FreeDance

I'm going on a trip this weekend to visit friends. We have shared wine with food and conversation in the past, so I'm sure it will be offered to me over three different evenings.

Maybe I'm stupid for worrying about this, but I want to decide exactly what to say, so I'm not tempted to say, "Oh okay sure..." I can just say "none for me, thanks" the first night, but the second and third might invite questions about why.

And without an explanation, I feel they will assume I've been having a problem with it -- that I'm alcoholic -- and I'm just not ready to go there yet.

Any suggestions?

defyinggravity

I always said I was on antibiotics and that mixing them with alcohol made me feel sick

Bikeguy

I say "No Thanks" and let it be done at that, I don't feel the need to explain my choice of beverage to anyone anymore.

Carrie36

Some suggestions you can use:

"Im on a new medication and cant drink with it"
"I have heartburn..no drinks for me thanks"
"im trying to lose some weight/get healthier so laying off the drinks"

Those are just off the top of my head. I know some may not agree with using excuses and that honesty is the best policy (and usually it is)....BUT I think the main priority is NOT DRINKING so whatever you have to do or say to accomplish that then go for it!

Hope this helps!

Bst of luck on your trip, we are rooting for you and your sobriety!!

Reset

I've used:

"no thanks"
"I'll have a coke, thanks"
"just trying not to drink for a while"
"I stopped for a while to see what would happen"
"I haven't felt like drinking lately"
"I don't like the effect alcohol has been having on me"
"If I started drinking, you'd be out of alcohol by morning"

But I always make sure to tell whoever's drinking to go right ahead and not mind me.

FreeDance

Thanks for the suggestions and encouragement.

As I said, I'm probably stupid for worrying about it, but nevertheless I do want to offer some explanation at this time, in this particular circumstance. It would help me in this case.

bellakeller

"No." is a complete sentence.

Carrie36

I think it is important to have a plan whenever you go into any situation where alcohol could be present.

* What will I say if asked why im not having drinks too?

*Telling someone that you love/trust before you go that you absolutely do not want to drink on this trip.

*What can you do if you begin to have the urge to drink ..can you remove yourself from the situation? Call someone? Go to the bathroom and count to 50 and take deep breaths?

If you know what you are going to do before the situation you will have a much better chance of success.

Make a plan

FreeDance

Okay, let me just say again that I am probably stupid for worrying about it and maybe I SHOULD feel okay just saying "No thanks" or "No."

But I'm not there right now, in this particular circumstance. So I appreciate the suggestions.

BHF

From my personal experience, I would just tell them that you're not drinking. Let them make what determinations they will. I assume they are longterm friends so they either have an inkling already, or they will know soon enough. One thing I had to learn in sobriety was that if I was going to let people into my life, they would know about it. I got tired of lying and hiding while drunk, wasn't going back there again.

Also, I found that once I told people that I was no longer drinking, it put the responsibility flat on me for sticking to that. I needed that. This is in regards to friends/family only, I feel no need to make explanations to anyone else.

FreeDance

Thanks, Carrie -- that's what I'm trying to do.

The kitty in your avatar is hilarious, by the way!!!

Missy7

I really respect your concern though. I'm guessing that the hardest moment to tell anyone "I'm an alcoholic" is during the early vulnerable period. I ran into a friend of mine the other day. She and I used to drink a pitcher of beer or two after work once a week or so. But we haven't done that lately. I asked her out to dinner to a new restaurant (along with her partner and my husband). I told her this restaurant had a really special cocktail. She said, "Oh, I don't drink." Now I knew that sort of. But I was a little stunned. First, I'm raw. I knew I couldn't have the cocktail. So I thought, why not say, "I'm not drinking any more"? That would have done it. Because in a way, as a former drinking partner, I know she does (in a lifelong sense) drink. I told her I had quit too, and I'm sure a conversation will be had soon.

I also thought about telling my boss. Won't belabor why. I realized that it would be easier as if it was a long-term fact and he wouldn't know the difference.

So I think that first few times with barmates, this is hard. I am going to (drumroll please) avoid the karaoke bar this week, but when I do return I may use the medication thing.

I know there is an honor in not making excuses, but it an abstract honor. The honor is in not having the drink. As so many of you have said, your barmates are drunk and don't care whether you're drinking. Keep a drink inyour hand and no one will be the wiser. Go to the bar and order for yourself. Just get something that doesn't come in the big plastic cups. I find tomato juice a good option. TJ and Vodka was a common choice for me.

Phwew. Go FreeDance. The times I have succeeded it was because I had a narrative ready to spit out.

Anna

'No' or No, thanks' is all I ever say.

It's nobody's business what I choose to drink or eat.

Anyone who won't take that for an answer is just plain rude.

Missy7

See, for me, I'm not worried about anybody pushing it on me. If I give in, it's my problem.

I don't want to have a pall over my head. If and when I return to karaoke, I'm gonna dance just as much as I ever have (but better) and I'm gonna tell all the jokes (cause I can remember the punchline). I don't want to separate myself.

Also among friends, I don't want anyone feeling they have to treat me differently or not invite me to things, or have something special as we do our vegan friends.

I'm never afraid that they'll "make me" drink because I know that that ball is in my court. I do not want to become someone else.

WAIT--nothing changes if nothing changes. I get it. You know what's gonna change? I'm gonna be sober and get some sleep. I will go out to have fun but to only one bar on any given night. I will be the driver...

frances2011

Great question, great suggestions. Thanks all!

Still a newbie (2.5 months) so timely for me.

I started running so "Can't drink. I'm in training" works for me.

I think like lots of things that it gets easier with successful practice.

Another tip I use is to rehearse OUT LOUD in a mirror 50 times. I used this to learn how to confidently state my freelance writing rate when asked.

1undone

I'm glad this was brought up because it concerns me too. I like the new medication response because actually it is true for me. Wheeewwww! I love this place!

Taking5

IMHO, it is a common misconception of the alcoholic that the other people in the room really give a crap if you are drinking or not, or why you are not drinking if you choose to not drink. Now other alcoholics can make a big deal out of this, but the average person could care less. Just my opinion.

Reset

I've only been asked in detail about why I'm not drinking once. And it was by my father in-law, who is very nice, but who is someone with whom I used to drink a lot.

Two months ago he offered me wine and I just said, "no thanks, not drinking tonight."

This weekend the conversation went like this:

"Do you want some champagne? Or maybe a beer or some wine?"
"No thanks, but I would take a Diet Coke."
"I noticed you weren't drinking last time either. Is this something new?"
"Sort of."
"Well how long has it been?"
"About 4 months."
"Is there a specific reason? Are you trying to lose weight or something?"
"No, I just decided to stop for a while to see what it's like."
(laughs) "Oh, you wanted to see what life is like on the other side huh?"
"Yeah, something like that."
"Do you have a goal?"
"Not really, we'll just see how it goes."
then my mother in-law chimes in, "well that's very smart. I'm proud of you."

The thing is, if you fess up that you're an alcoholic in that kind of situation, it'll just be a downer for everyone and they might start getting self-conscious about their own consumption.

Sasha4

Off the top of my head ;

'I'm breastfeeding'

Might shock them into silence

xx

FreeDance

It definitely would do that, in this case!! HA!!