FindingPeace1

Hey, all.
Well, I did it.
I had the divorce paperwork notorized.
That took MONTHS, but I screwed up the courage to follow through.

One step at a time.

I send love to you all.

My mom sent me this phenomenal poem. I think you'll enjoy it.

The Journey

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice --
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do --
determined to save
the only life you could save.

~ Mary Oliver ~

(Dream Work)

bookwyrm

Well done. I know how hard it was for you to take the next step. You're doing good!

GettingBy

Beautiful FP.... Thank you for sharing.

Helenlee

That's a fantastic poem FindingPeace1... it truly captures how torturously difficult & frightening it is to walk your own journey.
I always read your threads & have followed your story, but I rarely feel compelled to write anything. It's always been clear to me you're on the path. It's funny, as I re-read the poem I can see how it matches your own journey as you've written here. I think you're up to the bit that says
"But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,"

I'm so happy for you
Helen

tjp613

That is an awesome poem, FP...just awesome. Thank you for sharing it with us. Congratulations on stepping a little deeper into the world. (((Hugs)))

RECF

Beautiful. I am so glad you shared that. It is exactly what I need to hear as I have to file for divorce and find myself oddly lagging behind.

Tuffgirl

Letting go - so hard and yet so freeing. I feel oddly melancholy and exhilarated at the same time...what a weird place to be in.

I did decide to wait the full first year of recovery as promised, but yesterday decided it was time to embrace being separated. I put my wedding rings back in their original box. Set January 4, 2012 on my calendar. I am letting go...

Congrats for the big step, and thank you for sharing the poem. I am saving it for future reference.

FindingPeace1

Thanks, everyone.
When I told a good friend and asked if he was surprised I *finally* stopped avoiding, he said, "No. I always knew you'd do it when you were ready. Avoidance is partly in your nature, and partly a good choice in this situation."

True, both.

My STBXAH is being great. Passive and depressed, but kind.
He offered to file independently and just have me served if that would be easier for me to handle.
I had already gone to the notary at that point, but it was an ironic, but kind offer, given I'm the one that is choosing divorce.
He got a job offer in another state (good for him!) and is moving. He offered to move my stuff (which he still has at his house) to storage and send me the key.
Very kind, but weird to maybe never see him again...

I am going to see if I can get one of those boxes that will get shipped to a storage place in my state.

"just keep swimming, just keep swimming!"
fp

StarCat

Thank you for sharing that poem.
It really does a beautiful job of describing the journey of rediscovering ourselves after a life with an alcoholic.

It also sounds like you are in a good place, emotionally.
I am glad.