Barely functioning
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 27
Barely functioning
I have been realizing more and more that I am very much an addict and probably have been for about 6 years. I am 20 now and have been drinking for 5 days straight and I can't stop, this is typical for me I constantly go on these benders. When I drink I also tend to do drugs which I have been more and more lately, I don't want to say what but lets just say I'm down for pretty much anything once I have enough drinks in me. I am financially screwed and have very few options, I couldn't afford a rehab for the life of me and actually wouldn't even have transportation at the moment. What do I do I can't control myself anymore, I feel like I'm going to die. Drugs and alcohol have screwed me beyond measure, ******* with my mind and body in ways I can barely comprehend.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: somewhere, tx
Posts: 128
Welcome-You're Not Alone!!
Hi there- I'm pretty sure the majority of good people in the SR forums have walked in your shoes, myself included. Joining this board was a super beginning for you! I won't lie and tell you that staying clean & sober is easy; I joined here last month and spent lots of time reading through the zillions of terrific threads and I guarantee you that if you do the same, you will see yourself over and over.
Please keep posting and let us know how you're doing.
You're in my prayers!
Please keep posting and let us know how you're doing.
You're in my prayers!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
Please call someone to take you to the local emergency room, or call 911....get to a hospital and tell them the truth...they can get you safely down before you do any more harm to your body, along with counseling and professional HELP.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 27
Yeah hopefully joining here will help me a bit, I don't really know anyone else in my shoes at the moment as I am living far away from my home town and have a lot of trouble meeting new people now being so screwed up all the time. I guess I should just come down today and try to sweat this out.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: somewhere, tx
Posts: 128
Hi Again-
Aside from alcohol, what drug or drugs are you using? I ask because most of them are absoluety dangerous to go off of suddenly and I agree that you may need to get to an ER. I'm not trying to scare you, please don't think that. I was in the boat as you, no medical insurance, I'm still in financial dire straits and I live very far from my home and have no friends here.
What I did to come off of opiates and xanax was the slowest possible taper; I started the gradual weaning back in Feb and it has worked for me, so far. I say "so far" because I am not God and can't predict what will happen in a week, a month, or a year, but I know that TODAY I haven't taken anything and I don't want to.
I hope with all my heart that you can sweat it out on your own without the drama of calling 911 but please keep in mind that it's an option for you.
Godspeed!
Aside from alcohol, what drug or drugs are you using? I ask because most of them are absoluety dangerous to go off of suddenly and I agree that you may need to get to an ER. I'm not trying to scare you, please don't think that. I was in the boat as you, no medical insurance, I'm still in financial dire straits and I live very far from my home and have no friends here.
What I did to come off of opiates and xanax was the slowest possible taper; I started the gradual weaning back in Feb and it has worked for me, so far. I say "so far" because I am not God and can't predict what will happen in a week, a month, or a year, but I know that TODAY I haven't taken anything and I don't want to.
I hope with all my heart that you can sweat it out on your own without the drama of calling 911 but please keep in mind that it's an option for you.
Godspeed!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,460
You can always go to a hospital ER for help or call an ambulance.
Also, the Salvation Army which operates in many, many towns, offers free rehab for anyone who wants it. So you might want to check that out.
Also, the Salvation Army which operates in many, many towns, offers free rehab for anyone who wants it. So you might want to check that out.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome - glad you're here! You really can have a better life without alcohol/drugs. Just take it one day at a time (and do call for help if you need it - I guarantee hospitals see lots of folks like us).
Also, check out the section on substance abuse - you'll find lots of support there too:Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Congratulations on day 1 - hang in there!
Also, check out the section on substance abuse - you'll find lots of support there too:Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Congratulations on day 1 - hang in there!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Northern Utah
Posts: 920
Notsure...I know it seems hopeless from where you are, but it's not. Keep your eyes on the very simple things, one day at a time. Check your phonebook for the local NA or AA groups. If you call there is often someone (many someones) willing to give you a ride to detox and to meetings, where you will find lots of people with experiences very similar to yours.
If you are having trouble with the withdrawal (and it can be quite dangerous) go to the ER. And keep posting. My prayers go out to you.
If you are having trouble with the withdrawal (and it can be quite dangerous) go to the ER. And keep posting. My prayers go out to you.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 267
I'm coming off alcohol, xanax, and opiates all at once and its brutal. And I was also a "take whatever is around" kind of a guy for many years. So I'm pretty close to being in your same shoes, and I'm only on Day 9 of straight-edge sobriety. Not going to lie, its tough but its sooo worth it. Even now, in the middle of benzo withdrawals and at the tail end of alcohol and opiate withdrawals I feel better than I did when I was using. Mostly because my self-esteem is better having made it this far.
I'm the type of guy though that could never handle a taper like opmloser is doing. If it works for you though it might be the best option. I'm just a rip-off-the-bandaid kind of guy.
If you're in financial dire straits you can always go to NA or just hang out here. No one better to help you through it than others who are in your shoes.
I'd also recommend lots of water, some exercise, simple meditation, and herbal tea.
Stay strong!
I'm the type of guy though that could never handle a taper like opmloser is doing. If it works for you though it might be the best option. I'm just a rip-off-the-bandaid kind of guy.
If you're in financial dire straits you can always go to NA or just hang out here. No one better to help you through it than others who are in your shoes.
I'd also recommend lots of water, some exercise, simple meditation, and herbal tea.
Stay strong!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 27
Already starting to feel much better now that I've completely sobered up. Have no alcohol in the house and I flushed my drugs. I'm not actually physically addicted to drugs or alcohol as much as I have been someone who compulsively goes on these crazy benders here and there, so I haven't been experiencing any withdraws. Psychologically I am certainly dependent on alcohol for social reasons and depression, and when I am drunk I sometimes start to crave drugs which is really bad for me obviously. I used to be pretty heavy into drugs when I was like 14-17 or so and don't want to go through that again.
As my drug use dropped down my alcohol intake went way up, I made friends with an older group mostly in their 20's who were all active alcoholics and as I hung out with them more and more I started to go over the top myself. I started to show some signs myself as I drank more and more until I went through a series of life crises starting last year or so. I ended up pretty strung out and left far away from home, took a job but continued to drink by myself 2-3 times a week. Then I started going out to the bar often on top of that and I'm sure that I've made a huge fool of myself as I have publicly so obviously spiraled down and fast in a new town where I'm not known except for how drunk I always am now. I had to quit my job and in the mean time can't work due to a drinking related injury from a few weeks ago and I was doing OK for awhile. I was only drinking once or twice a week down from 3-5 before my injury.
Last Wednesday however I started this ridiculous bender that I went on and did unspeakable things and just didn't stop until this morning after I came to this site. I think it is quite clear that I can't drink at all anymore because I always lose control of myself, waste all of my money that I don't even have and do things like take drugs when I don't even think about doing drugs when I'm sober. I have to stop before I actually do become physically dependent and get myself in even more trouble. Nobody's impressed when I go out getting ****** up all the time and I'm not even enjoying it myself anymore either. Cheers to sobriety, I think I can actually do it now.
As my drug use dropped down my alcohol intake went way up, I made friends with an older group mostly in their 20's who were all active alcoholics and as I hung out with them more and more I started to go over the top myself. I started to show some signs myself as I drank more and more until I went through a series of life crises starting last year or so. I ended up pretty strung out and left far away from home, took a job but continued to drink by myself 2-3 times a week. Then I started going out to the bar often on top of that and I'm sure that I've made a huge fool of myself as I have publicly so obviously spiraled down and fast in a new town where I'm not known except for how drunk I always am now. I had to quit my job and in the mean time can't work due to a drinking related injury from a few weeks ago and I was doing OK for awhile. I was only drinking once or twice a week down from 3-5 before my injury.
Last Wednesday however I started this ridiculous bender that I went on and did unspeakable things and just didn't stop until this morning after I came to this site. I think it is quite clear that I can't drink at all anymore because I always lose control of myself, waste all of my money that I don't even have and do things like take drugs when I don't even think about doing drugs when I'm sober. I have to stop before I actually do become physically dependent and get myself in even more trouble. Nobody's impressed when I go out getting ****** up all the time and I'm not even enjoying it myself anymore either. Cheers to sobriety, I think I can actually do it now.
ca**swholesale
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Gardner Kansas
Posts: 24
If you really want this program and are ready to turn your will over to your higher power then for me i would call 911 and by law an ambulance will take you to the er and they have to accept you even without insurance. They will treat you and then you go to a state detox center. Good luck.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,355
Welcome notsure...some good advice here on getting medical support when you come out of benders like that. Many of us can attest to the dangers of detox.
A lot of places now have free or low cost clinics - google your town and free clinics.
Have you ever thought of a recovery programme like AA or SMART or something?
D
A lot of places now have free or low cost clinics - google your town and free clinics.
Have you ever thought of a recovery programme like AA or SMART or something?
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 3
yo Notsure (hehe "Not Sure"... has anyone seen the movie Idiocracy?) I think that you will need to be strong to get sober at such a young age.
but it's worth it. I would have killed to get sober at 20. Now it's 7 years later and I've missed out on so much.
The golden years of getting phucked up are behind you, man. Now it's all jails and overdoses and death and pure evil. It just gets sadder and sadder from here on out.
but it's worth it. I would have killed to get sober at 20. Now it's 7 years later and I've missed out on so much.
The golden years of getting phucked up are behind you, man. Now it's all jails and overdoses and death and pure evil. It just gets sadder and sadder from here on out.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 27
Originally Posted by j0shua 
yo Notsure (hehe "Not Sure"... has anyone seen the movie Idiocracy?) I think that you will need to be strong to get sober at such a young age.
but it's worth it. I would have killed to get sober at 20. Now it's 7 years later and I've missed out on so much.
The golden years of getting phucked up are behind you, man. Now it's all jails and overdoses and death and pure evil. It just gets sadder and sadder from here on out.
but it's worth it. I would have killed to get sober at 20. Now it's 7 years later and I've missed out on so much.
The golden years of getting phucked up are behind you, man. Now it's all jails and overdoses and death and pure evil. It just gets sadder and sadder from here on out.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 27
Originally Posted by Dee74
Welcome notsure...some good advice here on getting medical support when you come out of benders like that. Many of us can attest to the dangers of detox.
A lot of places now have free or low cost clinics - google your town and free clinics.
Have you ever thought of a recovery programme like AA or SMART or something?
D
A lot of places now have free or low cost clinics - google your town and free clinics.
Have you ever thought of a recovery programme like AA or SMART or something?
D
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Lexington KY
Posts: 21
Hey--
At twenty, I had your drug history, and although I was sort of in college (took me six and a half years to graduate) I was drinking pretty much like you did. Glad to hear that you've sobered up, but please please please don't get yourself into your previous state again. Withdrawing from a binge like that can kill a person--seizures and such. If you do so, please get some medical treatment.
I can tell you--I'm in my mid-forties--that you don't want to rob yourself of your life. Your brain is still changing. Heavy alcohol use can f*ck that process up pretty badly. There's some science out there that says young alcohol abusers lose the ability to learn from negative consequences of their drinking, and although they can *recall* things that happened as a result of heavy drinking, they just don't learn from those experiences, and repeat them.
Looking back, I should have joined up with the Straight Edge ppl. Knew a few, but thought they were squares, or whatever ppl call them these days. Henry Rollins is a great example.
If you find 12-step groups helpful, someone in one might be able to guide you to a sober living house, where abstinence and accountability are stressed.
Hope you're feeling better. Peace to you,
freerad
At twenty, I had your drug history, and although I was sort of in college (took me six and a half years to graduate) I was drinking pretty much like you did. Glad to hear that you've sobered up, but please please please don't get yourself into your previous state again. Withdrawing from a binge like that can kill a person--seizures and such. If you do so, please get some medical treatment.
I can tell you--I'm in my mid-forties--that you don't want to rob yourself of your life. Your brain is still changing. Heavy alcohol use can f*ck that process up pretty badly. There's some science out there that says young alcohol abusers lose the ability to learn from negative consequences of their drinking, and although they can *recall* things that happened as a result of heavy drinking, they just don't learn from those experiences, and repeat them.
Looking back, I should have joined up with the Straight Edge ppl. Knew a few, but thought they were squares, or whatever ppl call them these days. Henry Rollins is a great example.
If you find 12-step groups helpful, someone in one might be able to guide you to a sober living house, where abstinence and accountability are stressed.
Hope you're feeling better. Peace to you,
freerad
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