it's been a while...
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: California
Posts: 147
it's been a while...
hello again. So--- my college graduation ceremony is in a little bit more than a week and until this point I have been dead set on not inviting my A dad to the ceremony. I've been trying to detach as much as possible from him.
In my rational mind, I don't want him there. His presence gets me annoyed and anxious. I don't want my graduation day to be the day that my "step-mom" meets my mom. too much stress! But on the other hand, I am starting to feel guilty for not inviting him. he is my dad and I feel that I don't have a "good enough" reason to not invite him.
In the end, it comes down to me. It's my day. I should celebrate it with the people I want to celebrate it with. i just can't decide if I want him there. Thoughts?
In my rational mind, I don't want him there. His presence gets me annoyed and anxious. I don't want my graduation day to be the day that my "step-mom" meets my mom. too much stress! But on the other hand, I am starting to feel guilty for not inviting him. he is my dad and I feel that I don't have a "good enough" reason to not invite him.
In the end, it comes down to me. It's my day. I should celebrate it with the people I want to celebrate it with. i just can't decide if I want him there. Thoughts?
Today is a New Day
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,766
You do not have to invite him if you do not want him there. That's 100% okay.
I do not have a good relationship with my parents. At all. I will not go into detail, but suffice to say that even though neither of them drinks (or has any other addiction for that matter), my mother was emotionally and verbally abusive and my father was too passive to stand up for me or my siblings. (He basically told us that our mother was always right, even when she was yelling as us about how stupid we were and how we'd never make it in life on our own. But that's a different story for a different day.)
When I got my Bachelor's degree, I did invite them to the main ceremony. My parents paid for my first three years, and I didn't feel right not inviting them. (It wasn't my "real" graduation, either, I was walking with my friends but not getting my official degree until the next year - I had to wait a year to pick up one last class if I wanted to keep my minor.) This event consisted of everyone in the whole college graduating that year walking into the football stadium and sitting on folding chairs while parents sat in the bleachers, everyone stood up when their major was called, nobody was called individually, and most of the time was spent listening to some spoiled politically connected narcissist talking about themselves after being presented an honorary degree. (I wish I were joking).
I did not invite them to the "hooding ceremony" the day before, which was a more intimate affair with only the people in my major, and I did not want their drama to spoil that moment. To me, that was my "real" graduation ceremony, where everyone's name was called, I knew the people graduating, we had our major's Valedictorian speak, and we received our actual diploma that day.
When I got my Master's degree, my parents were absolutely not invited at all. I also skipped the football stadium spectacle and only went to the hooding ceremony.
I had learned from past mistakes.
And my parents didn't even notice I didn't invite them to my master's degree graduation.
This is your day. It's all about you, and what you're comfortable with. If you don't want your father there, don't invite him.
You're allowed to do that.
I do not have a good relationship with my parents. At all. I will not go into detail, but suffice to say that even though neither of them drinks (or has any other addiction for that matter), my mother was emotionally and verbally abusive and my father was too passive to stand up for me or my siblings. (He basically told us that our mother was always right, even when she was yelling as us about how stupid we were and how we'd never make it in life on our own. But that's a different story for a different day.)
When I got my Bachelor's degree, I did invite them to the main ceremony. My parents paid for my first three years, and I didn't feel right not inviting them. (It wasn't my "real" graduation, either, I was walking with my friends but not getting my official degree until the next year - I had to wait a year to pick up one last class if I wanted to keep my minor.) This event consisted of everyone in the whole college graduating that year walking into the football stadium and sitting on folding chairs while parents sat in the bleachers, everyone stood up when their major was called, nobody was called individually, and most of the time was spent listening to some spoiled politically connected narcissist talking about themselves after being presented an honorary degree. (I wish I were joking).
I did not invite them to the "hooding ceremony" the day before, which was a more intimate affair with only the people in my major, and I did not want their drama to spoil that moment. To me, that was my "real" graduation ceremony, where everyone's name was called, I knew the people graduating, we had our major's Valedictorian speak, and we received our actual diploma that day.
When I got my Master's degree, my parents were absolutely not invited at all. I also skipped the football stadium spectacle and only went to the hooding ceremony.
I had learned from past mistakes.
And my parents didn't even notice I didn't invite them to my master's degree graduation.
This is your day. It's all about you, and what you're comfortable with. If you don't want your father there, don't invite him.
You're allowed to do that.
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