MeredithD1

MAY 12 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

Perhaps the first thing we expect to learn in Al-Anon is how to get the alcoholic to stop drinking. This is a difficult idea to pry ourselves loose from, but our “making it” in Al-Anon depends entirely on realizing that our spouse’s sobriety is not our business, however much it may seem to affect our lives and destroy our happiness.

The key figure in my Al-Anon work is I, me, myself. That’s where the changes must take place to change my outlook from black to pink! Our work in Al-Anon, with ourselves, often results in the alcoholic’s wanting sobriety and getting it. This is merely a lovely bonus for our dedication to the Al-Anon program.

Today’s Reminder

I will stop wondering what to do about the alcoholic, and think about myself. What can I do to improve my life, to restore myself to full citizenship in the world? What are the shortcomings that are hampering me, and how can I rid myself of them? That is the crux of the Al-Anon program, and it really works.

“God help me to accept my powerlessness over alcohol and its effects. I will direct my efforts to improving the one life over which I do have power, my own.”

lillamy

Oooh, I remember walking into my first Al-Anon meeting and expecting to be handed a tool kit. "So, you use this when he wants to go to the liquor store; here's what it does"...:rotfxko

Even more important than realizing you can't make the alcoholic quit drinking any more than you can make his hair grow faster is the realization that buddy, you've got your hands full with taking care of yourself. I didn't realize how affected I was by living with an alcoholic until I was no longer living with an alcoholic. And dammit, all that stuff that I had blamed him for? Didn't go away because I left. I'm in a better calmer position to deal with my problems without an abusive A -- but deal with my problems, I still have to do. (Sorry about sounding like Yoda, I haven't had my coffee yet.)

pixilation

Pshaw..I'm on my third cup of coffee already(would be more, but I'm too lazy to get up and pour myself another cup)

And YES I do need to think about myself more than the alcoholic. I find myself constantly needing to remind myself of that. The old feelings of guilt, because I'm doing something for myself, creep up whenever I do even the smallest thing for myself(new pair of Chucks at a really good price? Yeah, I felt guilty about that)

MeredithD1

Yep, I tried to get my AH to stop drinking for about a decade (once I realized that he is A) before I got involved in Al-Anon. I thought, as his partner, it was my responsibility to do that. It seemed to me that friends and family agreed that it was something I "should" do, or I "should" leave him if he didn't quit.

The "non-Al-Anon educated" culture can sure add pressure to conform to its standards.

It was sure nice to free myself up to not do that dance with him, but to find my own dance with my HP.