JessicaNAJ

just curious....has anyone's AH ever bought your teenage son or daughter alcohol and if so, how did you handle it?

Cyranoak

Think of your AH as the professor at drinking school. He's teaching your kids everything they need to know about drinking (and denial, and addiction, and manipulation, and obfuscation, and reversals, etc., etc., etc.). That he would provide it to your kids signals danger and can potentially lead to addiction problems for them as well. Not certainly, but potentially. He has opened the door if you will.

To learn more about what you are teaching your children try a few Alanon meetings if you haven't already. They are what opened my eyes.

Let me ask you this-- if my wife bought alcohol for my daughter and I asked you what to do, what would you tell me? Consider what the results of doing that would be, then based on that consideration make a decision.

The reason you are getting few responses is because the consequences of giving bad advice here can be considerable and we don't have background on your AH to give us context. Some are dangerous and unpredictable, others are relatively benign, and most are in between.

Good luck,

Cyranoak

SoloMio

I personally would NEVER buy my teenage son or daughter alcohol. The thought of it fills me with terror. But that's just me.

LaPinturaBella

Not only does it show a major lapse in judgement and is, IMO, immoral...the bottom line is: IT'S ILLEGAL!

MsCooterBrown

This has been a thorn in my butt for a long time. When my daughters were in high school it seems there were always "cool" parents that would host a party complete with furnishing alcohol to minors. You see..to them..it was ok because they would collect the keys and not let anyone leave until morning. I NEVER have understood the thinking of these idiots. It is illegal..they are underage and who knows what could happen! My daughters have since moved out (they are now 30 & 31 yrs old) and the 2 families I will NEVER bond with that did this are ALL alcoholic. AND WTF...the only thing worse than providing underage kids with alcohol is let them get drunk and have a huge co-ed sleepover...IDIOTS ...pure idiots to the bone. I got in more fights with these people over this..they seem to think that children will drink anyway..may as well do it with your supervision. IT IS ILLEGAL!

JessicaNAJ

sorry, forgot to put the "ex" in front of AH. Old habit since i haven't posted here in a long time. Don't get this twisted, i'm asking as a concerned parent of a teenage child who is just entering the experimental phase. I'm well aware that its pointless to waste my breathe on my child's father. Some background....we're divorced because it was the healthiest decision for me, our children, and him. My ONLY concern is for my kids. I have done what i could to teach my son that the consequences of any decision if makes are his own. For the most part, i trust him. However i know he's going to do what he wants when he wants when i'm not around because i remember what its like to be his age. What pisses of off beyond what i can say on here is that his father, who is a grown adult, would rather be his friend than his parent and gets the alcohol for him. So, since it's pointless to talk to his father, my ex, i need to address this with my son without putting down his dad in the process. I'm sending this from my phone so i hope this makes sense. I really don't want to go deeper into my background because it's all in the past and honestly exhausting to even attempt to rehash.

JessicaNAJ

it the state of Ohio it's actually not illegal for a parent to provide low level alcohol to their child. I already looked up the statute. And i agree with you, it is morally wrong and it's not cool! And yes....idiot was also the first thing that went through my mind too, only there were a few other words added to it lol

JessicaNAJ

so...how did you handle this with your kids? I'm completely terrified that my son's life will go down the same path as his father's and i know i have on control over what happens...but my heart is breaking at 1) him growing up and 2) the fear of the unknown. I try my hardest to not put down their dad or say anything negative that is outside me the obvious because i want them to develope their own opinion and because my son is so quick to jump to his defense that if i behaved like that it would just be totally unhealthy for him. So, i don't know what to do'

BarelyHere

Jessica....

My husband was taught at 13 to make drinks for his father & himself when his father came home after being on business trips. They would sit together & watch sports & drink together. That was their social bonding.
I had always told my ah that I totally thought this was wrong.
When our sons reached this age, he tried to start the same thing. I put my foot down & absolutely forbade it. If he had not given in, I would have had to leave with my children.
I would never let this cycle continue with my children.

tryingtoparent

MS cooterbrown, Wish you lived in my neighborhood..I had the same problem...too many parents who can't be. We now have laws that if you buy for a minor and they get in an accident you are in huge trouble. I think a woman last summer was sentenced to 5 years in jail. Another one has a trial coming up. My ex was this way...didn't actually buy for them...just left it where they could get it and then claimed he didn't do anything. My daughter now has a major drinking problem because he taught her how to drink.

LaTeeDa

Jessica,

I hope you know that telling your kids the truth is not the same as bashing him. The truth is it is illegal. The truth is that young people drinking almost never turns out good. The truth is that alcoholism and addiction has a genetic component. The truth is that alcohol impairs your judgement and sometimes leads to dangerous behavior. None of this is bashing him.

He's not a good father if he does this. Okay, that may be bashing him, but if you know this, maybe them spending time with him is not such a good idea. I'm sure the court would agree.

L

JessicaNAJ

haha La that is perfect! I have talked to my son ALOT about the effects of alcohol, but you just helped me find words i haven't said to my son yet. Thank you! No, he is not a good father IMO. Oh and my son says alcoholism is an evolving gene. I couldn't even comment on that because i had no clue where he got that info or even if it's true! OR exactly what that means lol

tryingtoparent

My theory with my kids was to keep them from using alcohol as long as possible...got thru high school which was tough in my city.....they are now in college and it just isn't that big of a deal to them anymore. One more year to be legal but so far so good. We talk about responsible drinking now. (or the option of none at all)

I used to make such a big deal out of cigarette smoking and how gross it was they'd tell people that when they were little....embarrassing a few times. No one ever smoked, I really should have made drinking gross too.