Abrupt Ending
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: new state
Posts: 137
Abrupt Ending
So, (R?)ABF and I were going to go hiking today. He showed up at about 8:30 am. I asked him to blow into the breathalyzers that he had gotten for me when he quit drinking March 17, so that I could be reassured and not wonder if he was drinking. After 5 relapses, I had broken up with him and he had wanted to keep trying, so this was a necessity for me.
He had readily blown any time I asked, except one night, April 30, and then more often recently. On April 30, he blew and registered 0.3 and he said they were broken. Okay, so I blew. Then I drank and blew and they worked- BAC 0 when no booze, in the “warning” range after glugging a glass of wine in 5 minutes. He blew again last week and registered “warning.” He claimed it wasn’t a legitimate reading; the other one read 0% BAC. On Thursday, May 5, he had lit into me about my working for a client who wasn’t paying- he wouldn’t let up and kept yelling at me.
Anyway, so this morning, his eyes were dark when he arrived. He's been working very long hours at a new job, so I've thought leeway was justified, but I still wanted reassurance before I got into a truck and went into the mountains for the day.
My asking him to blow led to his yelling and blaming and marching around and saying I was trying to cancel the hike and… you know the drill. After he yelled, etc. for a bit, he looked at me to say something and I said, “this is a lot of fuss to go through to avoid blowing.” He left. His choice to be volatile, to attack and blame, to rant and yell thing, and to no longer be willing to do what I’ve asked to rebuild my trust.
So, I’m reeaally single. I’m kind of dizzy and discombobulated. Not really sad about it, strangely enough. But I do feel angry and have a weird distracted feeling.
I guess from now on my weekends aren't going to be ridiculously high-drama. That'll be something to adjust to.
I think I'll read the "I quit" thread over and over and over.
He had readily blown any time I asked, except one night, April 30, and then more often recently. On April 30, he blew and registered 0.3 and he said they were broken. Okay, so I blew. Then I drank and blew and they worked- BAC 0 when no booze, in the “warning” range after glugging a glass of wine in 5 minutes. He blew again last week and registered “warning.” He claimed it wasn’t a legitimate reading; the other one read 0% BAC. On Thursday, May 5, he had lit into me about my working for a client who wasn’t paying- he wouldn’t let up and kept yelling at me.
Anyway, so this morning, his eyes were dark when he arrived. He's been working very long hours at a new job, so I've thought leeway was justified, but I still wanted reassurance before I got into a truck and went into the mountains for the day.
My asking him to blow led to his yelling and blaming and marching around and saying I was trying to cancel the hike and… you know the drill. After he yelled, etc. for a bit, he looked at me to say something and I said, “this is a lot of fuss to go through to avoid blowing.” He left. His choice to be volatile, to attack and blame, to rant and yell thing, and to no longer be willing to do what I’ve asked to rebuild my trust.
So, I’m reeaally single. I’m kind of dizzy and discombobulated. Not really sad about it, strangely enough. But I do feel angry and have a weird distracted feeling.
I guess from now on my weekends aren't going to be ridiculously high-drama. That'll be something to adjust to.
I think I'll read the "I quit" thread over and over and over.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 696
Yep...Im in a mood...
Next time, hook up the machine to your hind end...
Tell him, if you blow over a .04, its over...(Make sure you eat beans the night before)
Keep on hiking by yourself, you will find a NORMAL man, that would love to take you on hikes.....Wouldnt that be sweet, to have a normal man, pack you a lunch, some water and a fluffy little blanket? And a real bonus, if he worried about loading his camera up to take pictures of you & him on this hike, instead of loading himself up with booze!
Next time, hook up the machine to your hind end...
Tell him, if you blow over a .04, its over...(Make sure you eat beans the night before)
Keep on hiking by yourself, you will find a NORMAL man, that would love to take you on hikes.....Wouldnt that be sweet, to have a normal man, pack you a lunch, some water and a fluffy little blanket? And a real bonus, if he worried about loading his camera up to take pictures of you & him on this hike, instead of loading himself up with booze!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: CA
Posts: 428
How lucky you are to be free! I know as positive as you sound it is still hard. Hold your head high and keep moving in the positive direction.
My AH a few months back told me he too would get a breathalizer ... man I wonder how much he would be arguing with me to not blow too? I already know that answer, a BUNCH! At this point I don't need one to tell me he has been drinking... he gives enough clues without it. I do longer give ANY leeway to "maybe it is something else" and not alcohol!
My AH a few months back told me he too would get a breathalizer ... man I wonder how much he would be arguing with me to not blow too? I already know that answer, a BUNCH! At this point I don't need one to tell me he has been drinking... he gives enough clues without it. I do longer give ANY leeway to "maybe it is something else" and not alcohol!
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,103
Believe me-it is so much nicer to not have drama on your weekends!!!! I had nothing BUT drama with my exabf.
Is your boyfriend in AA? Or is he just a "dry drunk". Dry drunk means, they're not drinking but nothign about their thinking patterns that led them to drink, has changed.
Is your boyfriend in AA? Or is he just a "dry drunk". Dry drunk means, they're not drinking but nothign about their thinking patterns that led them to drink, has changed.
Originally Posted by blueblooms14 
So, (R?)ABF and I were going to go hiking today. He showed up at about 8:30 am. I asked him to blow into the breathalyzers that he had gotten for me when he quit drinking March 17, so that I could be reassured and not wonder if he was drinking. After 5 relapses, I had broken up with him and he had wanted to keep trying, so this was a necessity for me.
He had readily blown any time I asked, except one night, April 30, and then more often recently. On April 30, he blew and registered 0.3 and he said they were broken. Okay, so I blew. Then I drank and blew and they worked- BAC 0 when no booze, in the “warning” range after glugging a glass of wine in 5 minutes. He blew again last week and registered “warning.” He claimed it wasn’t a legitimate reading; the other one read 0% BAC. On Thursday, May 5, he had lit into me about my working for a client who wasn’t paying- he wouldn’t let up and kept yelling at me.
Anyway, so this morning, his eyes were dark when he arrived. He's been working very long hours at a new job, so I've thought leeway was justified, but I still wanted reassurance before I got into a truck and went into the mountains for the day.
My asking him to blow led to his yelling and blaming and marching around and saying I was trying to cancel the hike and… you know the drill. After he yelled, etc. for a bit, he looked at me to say something and I said, “this is a lot of fuss to go through to avoid blowing.” He left. His choice to be volatile, to attack and blame, to rant and yell thing, and to no longer be willing to do what I’ve asked to rebuild my trust.
So, I’m reeaally single. I’m kind of dizzy and discombobulated. Not really sad about it, strangely enough. But I do feel angry and have a weird distracted feeling.
I guess from now on my weekends aren't going to be ridiculously high-drama. That'll be something to adjust to.
I think I'll read the "I quit" thread over and over and over.
He had readily blown any time I asked, except one night, April 30, and then more often recently. On April 30, he blew and registered 0.3 and he said they were broken. Okay, so I blew. Then I drank and blew and they worked- BAC 0 when no booze, in the “warning” range after glugging a glass of wine in 5 minutes. He blew again last week and registered “warning.” He claimed it wasn’t a legitimate reading; the other one read 0% BAC. On Thursday, May 5, he had lit into me about my working for a client who wasn’t paying- he wouldn’t let up and kept yelling at me.
Anyway, so this morning, his eyes were dark when he arrived. He's been working very long hours at a new job, so I've thought leeway was justified, but I still wanted reassurance before I got into a truck and went into the mountains for the day.
My asking him to blow led to his yelling and blaming and marching around and saying I was trying to cancel the hike and… you know the drill. After he yelled, etc. for a bit, he looked at me to say something and I said, “this is a lot of fuss to go through to avoid blowing.” He left. His choice to be volatile, to attack and blame, to rant and yell thing, and to no longer be willing to do what I’ve asked to rebuild my trust.
So, I’m reeaally single. I’m kind of dizzy and discombobulated. Not really sad about it, strangely enough. But I do feel angry and have a weird distracted feeling.
I guess from now on my weekends aren't going to be ridiculously high-drama. That'll be something to adjust to.
I think I'll read the "I quit" thread over and over and over.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,103
Ugh, reading this forum just reminds me how much better off I am without my ex.
Alcoholics behave SOOO irrationally. It's really ridiculous how they expect us to just accept their obfuscations and denial, without even questioning.
Of course if he had nothing to hide, he would've blown. Why do they get away with these manipulations? I still think about how much I got manipulated by my ex. I'm not even sure he KNOWS what the truth is about ANYTHING, at this point. Even about his own feelings!
Alcoholics behave SOOO irrationally. It's really ridiculous how they expect us to just accept their obfuscations and denial, without even questioning.
Of course if he had nothing to hide, he would've blown. Why do they get away with these manipulations? I still think about how much I got manipulated by my ex. I'm not even sure he KNOWS what the truth is about ANYTHING, at this point. Even about his own feelings!
Originally Posted by Alone22
How lucky you are to be free! I know as positive as you sound it is still hard. Hold your head high and keep moving in the positive direction.
My AH a few months back told me he too would get a breathalizer ... man I wonder how much he would be arguing with me to not blow too? I already know that answer, a BUNCH! At this point I don't need one to tell me he has been drinking... he gives enough clues without it. I do longer give ANY leeway to "maybe it is something else" and not alcohol!
My AH a few months back told me he too would get a breathalizer ... man I wonder how much he would be arguing with me to not blow too? I already know that answer, a BUNCH! At this point I don't need one to tell me he has been drinking... he gives enough clues without it. I do longer give ANY leeway to "maybe it is something else" and not alcohol!
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,103
Ain't that the truth!!!
I am in a mood, too. In a mood to tell everyone who's with their A to get out.
I know, I know...it's totally codependent. I'm coming up on the 4 yr anniversary of the day I met my ex. Oh boy. Not a good anniversary. I'm wishing I had just run like h*** the other way. I thought it was love at first sight, so that made me blind to all the red flags. This is an anniversary I willl NOT be celebrating!
I am in a mood, too. In a mood to tell everyone who's with their A to get out.
I know, I know...it's totally codependent. I'm coming up on the 4 yr anniversary of the day I met my ex. Oh boy. Not a good anniversary. I'm wishing I had just run like h*** the other way. I thought it was love at first sight, so that made me blind to all the red flags. This is an anniversary I willl NOT be celebrating!
Originally Posted by BobbyJ
Yep...Im in a mood...
Next time, hook up the machine to your hind end...
Tell him, if you blow over a .04, its over...(Make sure you eat beans the night before)
Keep on hiking by yourself, you will find a NORMAL man, that would love to take you on hikes.....Wouldnt that be sweet, to have a normal man, pack you a lunch, some water and a fluffy little blanket? And a real bonus, if he worried about loading his camera up to take pictures of you & him on this hike, instead of loading himself up with booze!
Next time, hook up the machine to your hind end...
Tell him, if you blow over a .04, its over...(Make sure you eat beans the night before)
Keep on hiking by yourself, you will find a NORMAL man, that would love to take you on hikes.....Wouldnt that be sweet, to have a normal man, pack you a lunch, some water and a fluffy little blanket? And a real bonus, if he worried about loading his camera up to take pictures of you & him on this hike, instead of loading himself up with booze!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: the moon, milky way
Posts: 1,250
I know you are upset and sad about it and relieved to be free of drama but in order to be free of drama, we have to decide to not participate in it (i.e. breathalizers before a hike)
I guess what I am trying to say is that the issue I read wasn't about his drinking as much as it was about your need to control it somehow... by breathalizing someone before you want to enjoy time with them is well, a bit odd to me.
It wouldn't have changed his drinking or recovery whether or not he took those tests. Are you in al-anon?
I guess what I am trying to say is that the issue I read wasn't about his drinking as much as it was about your need to control it somehow... by breathalizing someone before you want to enjoy time with them is well, a bit odd to me.
It wouldn't have changed his drinking or recovery whether or not he took those tests. Are you in al-anon?
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