughts.
It is with a heavy heart, and a great deal of shame and self disgust I say to you, I think I have a drink problem, and I would like to not have, I reach out to anyone who wants to, and I ask you for some help.
That is it really, I will very likely take this post down very soon, I will try not to, it is time for me to change.
I am 34, I live with my ex partner in Nottingham, UK. Not a great situation, but it’s simply how is has to be. You see, It’s a rebound relationship, one that was beneficial to both of us at the time, but in honesty, it was a mistake. We were together for almost 5 years, and one day I told her I had had enough. I felt undervalued, and underappreciated and emotionally neglected. She not a bad person, just oblivious, for example, in the 4 years we were together, she forgot my birthday 3 times, Petty I know, but it was just the icing on the cake.
I think it was at this time (18mths ago) That I really began to fall into a depressed state, I felt low a lot of the time, silly things happened and it just sort of piled up.
I would occasionally go out and have a few drinks, these times were irregular, but I would end up having a few to many. As time has gone on, and things have happened, i think its getting out of hand. In the last 4 months or so, my irregular binge drinking sessions have moved into a new plane, I have begun drinking more and more, I have had maybe 10 days sober. I think I drink cos I am bored, and lonely. I have had a few experiences in my life that have caused me pain, I have never really spoken about these experiences, I think that is part of my problem.
I try and blot things, out. Numb the noises in my head if you will.
My good friend is a recovering alcoholic, he says he thinks I have a problem, says that anyone who drinks a couple of bottles of wine a night on their own, and feels little effect, is trying to hide from something. I thought he was wrong.
I think I may have to reassess my thoughts.
It is with a heavy heart, and a great deal of shame and self disgust I say to you, I think I have a drink problem, and I would like to not have, I reach out to anyone who wants to, and I ask you for some help.
That is it really, I will very likely take this post down very soon, I will try not to, it is time for me to change.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
welcome to SR Canterbell 
I self medicated too for a lot of years - gradually I needed to do so all day every day....
You're smart to look at this honestly now
Congratulations on your 10 days
D
I self medicated too for a lot of years - gradually I needed to do so all day every day....
You're smart to look at this honestly now
Congratulations on your 10 days
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: California
Posts: 624
I so relate. I also drank to numb certain events and crisis in my life. Unfortunately doing that created MORE to deal with - talking about stacking the blocks up against me. Please don't take your post down, it might just help to re read it later on when you need a boost as to why you want to quit. I still read mine, from 30 days ago when I first joined. I'm now pleased to say that was the first day of my sobriety, and I'm still sober, 30 days later, a lot of due to the support and friendships made on here.
Welcome.
Welcome.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
welcome canterbell - we know what it's like and how scary it is to make that first admission. I think you'll find a lot of people here who have the same story.
You really can get sober and feel good about yourself again. It takes support, though - none of can do this on our own. Glad you're here.
You really can get sober and feel good about yourself again. It takes support, though - none of can do this on our own. Glad you're here.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 140
Hi Canter, good to see you here. I so relate, I am bored and sad and lonely right now--my partner wants nothing to do with me, and two other friends, when I told them what was going on, are furious at me for hiding this from them and won't talk to me. So here I am, on day two, and I resolved not to drink over it, but I am so sad that I can hardly stand it. Add to that, I am going to the vet tomorrow to most likely put my 21 year old cat down, who has just lost the ability to walk, which will crush me--21 years is a long time to live with a beloved pal. Not to hijack your post with my self involvement, but I know the two bottle a night syndrome, and I know how it makes me feel, and I think we;re both in the right place. See, I stopped thinking about myself for one tiny moment because I was thinking about you, and glad that you have found support and help here. Don't take your post down, I need it.
Servant of God
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Parts Unknown
Posts: 214
Thank you for a very honest and insightful post. Those two qualities can be hard to come by so consider yourself lucky. I can relate to the shame of it all but the real shame is usually how long we take before giving up. Look at this time not with disgust but as the moment you began to reclaim your dignity.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: UK.
Posts: 143
Hey City,
Thank you for responding, it would seem we are in very similar places, I too am on day two. I had to put my dog down a year ago today, and some people really struggle with the power of losing a pet. I feel for you darlin, I really do. If there is anything I can do to help, even if you want to swap sob stories, I am here for you.
Im struggling tonight, lots more than I care to admit, I am trying to keep the demons at bay, I maintain a "chipper" attitude in the chat room, for the sake of the others, I dont want to be a trigger. And nobody in my "real" world knows what a state I have gotten myself in, I am hoping that I can find help in here...
Take care of you..
Thank you for responding, it would seem we are in very similar places, I too am on day two. I had to put my dog down a year ago today, and some people really struggle with the power of losing a pet. I feel for you darlin, I really do. If there is anything I can do to help, even if you want to swap sob stories, I am here for you.
Im struggling tonight, lots more than I care to admit, I am trying to keep the demons at bay, I maintain a "chipper" attitude in the chat room, for the sake of the others, I dont want to be a trigger. And nobody in my "real" world knows what a state I have gotten myself in, I am hoping that I can find help in here...
Take care of you..
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 1,028
Welcome! I think it's great that you are here and you are still young! You must be a wise thing! It took me 24yrs to admit I was numbing myself and avoiding past pain! You stick around. This will be good for you and all those you touch with your struggles and stories.
It took me 24yrs to admit I was numbing myself and avoiding past pain! You stick around. This will be good for you and all those you touch with your struggles and stories.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: UK.
Posts: 143
Day 3 and its getting freaky in here.. I feel physically a little better, but I could combust with shame and fear and tears.
I feel like such a loser.
Thank you all for your kind words of support..
I feel like such a loser.
Thank you all for your kind words of support..
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: California
Posts: 624
Canter, you are coming out the other side. It's painful doing so, but it's so worth it. I wouldn't want, for a minute, to live the life I was living before I quit, but there's also an emotional price to pay for coming out of the 'fog'. Ride it out, it's part of recovery. I knew I never wanted another day of adding to the shame, fear and anxiety when drinking. At least the feelings I have now are REAL, painful and confusing as they can be. Look after yourself, ok?
As for being a loser - NO WAY. Stick at this, every day you are sober, you are a WINNER (even though it doesn't feel like it sometimes).
x
As for being a loser - NO WAY. Stick at this, every day you are sober, you are a WINNER (even though it doesn't feel like it sometimes).
x
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 35,731
Welcome Canterbell! I'm so glad you decided to join us. Please don't feel you have to put on a "happy" face. If your having a problem there is no need to hide it for our sake. It doesn't help you and your missing out on getting the support you need.
I'm one of the people who drank to avoid dealing with issues! I made such a mistake doing that. The problems became bigger and all I was running from hit me in the face like a ton of bricks.
One of the many things I've learned being on SR is I'm not alone with some of my issues. I've talked to people about things I've kept hidden for years. It is the only way to deal with them, heal and move on. I hope you give us the chance to help you like I was helped.
Hiding and drinking away problems leads to a lonely sad life. Releasing the pain is a step in the right direction. I hope you give sobriety a chance. You'll never regret it.
My Best Wishes To You! :ghug3
I'm one of the people who drank to avoid dealing with issues! I made such a mistake doing that. The problems became bigger and all I was running from hit me in the face like a ton of bricks.
One of the many things I've learned being on SR is I'm not alone with some of my issues. I've talked to people about things I've kept hidden for years. It is the only way to deal with them, heal and move on. I hope you give us the chance to help you like I was helped.
Hiding and drinking away problems leads to a lonely sad life. Releasing the pain is a step in the right direction. I hope you give sobriety a chance. You'll never regret it.
My Best Wishes To You! :ghug3
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,474
Hi canter...and welcome again. Was great to meet you in chat, and hope to see you again soon.
I love that Pink song, Pretty Pretty Please..............
All that you are feeling right now comes with the territory of stopping drinking, just know this hun, it does and will get better. I am so proud of you for getting to 3 days, knowing a little of where you are at.
I hope that you find this place as much of a kind, caring and supportive place that I have. There will always be someone here with encouragement and experience to listen to you and hopefully give you some inspiration and hope.
Keep it up, you are doing awesomely.
I love that Pink song, Pretty Pretty Please..............
All that you are feeling right now comes with the territory of stopping drinking, just know this hun, it does and will get better. I am so proud of you for getting to 3 days, knowing a little of where you are at.
I hope that you find this place as much of a kind, caring and supportive place that I have. There will always be someone here with encouragement and experience to listen to you and hopefully give you some inspiration and hope.
Keep it up, you are doing awesomely.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
