Enoy

So I am to get my 30 day chip on Thursday and now I see why they say it's such a hard chip to get.

I am still sober , but I did have a hard time with it this past Saturday for a few hours. Ex girlfriend emotions , kids all gone from home for the weekend , alot of spare time between morning meeting with sponsor and night AA meeting.

I came very close to justifying an evening drink with the idea that "Well no one is around and I'll be home and it won't hurt anyone" . Even to the idea that I could hide it and no one would know.

I was able to remind myself of the 30 day goal coming up , and the people I would be letting down. To ackowledge that even if no one else would know that I would know and the guilt would kill me. That the only way for me to be able to do this is through HONESTY to others as well as myself.

Some reading here on the forums and discussions with family and prayer I was able to make it through Saturday. Yesterday wasn't nearly as bad , but I did have some brief thoughts pass through.

Even after a 2 hour sponsor meeting and discussion of the power of this baffling and cunning disease It still damn near got to me and it was the strongest urge I'd had yet.


Anyway , just wanted to throw that out there for those of you in the 21-30 day range who may have that nagging thought of " just this one time.... "

Arc

Thank you for the post and I am glad that you stayed strong and fought your urges. I am on day 20 and very much look forward to my one month mark. I too have been tempted but fought the urges. I knew there was a time or two I could have gotten away with it and know one would know, but I couldn't bring myself to know in my own head I'd be back to day 1.

I love to write, and when I feel the urge to want to give in, I just start to type up or jot down things of my past and little past stories/memories, reminders of the way things were and who i "was" then, and it helps me get through.

And once again, congrats

Zebra1275

"Well no one is around and I'll be home and it won't hurt anyone"

Those thoughts will probably pop into your head for a long time, maybe years. I have some significant sober time, but when I'm out of town on business, alone in a hotel room, they sometimes pop into my head.

FreeDance

I was just about to post a similar experience, Enoy! My 1-month will be 5/20. And those thoughts creep in -- "Oh I might as well..."

I was at an event yesterday where there was a reception, with wine. While there, I got a message that something happened with a family member which warranted opening champagne, and we have some chilled. So, maybe I'll do some wine here and then have champagne at home -----

But somehow, I resisted, and I think it was about that magic 30-day thing.

On the other hand, at dinner tonight I poured myself a tumbler of tea and didn't even THINK of wine -- I mean, not a thought until halfway through the meal, I realized I hadn't had that thought!

Temptation is a sneaky devil, isn't it? When I think it's gone, it comes up and tries to bite me!

pinkgurl87

I think each chip is hard to get but the 30 days is probably the hardest but like even know when I get towards a chip the cravings to use go up so watch it but it does get easier.

Enoy

It's strange how that works. I can't figure out if it's some part of my alcoholic mind that senses victory and wants to self destruct .... or if it's a sense of accomplishment and wants to reward itself.... Or if it's God's testing of our strength and desire to stay sober.



But I have actually heard from a lady in my home group that just before getting her 18 year chip she had the thoughts.

Enoy

This is also something that scares me for future trips. For business I go down to Miami 1-2 times a year and the room they set us up in is a block from the Ale House which was a common hangout for employees..... $5 pitchers.

I'll have to find a place for meetings down there before I go this year.

Khnum

Thank you for sharing this. Congratulations on 30 days.

Enoy

Thank you but don't congratulate me yet !!! Thursday is 30 days... Today is day 28