Last and final chance
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 14
Last and final chance
Hi guys, before sharing I would like to give some background on myself. I'm a twenty one year old male from new jersey I've been using drugs since the age of 16 which included pot and alcohol. That then lead to an 80 mg a day oxy habit then to snorting heroin and finally iv heroin (2- 20) bags on a given day and an insane benzodiazepine habit which i would pop 10 bars at once and 60 mg klonopin at a time.
March 11 2011. Started out like any normal day, wanting to cop. I was out of money so I asked my mother for a check for cvs as I told her I needed to pick up my suboxone script. I changed cvs to cash on the check and proceeded to wells Fargo then to my dope man. I purchased a bundle and was on my way home to use. The bags by the way were green and I forget the stamp.
I get home, prepare my 8 bag shot, sit on the toilet, and I inject.
Life as I know it will never be the same
I wake up, on the floor in a dark bathroom to what I assumed was twelve hours later. My right leg and left arm are completely numb. I'm on my bathroom floor as I cannot stand reaching for the door knob. After about 10 tries and an hour later after trying to reach and missing and hitting my head on the bathroom tile I open the door. At this point all I wanted to do was crawl to my bed and sleep. I thought my leg and arm had just fallen asleep and everything will be ok.
I wake up next mourning and my leg and arm are still numb. Being an addict I crAwl back to the bathroom to finish the two bags I had left, then to the ER as I call 911. I arrive in the ER around 8 am. At this point I still did not think anything of this. At first I denied using drugs because imdid not want my girlfriend to know I was using again as we just got back together and she thought I was clean. After awhile I owned up to it. I go to pee and out comes coca cola colored urine uh oh . I did not know what it meant at the time but my kidneys had failed.
After seeing several doctors around 8 pm the decision was made to preform an emergency fasciotomy . I did not have a pulse in my lower leg, it was completely numb. I as told there was a good chance they would have to amputate the leg if they could not restore blood flow back into my leg. After hearing this news I didn't react or have any emotions. I believe delirium had set in from the muscle breakdown which caused my kidneys to fail.
I'm taken into the OR, given anastasia and off to sleep I went. The second I woke up I looked down to see if my leg was there and sure enough it was there, swollen three times it's size and hooked up to a wund vac but still there. My surgen was able to restore blood flow back into my leg and foot on his last and final attempt and he also went into the veins he could and cleaned out blood clots. So I'm taken to icu and fall asleep for the night. Was in iCU for about five days as my vac is changed everyday and the canister whichs traps fluid from my leg is caught is switched out when it was full. I needed blood transfusions as I developed anemia, had surgery three days post my fasciotomy to start dialysis and having blood drawn every six hrs and nurses checking to see of I have a pulse in my leg which thank god it returned for good.
To sum things up. Two weeks later my kidney function came back. I left the hospital after eight weeks to go a nursing home for physical therapy as my leg is still numb and has two skin grafts and my hand which has radial nerve damage from passing out on it and laying for suchna long period of time on it. I'm able to walk with a platform walker to support my left arm. I have foot drop so stepping can get tricky but for the most part I'm doing well and am being told I will just need a type of plastic to put in my shoe to be able to walk again, without the walker numb foot and all. I'm a little worried about my hand. It's very hypersensitive, my pinky and ring finger have almost full sensations while the other fingers not so much.
But as I type thisbon my nursing home bed I stay hopeful and thank god for being hopeful and my parents who are sticking by me and my amazing sober never touched a drug in her life girlfriend hopefully one day my fiancé who gives up so much of her free time to spend it with me. I would not of progressed as much as I have without her
March 11 2011. Started out like any normal day, wanting to cop. I was out of money so I asked my mother for a check for cvs as I told her I needed to pick up my suboxone script. I changed cvs to cash on the check and proceeded to wells Fargo then to my dope man. I purchased a bundle and was on my way home to use. The bags by the way were green and I forget the stamp.
I get home, prepare my 8 bag shot, sit on the toilet, and I inject.
Life as I know it will never be the same
I wake up, on the floor in a dark bathroom to what I assumed was twelve hours later. My right leg and left arm are completely numb. I'm on my bathroom floor as I cannot stand reaching for the door knob. After about 10 tries and an hour later after trying to reach and missing and hitting my head on the bathroom tile I open the door. At this point all I wanted to do was crawl to my bed and sleep. I thought my leg and arm had just fallen asleep and everything will be ok.
I wake up next mourning and my leg and arm are still numb. Being an addict I crAwl back to the bathroom to finish the two bags I had left, then to the ER as I call 911. I arrive in the ER around 8 am. At this point I still did not think anything of this. At first I denied using drugs because imdid not want my girlfriend to know I was using again as we just got back together and she thought I was clean. After awhile I owned up to it. I go to pee and out comes coca cola colored urine uh oh . I did not know what it meant at the time but my kidneys had failed.
After seeing several doctors around 8 pm the decision was made to preform an emergency fasciotomy . I did not have a pulse in my lower leg, it was completely numb. I as told there was a good chance they would have to amputate the leg if they could not restore blood flow back into my leg. After hearing this news I didn't react or have any emotions. I believe delirium had set in from the muscle breakdown which caused my kidneys to fail.
I'm taken into the OR, given anastasia and off to sleep I went. The second I woke up I looked down to see if my leg was there and sure enough it was there, swollen three times it's size and hooked up to a wund vac but still there. My surgen was able to restore blood flow back into my leg and foot on his last and final attempt and he also went into the veins he could and cleaned out blood clots. So I'm taken to icu and fall asleep for the night. Was in iCU for about five days as my vac is changed everyday and the canister whichs traps fluid from my leg is caught is switched out when it was full. I needed blood transfusions as I developed anemia, had surgery three days post my fasciotomy to start dialysis and having blood drawn every six hrs and nurses checking to see of I have a pulse in my leg which thank god it returned for good.
To sum things up. Two weeks later my kidney function came back. I left the hospital after eight weeks to go a nursing home for physical therapy as my leg is still numb and has two skin grafts and my hand which has radial nerve damage from passing out on it and laying for suchna long period of time on it. I'm able to walk with a platform walker to support my left arm. I have foot drop so stepping can get tricky but for the most part I'm doing well and am being told I will just need a type of plastic to put in my shoe to be able to walk again, without the walker numb foot and all. I'm a little worried about my hand. It's very hypersensitive, my pinky and ring finger have almost full sensations while the other fingers not so much.
But as I type thisbon my nursing home bed I stay hopeful and thank god for being hopeful and my parents who are sticking by me and my amazing sober never touched a drug in her life girlfriend hopefully one day my fiancé who gives up so much of her free time to spend it with me. I would not of progressed as much as I have without her
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,380
Welcome
Thanks for sharing your story NatnNick - sounds like you were very lucky.
I hope all your functions will come back and wish you the best
Good to have you with us - hope to see you around some more
D
Thanks for sharing your story NatnNick - sounds like you were very lucky.
I hope all your functions will come back and wish you the best
Good to have you with us - hope to see you around some more
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Great Outdoors
Posts: 1,992
Wow Nat..just when I think I have heard the worst story ever that scared me straight ..your story comes along. You have been thru the ringer Mister..so this is it..you are done screwing around with drugs now? I am so sorry you went thru this..I am horrified reading it. You must have been so scared. I am glad you found us..I hope each day you are better and better. Thank God for your folks and girlfriend. You are loved huh...Welcome Nat..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 14
The day in the er I was completely numb and delirious to what was going on around me. I hope to god my drug days are over. I hate heroin for all it's worth and I'm praying I never touch it again. I fear not being able to walk again or use my left hand or drive or be able to work and get married. Drugs have knocked me down hard but i will get up and find a way
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Sydney NSW
Posts: 32
Welcome NatnNick8689
I have a similar -but not as hardcore- story as yours that I haven't gone into here much, as alcohol became the predominant thing for me after pot/IV stuff in my late teens.
Anyway, you are not alone, and this is a good place to share your story, and receive support and advice through your recovery.
Keep on coming back. Not everyone here will 'get' where you are at, which personally put me off a little at first, but regardless I realised that coming here is important, especially once you've fully recovered and may think "Hmm, I think I'm ready to moderate my use of [insert_vice_here] now". That's when this place really shines.
I wish you strength and diligence on your road to recovery.
I have a similar -but not as hardcore- story as yours that I haven't gone into here much, as alcohol became the predominant thing for me after pot/IV stuff in my late teens.
Anyway, you are not alone, and this is a good place to share your story, and receive support and advice through your recovery.
Keep on coming back. Not everyone here will 'get' where you are at, which personally put me off a little at first, but regardless I realised that coming here is important, especially once you've fully recovered and may think "Hmm, I think I'm ready to moderate my use of [insert_vice_here] now". That's when this place really shines.
I wish you strength and diligence on your road to recovery.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 14
Thank you guys. Larry your absolutely right when you say not everyone will get it, you can only imagine. Going into an OR with a huge chance of coming out without a limb is one of the worst fears, anxieties..ect that a human being can experience.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 144
Wow -- thanks for telling your story! I haven't shared this here before, figuring sometime I'll be ready to write a separate post about it, but my daughter (23) is a heroin addict. She is finally doing well in a residential recovery program, Thank GOD!!
I have seen what heroin does to people and as you know, there are no casual heroin users, or addicts who live into their older years. That drug destroys lives, no doubt about it. (It is epidemic among young people where I live.)
It's a blessing that you had this wake-up call and a new chance at life. I hope your family and girlfriend find Nar-Anon. It's helped me a lot.
One question if you don't mind -- what does it mean that the bags were green and what's a stamp?
Anyway -- hang in there and please keep coming back!!
I have seen what heroin does to people and as you know, there are no casual heroin users, or addicts who live into their older years. That drug destroys lives, no doubt about it. (It is epidemic among young people where I live.)
It's a blessing that you had this wake-up call and a new chance at life. I hope your family and girlfriend find Nar-Anon. It's helped me a lot.
One question if you don't mind -- what does it mean that the bags were green and what's a stamp?
Anyway -- hang in there and please keep coming back!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Woodbridge Virginia
Posts: 67
Welcone Nat
It sounds like someone is trying to tell you something.You have been through enough! Like FreeDance said "a new chance at life." Embrace it. You never know if that will be given to you again. Thank God for all the support you have. You can do this! You are in my thoughts and prayers. Please keep posting. There is a ton of support and encouragment here. God Bless
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome to the forum and thanks for the post - Your story really shows how suddenly things can go bad. Wow. I hope things continue to improve for you every day.You could be very bitter and depressed (and I'm sure your are some days), but you expressed gratitude in your post. That, and the wonderful support you're getting, will make all the difference in your healing.
All the best as you move forward -glad you're here!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 14
Around my area the heroin cones in waxed paper stamps and that day my stuff came in a green stamp which is very strange. Even though I am on 20 mg extended realease oxycontin and 5 mg percacet every 6 hours as needed for my pain (my hand is in constant pain from the nerves trying to come back ). I feel amazing. Getting off the benzos and the herion has completely gave me a new outlook on my life and what's ahead for me. I don't feel depressed or am saying why me why me god about what actually happend but am more scared about what my life will actually be like when I'm back in real world
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 144
Originally Posted by NatnNick8689 
Around my area the heroin cones in waxed paper stamps and that day my stuff came in a green stamp which is very strange. Even though I am on 20 mg extended realease oxycontin and 5 mg percacet every 6 hours as needed for my pain (my hand is in constant pain from the nerves trying to come back ). I feel amazing. Getting off the benzos and the herion has completely gave me a new outlook on my life and what's ahead for me. I don't feel depressed or am saying why me why me god about what actually happend but am more scared about what my life will actually be like when I'm back in real world
You mentioned the new outlook from being off benzos and heroin, and a period of time with a clear mind will put things in focus (and also make the drugs seem tempting again, so be careful of course! It is a VERY relapse-prone disease). Hopefully the professionals where you are now will help you move on, step by step, to other places with plenty of support and structure for you.
One big difference between drugs and alcohol is that drugs are illegal. Addiction is a disease, yet we don't throw people in jail for having heart disease. In my daughter's case, the trouble with the law has left her in debt to the courts, taken away her driver's license until she can buy it back basically, and put a felony on her record that makes it much harder to get a job. She is also forbidden forever from working in certain fields.
I don't know if you're in that same kind of situation.
Anyway, every day I thank God she is alive. There were years when I was scared to death she wouldn't survive. There are so many different ways it could have killed her, as I'm sure you understand.
Take care and please keep posting, okay? You aren't alone, and hopefully that makes the idea of the real world a little less scary. :ghug3
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 14
I have a criminal record, no felonies..just some really immature things that I hope would get over looked as I age more but I did just get arrested for dwi before this happened to me, I plead not guilty a couple of days before this happend and obviously have not been able to go back to court.
I hope to leave my foolish actions in the past and mature into the actual person I would like to be.
I hope to leave my foolish actions in the past and mature into the actual person I would like to be.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 140
What a miracle--obviously, the world needs you and has something better in store for you It shows what can happen to any of us at any time if we keep using. I'm glad you're healing and have lots of support.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 14
Forgot to mention in my story but what had happened to my leg was acute compartment syndrome. I still to this day don't know how it was possible for my left arm, hand and right leg to have been crushed by my body weight (I was 170 at the time ). I can't think of any position ( as well as the doctors ) or way of passing out and staying passed out for 12 hours could have caused such injuries. Thank god I'm right handed!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
Welcome NatnNick...glad you're here and glad you're alive to inspire us with your story of survival. People don't realize the intensity of near death. After I almost died of pnemonia I vowed never to say 'I wish I was dead' or any death related comment. Life is so precious and means so much more to me now that I'm sober. It is truly a new lease on life for most of us.
Us Jersey folks are tough (I hail from north Jersey)...I have faith in you to pull through and get ALL better. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers and wishing you peace and strength.
Us Jersey folks are tough (I hail from north Jersey)...I have faith in you to pull through and get ALL better. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers and wishing you peace and strength.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 14
You know, I'm pretty new to the recovery way of life, since my three attempts at inpatient rehab failed horribly with me leaving "AMA". One of those times this past January as I was down in Florida in Delrey Beach at Transformations.
Awesome place to go with a very caring and patient staff. I cried, threw things in my room, was depressed, was happy having to take zero pills in the AM, missed my family and friends, cursed at the staff, hugged staff members and other patients..ect All this became too much to handle and deal with. I still felt alone even with the awesome support that was given too me.
After two weeks I was on a flight back to Jersey. In my mind I was coming back because I couldn't stand not being able to watch the Jets Steelers AFC championship game, and because I missed my GF terribly. She told me " complete the program (it was only going to be 30 days) or were done, don't come find me). Sure enough I texted her when I got back and recieved nothing.. Only leave me alone and please stop texting me.
I thought she just was upset that I came back early, but it was so much more. Over a year of me lying to her about drugs, about who I was with, so many days we shared that I couldnt remember because of benzos. She even took me to Baltimore to see the Mets play at Camden yards for my 21st birthday and that's all I could tell you about that. Me cooking her dinner one night after she came home from work and me getting up to sprint to the kitchen to throw up my brains.
All these things, and she stuck with me, hoping that I would turn myself but when I came back, she was done. Even while we would talk on the phone every night while I was gone and she would cry because she misses me.
Not to mention the next day I overdosed on herion and klonopin, turned blue and almost died. I spent the whole day and night in the hospital. She heard what happened from my family. She didn't come see me. I remember being so mad at her and being so bitter for her not showing up.
Finally, the next month we got back together, as I lied and played I'm doing so much better, look at me card. But I was worse then ever. Then before she had a chance to catch me in my lies, this happened to me. She was in the ER with me the whole time, held my hand, basically kept me from having a nervous breakdown at what was going on. She stayedvwith my family till 2 AM in the OR waiting room worried sick out her mind but, being the strong girl she is, kept my family calm (well,she tried her best). She's been by my side after work, driving out of her way to spend almost every night with me in the hospital. This time I have to do it. I met my soul mate, she's everything to me and I want to be there for her. Like she is with me. I want a family and kids. I don't want the drugs and lifestyle that they caused me to live. I feel truly happy for the first time since forever even with my current situation.
Awesome place to go with a very caring and patient staff. I cried, threw things in my room, was depressed, was happy having to take zero pills in the AM, missed my family and friends, cursed at the staff, hugged staff members and other patients..ect All this became too much to handle and deal with. I still felt alone even with the awesome support that was given too me.
After two weeks I was on a flight back to Jersey. In my mind I was coming back because I couldn't stand not being able to watch the Jets Steelers AFC championship game, and because I missed my GF terribly. She told me " complete the program (it was only going to be 30 days) or were done, don't come find me). Sure enough I texted her when I got back and recieved nothing.. Only leave me alone and please stop texting me.
I thought she just was upset that I came back early, but it was so much more. Over a year of me lying to her about drugs, about who I was with, so many days we shared that I couldnt remember because of benzos. She even took me to Baltimore to see the Mets play at Camden yards for my 21st birthday and that's all I could tell you about that. Me cooking her dinner one night after she came home from work and me getting up to sprint to the kitchen to throw up my brains.
All these things, and she stuck with me, hoping that I would turn myself but when I came back, she was done. Even while we would talk on the phone every night while I was gone and she would cry because she misses me.
Not to mention the next day I overdosed on herion and klonopin, turned blue and almost died. I spent the whole day and night in the hospital. She heard what happened from my family. She didn't come see me. I remember being so mad at her and being so bitter for her not showing up.
Finally, the next month we got back together, as I lied and played I'm doing so much better, look at me card. But I was worse then ever. Then before she had a chance to catch me in my lies, this happened to me. She was in the ER with me the whole time, held my hand, basically kept me from having a nervous breakdown at what was going on. She stayedvwith my family till 2 AM in the OR waiting room worried sick out her mind but, being the strong girl she is, kept my family calm (well,she tried her best). She's been by my side after work, driving out of her way to spend almost every night with me in the hospital. This time I have to do it. I met my soul mate, she's everything to me and I want to be there for her. Like she is with me. I want a family and kids. I don't want the drugs and lifestyle that they caused me to live. I feel truly happy for the first time since forever even with my current situation.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 10
Originally Posted by NatnNick8689
You know, I'm pretty new to the recovery way of life, since my three attempts at inpatient rehab failed horribly with me leaving "AMA". One of those times this past January as I was down in Florida in Delrey Beach at Transformations.
Awesome place to go with a very caring and patient staff. I cried, threw things in my room, was depressed, was happy having to take zero pills in the AM, missed my family and friends, cursed at the staff, hugged staff members and other patients..ect All this became too much to handle and deal with. I still felt alone even with the awesome support that was given too me.
I thought she just was upset that I came back early, but it was so much more. Over a year of me lying to her about drugs, about who I was with, so many days we shared that I couldnt remember because of benzos. She even took me to Baltimore to see the Mets play at Camden yards for my 21st birthday and that's all I could tell you about that. Me cooking her dinner one night after she came home from work and me getting up to sprint to the kitchen to throw up my brains.
Not to mention the next day I overdosed on herion and klonopin, turned blue and almost died. I spent the whole day and night in the hospital. She heard what happened from my family. She didn't come see me. I remember being so mad at her and being so bitter for her not showing up.
Finally, the next month we got back together, as I lied and played I'm doing so much better, look at me card. But I was worse then ever.
Awesome place to go with a very caring and patient staff. I cried, threw things in my room, was depressed, was happy having to take zero pills in the AM, missed my family and friends, cursed at the staff, hugged staff members and other patients..ect All this became too much to handle and deal with. I still felt alone even with the awesome support that was given too me.
I thought she just was upset that I came back early, but it was so much more. Over a year of me lying to her about drugs, about who I was with, so many days we shared that I couldnt remember because of benzos. She even took me to Baltimore to see the Mets play at Camden yards for my 21st birthday and that's all I could tell you about that. Me cooking her dinner one night after she came home from work and me getting up to sprint to the kitchen to throw up my brains.
Not to mention the next day I overdosed on herion and klonopin, turned blue and almost died. I spent the whole day and night in the hospital. She heard what happened from my family. She didn't come see me. I remember being so mad at her and being so bitter for her not showing up.
Finally, the next month we got back together, as I lied and played I'm doing so much better, look at me card. But I was worse then ever.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
