once_proud,_now_grateful_-_mercurial
i've done my almost
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
once_proud,_now_grateful_-_mercurial
I remember a few years ago, way before I even thought I had a problem, when I was living in bars and doing mounds of coke, prior to the blackouts and consequences, a silly email thread was going around the office.
It read something like....
"send this email to 10 friends and ask them to describe you in one word"
So I played along and one of the words that a friend described me as was...
mercurial
I had no idea what that meant, so I had to look it up.
mer·cu·ri·al
–adjective
1. changeable; volatile; fickle; flighty; erratic: a mercurial nature.
2. animated; lively; sprightly; quick-witted.
Even though it wasn't meant as a compliment, I loved it! I thought it described me well and I even liked the fact that I was known as unpredictable and that people may even be scared of me at times, especially the ones that worked directly under me. (what a distorted ego trip)
Now that I'm no longer an active alcoholic and just having made amends to the person that described me as such, it brought up this very memory.
It's amazing to me now, that back then, how unpredictable I was, even to myself. How did anyone have a relationship with me (esp ex-gfriends) when they didn't know what was gonna happen next? I guess I now know why my amends list is so long
.
I'm grateful I'm not like that anymore.
I was curious if anyone else has had an experience like this one? Do you remember being proud of something you're now grateful isn't you anymore?
Kjell~
It read something like....
"send this email to 10 friends and ask them to describe you in one word"
So I played along and one of the words that a friend described me as was...
mercurial
I had no idea what that meant, so I had to look it up.
mer·cu·ri·al
–adjective
1. changeable; volatile; fickle; flighty; erratic: a mercurial nature.
2. animated; lively; sprightly; quick-witted.
Even though it wasn't meant as a compliment, I loved it! I thought it described me well and I even liked the fact that I was known as unpredictable and that people may even be scared of me at times, especially the ones that worked directly under me. (what a distorted ego trip)
Now that I'm no longer an active alcoholic and just having made amends to the person that described me as such, it brought up this very memory.
It's amazing to me now, that back then, how unpredictable I was, even to myself. How did anyone have a relationship with me (esp ex-gfriends) when they didn't know what was gonna happen next? I guess I now know why my amends list is so long
.I'm grateful I'm not like that anymore.
I was curious if anyone else has had an experience like this one? Do you remember being proud of something you're now grateful isn't you anymore?
Kjell~
Encourager In Training
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: KS
Posts: 717
Following a terrible breakup nearly 20 yrs ago, I intentionally developed a loner state of mind and began to take pride in the idea I didn't need anyone or anything to be happy.
In retrospect, I now understand this loner mentality played a huge role in my decent into the alcoholic abyss.
In retrospect, I now understand this loner mentality played a huge role in my decent into the alcoholic abyss.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Portland
Posts: 1,631
There is a lot of pride wrapped up in dealing with alcoholism--but it was really bad with my father. The last time I saw him, just before he literally drank himself to death, he was so mad. We had made another alcohol sweep on him and were trying to keep him from drinking.
Obviously a losing battle, but I would say pride was as large a factor as the alcoholism.
Obviously a losing battle, but I would say pride was as large a factor as the alcoholism.
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