Longstory

It is scary to think the pain of withdrawal symtom has been my excuse for so long. I am on day 2 and a half right now (with the help of suboxone) and I actually feel good. I wonder though, what life will be like without using, for I have been doing it for so long. I remember myself as a happy person before this all started, but you wonder if you will ever be that person again with the doom of addition always hanging over you. I stocked up on 6 suboxones to get me through the worst of it. I know it is hard to get off them too, so a gradual ween down is what I will have to do. I'm fortunate enough to have the support of my boyfriend, who is in the same situation as me. We have always been bad for each other in recovery in the past...givig each other that screaming stare to see who will cave first, when we both know that we want the other to do it so we can make the call. Fortunately, we don't seem to be wanting to give each other that look this time and our most accessible connect has recently been busted and are taking the high road for themselves too. They called me today to invite me to a NA meeting. It was impowering to get a call from my dealer asking me to go to meetings with them. I said I will, but I needed a little time to roll up in a ball and experience the withdrawals on my own. Fortunately, I can sit in the comfort of my home and type. Hopefully tomorrow will be another good day and I can go with them. If not...soon. When you have been in this cycle for so long, everyone you know is an addict. It is great to know that I have my friends who (I must applaud) are going on 2 and a half weeks sober after 3 nights in jail, and my boyfriend who hasn't even thought about giving me that look. It's too much for us. We have too much to loose and I am hoping that we see a bright future. But it's scary, for sure.

Dee74

Hi longstory

I don;t know what your drug of choice was so I'll stay general.

I know Dr's are expensive but I do recommend you see one - when people go to a Dr and are prescribed subs, it's usually not a short term thing.

I also recommend you go to NA - no matter how you're feeling...it's important to make new networks with sober people - get yourself a sponsor.

I'd stay right away from your dealer too - he may be genuine in his change of life but I'd watch from afar for a while just to be sure.

We have a substance abuse forum you may also want to check out
Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Welcome aboard
D

Longstory

Long time opiate addict, turned heroin after they changed the oc to op. An in home detox is what I am seeking. If I find I'm struggling after I get through the 6 suboxones I have on hand, I will probably op to go to a doctor to get them prescribed. Once I get there, I will have saved enough money from not using that seeing a doctor can be possible. The dealer is a friend, and is going to be one of my biggest support systems through all this, suprisingly enough. He has a lot more to loose than me at this point, and for us to be able to lean on each other, while going through the same thing and facing the same struggles, we can support each other. I know they say to separate yourself from the ones that make you think of using and there are going to be plenty of people that I will need to separate myself from, however I know the people I can rely on for support and if my OLD dealer is what is going to make that happen, I think that hanging with people who can relate but not promote your use isnthe best way to go. My question though, if I wait to see a doctor until after I am done with the few suboxone I have, and I have subonxone in my system, but no other opiates at that time, will they think that I am lying or trying to get them to sell them or something? I'm not going to start using just so I can go to a doctor who can pee test me to confirm that I am on opiates. I'm an addict, and if I am going to do this, I'm going to do it. I'm fortunate enough not to have hit rock bottom yet, but I see it in my future if I continue.