Mind-droppings on Day SIX (YAY!)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: New York City - but moving
Posts: 57
Mind-droppings on Day SIX (YAY!)
So THIS is what it's like to be "dry" after six days... hmmm... clear mind, (finally) good night of sleep... okay a few emotional challenges (as in, OMG - I'm feeling emotions and now what do I do?)
My question is: HOW did I manage to successfully hold onto a crazy-ass full-time job, MET DEADLINES (always), run marathons (okay - NOT fast... but still...), and be a pretty nice person? How?
I know there's a name for this sort of thing -- where you can actively successfully get by in life and drink and drink and drink... what is it called? Anyoone have insights into this?
The problem is that BECAUSE YOU ARE successful with "life," you have no reason to question your actions (ie - drinking a bottle of wine every night!) Little wonder I didn't see myself as having a drinking problem... that is, until little chinks in the armou started to show...
A little more weepy than usual... a little less clear-minded... sleepless SLIEEPLESSSSSS nights. Add those three things up and you stop being as capable of being... (not to mention what a wreck my face was appearing to be... ) Congratulations to me! I finally got there!!!! HA!
So here I am six days (almost a week!!! for the first time in years) without a drink... can't believe this! Now I'm into this... now I'm wondering what will this be like after TWO weeks? I'm going to return here to these threads again and again -- and report in...
Any thoughts? Anyone can relate to all this?
My question is: HOW did I manage to successfully hold onto a crazy-ass full-time job, MET DEADLINES (always), run marathons (okay - NOT fast... but still...), and be a pretty nice person? How?
I know there's a name for this sort of thing -- where you can actively successfully get by in life and drink and drink and drink... what is it called? Anyoone have insights into this?
The problem is that BECAUSE YOU ARE successful with "life," you have no reason to question your actions (ie - drinking a bottle of wine every night!) Little wonder I didn't see myself as having a drinking problem... that is, until little chinks in the armou started to show...
A little more weepy than usual... a little less clear-minded... sleepless SLIEEPLESSSSSS nights. Add those three things up and you stop being as capable of being... (not to mention what a wreck my face was appearing to be... ) Congratulations to me! I finally got there!!!! HA!
So here I am six days (almost a week!!! for the first time in years) without a drink... can't believe this! Now I'm into this... now I'm wondering what will this be like after TWO weeks? I'm going to return here to these threads again and again -- and report in...
Any thoughts? Anyone can relate to all this?
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 284
Congrats Brette. I have 7 months. Here's how I did it: Instead of starting drinking my usual 1.5 bottles of chardonnay and smoking my 8 Marlboro lights every night starting at 11 pm per usual, instead I did (and still do) this:
At 10 pm I go to Soberrecovery.com and read all the new posts, never fails to scare the s*** out of me as to what can happen to me if I drink again. Also, I absorb the positive support and hopefully help others.
I drink herbal tea (all I want - 2 or 3 of them - woo hoo!) and eat some cookies (Need to cut down on this, but give me a break, it's better then drinking and smoking.)
Then I take a hot, hot, hot, bath and read. The I get into bed a read some more and then drift off to sleepyland. I used to take melatonin, but ran out and don't need it any more.
Later, rinse, repeat.
My life is 1000% better and I , like you, marveled at how I lived my high-functioning busy life as a mom of two who runs a successful business, all while being hungover 90% of the time. All I can say is, if you think you used to get a lot done, just wait until you're sober a month. Watch out, world
At 10 pm I go to Soberrecovery.com and read all the new posts, never fails to scare the s*** out of me as to what can happen to me if I drink again. Also, I absorb the positive support and hopefully help others.
I drink herbal tea (all I want - 2 or 3 of them - woo hoo!) and eat some cookies (Need to cut down on this, but give me a break, it's better then drinking and smoking.)
Then I take a hot, hot, hot, bath and read. The I get into bed a read some more and then drift off to sleepyland. I used to take melatonin, but ran out and don't need it any more.
Later, rinse, repeat.
My life is 1000% better and I , like you, marveled at how I lived my high-functioning busy life as a mom of two who runs a successful business, all while being hungover 90% of the time. All I can say is, if you think you used to get a lot done, just wait until you're sober a month. Watch out, world
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 267
Brette Im in the same boat.
Also live in NYC, only on Day 8 of sobriety.
And also can't believe how I managed to run marathons, be a husband/father/and hold an influential job where I'm actually the boss of people.
In a way that does make it worse. So much easier to rationalize.
But now I'm realizing that despite the alcohol and drugs killing me that the stress and guilt caused by not being there for the people that count on me-- yeah, that was killing me too.
Hang in there!
Also live in NYC, only on Day 8 of sobriety.
And also can't believe how I managed to run marathons, be a husband/father/and hold an influential job where I'm actually the boss of people.
In a way that does make it worse. So much easier to rationalize.
But now I'm realizing that despite the alcohol and drugs killing me that the stress and guilt caused by not being there for the people that count on me-- yeah, that was killing me too.
Hang in there!
Encourager In Training
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: KS
Posts: 717
Brette - Love your post and congratulations on Day Six! Please, please keep sharing.
I'm going to try to do this without coming off like a wet rag. But, I just want to "second" and build on what BeenDown2Times said by sharing a few self-observations and discoveries that might or might not be helpful as you navigate early sobriety.
During the course of my active addiction I earned a PhDs in rationalization. Two staples of my rationalization toolchest are to define "success" very impersonally and to compare my performance to other's rather than to my ultimate capability.
So, for instance, if my annual job performance review was glowing, my income was a whole number multiple of the national average, and my arms/chest looked good in a t-shirt, then I was "successful".
In sobriety a lot of hard truths have surfaced. The most painful of these are far more personal than professional accomplishments, salary, and bicep size. For example...
*I've discovered that while not wholly devoid of caring my track record as a tender, attentive husband is altogether terrible.
*I've discovered my friendships are even more superficial than my marriage.
*I've discoverd my life features an embarassingly small number of acts of compassion (e.g. volunteer work, paying it forward, etc.).
The most difficult part of my recovery has been to turn focus away from the aspects of my life I used to bolster my self-image during my dark days of drinking. It's been tough because when I look at the other parts of my life...the parts that ultimately matter...the picture ain't so rosy. I'm convinced, however, the longevity and quality of my sobriety depend on my changing these less-desirable areas and finding a meaning and richness to life that the active addict simply cannot attain.
And of course, to look good in a t-shirt while doing it.
I'm going to try to do this without coming off like a wet rag. But, I just want to "second" and build on what BeenDown2Times said by sharing a few self-observations and discoveries that might or might not be helpful as you navigate early sobriety.
During the course of my active addiction I earned a PhDs in rationalization. Two staples of my rationalization toolchest are to define "success" very impersonally and to compare my performance to other's rather than to my ultimate capability.
So, for instance, if my annual job performance review was glowing, my income was a whole number multiple of the national average, and my arms/chest looked good in a t-shirt, then I was "successful".
In sobriety a lot of hard truths have surfaced. The most painful of these are far more personal than professional accomplishments, salary, and bicep size. For example...
*I've discovered that while not wholly devoid of caring my track record as a tender, attentive husband is altogether terrible.
*I've discovered my friendships are even more superficial than my marriage.
*I've discoverd my life features an embarassingly small number of acts of compassion (e.g. volunteer work, paying it forward, etc.).
The most difficult part of my recovery has been to turn focus away from the aspects of my life I used to bolster my self-image during my dark days of drinking. It's been tough because when I look at the other parts of my life...the parts that ultimately matter...the picture ain't so rosy. I'm convinced, however, the longevity and quality of my sobriety depend on my changing these less-desirable areas and finding a meaning and richness to life that the active addict simply cannot attain.
And of course, to look good in a t-shirt while doing it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: New York City - but moving
Posts: 57
Thank you Ranger -- I've now read your post a few times. And I will revisit again. I trust in your words and observations. Thanks for being so specific in your descriptions.
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