reggiewayne

Well, I am officially miserable. I am fighting with my wife seemingly all of the time. I go to meetings and feel like I get very little out of them. I hang out with some of the guys in the program and it gets really competitive. I am so angry right now. I have 160 days and I want to just say FUKC IT!

I feel like every thing / every body is battling me. It just feels like there is no peace and serenity in my life. I feel like my wife uses me to regulate her moods. It's like it's up to me to manage her moods, and I'm the one trying to get sober. I just feel so lost. All of the things that used to give me peace are failing. All of the things I used to be able to take in stride drive my up a freaking wall now.

I need help. I can't keep doing this. If I continue to feel like this, I'm going to drink. WTF is the point in being sober and trying to make myself better if nobody I'm around gives a ****!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I need help SR. I just want to some calmness and peace and I can't seem to find it.

laurie6781

Do you have a sponsor? Call him! If not get one now!!!!

What step are you working on?

Sounds to me like you are "restless, irritable and discontent";

Maybe reading the Doctors Opinion one more time or two more times will settle you enough to contact your sponsor.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

ps: it's not about those around me seeing me sober and changing, it's about me feeling the changes in myself, changing our way of acting, interacting and reacting with others, no matter how they act, interact or react with us. That will come with working the steps and then learning how to LIVE the steps in our life on a daily basis.

Missy7

RW--I'm terribly sorry that you are feeling to agitated,, but don't let this change your path. We are all so proud of you. I, for one, look up to you. Your advice is always among the best. Now that doesn't mean you can't have bad days, but gosh, what good will drinking do? Seriously. Even for an instant, what good would it do? You know the answer.

Marriage is one of my specialties, and being a cranky woman is another. Phil and I have been married a long, long time and it has been a rough road sometimes. But at the other end, we still have each other and there is much to be said for that. If he could talk to you about this, and he has struggled with a pretty serious anger management problem, he would say to let it go. Maybe your wife's moods do depend on yours. That's okay. You are a pair.

Please take care of yourself. Can you go for a walk? Oh, I know, tomorrow is Friday. Offer to make a great dinner. Then go to Whole Foods or whatever you have like that and buy it all semi-made. I believe, although I don't know, that Phil always counters my negatives with a positive (when he's in control). Then he feels like he's winning by calming me against my will. And, frankly, if he makes me feel better, that's fine with me.

We all love you on here. Take care.

aussieblue

Reggie , sorry your feeling this way . You always post such positive and helpfull things for others and are a respected member on this board I do hope you don't decide to take that drink. Hang in there. Sending positive energy your way.

Luckyv2

Sorry you are feeling down at the moment. It sucks dog dodo I know how you are feeling. It is very hard to deal with, you don't feel as if your appreciated, you feel like no one cares, etc etc. However that is the Alcoholism talking to you in your head.

I am sure you have heard the saying

"This too will Pass"

Well it will,

One thing that helps me when I feel that way is to go for a walk. I feel really close spiritually when I am in Nature, so maybe that might work for you.

If you need to talk to someone I could PM you my number I am a good listener!

Or you can PM me yours I do have unlimited minutes thanks to my Nephew.

EmeraldRose

When I feel like everything in my life is battling me I have to take a step back and ask myself why am I getting these negative feelings from everywhere around me?! What am I doing or not doing differently to make everything around me seem like its confrontational. What is my daily mood like? How am I feeling about certain areas of my life? Am I feeling resentment for something? Am I angry over something that I have no control over? Am I tired because I'm working too much and not taking enough time to work my program? How can I constructively change the negative feelings that I have?
Usually, I find that once I take responsibilty for the gray spots I'm feeling things usually seem to go smooth. Not that everything is MY fault but alot of times I find that my attitude towards something needs to be altered so everything around it can change too. Once of my problems in the past was letting things roll of my back...now I try to understand the feeling first before it rolls away so it doesn't snowbal back to knock me over.
I'm sorry you are feeling anxious about life right now...sometimes we put so much good into everything all the time that it sounds like maybe you need to just even out alittle.
Wishing you peace and strength, Reggie.

Maryjan

One reason you are sober...is that you are an inspiration to many of us here. Get outside, somewhere beautiful. What are you thankful for?

Mcribb

You go through pain like this in life. It is hard to accept it, you are doing the right thing by posting here, but really reach out by calling people. Just try to get some sleep as well. I grinded hour by hour where it just felt like someone was stabbing me in the heart, I stuck in there and today I am awesome no matter what the outside circumstances. Then just write write write, write out your feelings and throughts no matter what you are thinking. Just let it go.

Mcribb

I would also try to dig deep and think about the times you were feeling the most loved, most confortable, I try to remember getting hugs from my mom and grandma, or dad or someone saying they were proud of you. I am proud of you for posting. Anyone with any sobriety has gone through some large pain, but without it you don't get the ahhhhhh feeling when serienty hits you.

suki44883

I don't know if this will help, but when I'm feeling especially irritated or depressed, it helps me if I do something for someone else. Is there someone you know who can't get out of the house regularly, who might enjoy a visit or a ride to the park? Can you think of something you can do that would help another person? It's amazing how helping someone else can make ME feel so much better.

Hang in there, Reggie. You can get past this and we're all rooting for you.

comanche

Hey RW, FWIW I get a lot out of your posts. I have 53 days sober and you are a part of that, so thank you.

Soberween

Reggie.....don't pick up that drink no matter what. I was just shy of six months sober and I drank and I totally regret it. It did nothing for me whatsoever other than make me feel irritated. You really are an inspiration to so many here. You always give good solid advice that comes from the heart. This too shall pass. You just have to ride it out.

pennywistle

Hi Reggie, I want to say first off that you are very important here and what keeps SR alive. Your posts in the past have helped me tremendously.
I am having a rough day myself and giving in to drinking is tempting, but I have the choice to not let the rough times take power over me and tempt me to do something so backwards and senseless as to drink one more time and go through the awful withdrawals and the 'why did I do that???' yet again. I just won't for today.

As the old adage goes, this too shall pass! Hang in there!
Be good to yourself, you've earned it.

LSNP

What does this mean? Is it from the Big Book?

GettingStronger2

Have you admitted you are powerless and that your life is unmanageable, laying aside the drink question? Or do you see the steps as just resolving your powerlessness over alcohol?

susanlauren

Reggie,
Have you tried prayer and meditation? "As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action. We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many time each day "Thy will be done." We are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or foolish decisions." pp. 87-88 1st Ed. BB

Are you working step ten on a daily basis? "Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. This is not an overnight matter. It should continue for our lifetime. Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment and fear. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. We discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we harmed anyone. Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help." p. 84 1st Ed. BB

I hope that either of these suggestions is helpful to you. Susan

Bikeguy

reggiewayne,

Sometimes when the day wears me down and I can't take no more I give in and just go to bed. Really even if your not tired, go lie down, close your eyes, take some deep breaths, turn on some soft music and just chill. I know it's not a permanent fix but it can help you get through the overwhelming times and just give you a change to re-group. Drinking will cure none of the issues you are fighting in fact it will just make you have to deal with them with an unclear head and a hangover. Stay strong, you can get through this.

Stride34

Reggie - dig deep man. You know the drill. Obviously, don't drink. Get back to the spiritual basics. Recognize that these are only feelings and they will pass..don't identify with them. This competitiveness with friends and issues with your wife sound like they are just ego-related. If they are approving of you, then it's like a high- you are the man. If not, then you get irritable, insecure and competitive. The truth is these problems are all in your head, your thoughts are causing your own suffering. I say this not to put you down my friend- once you are aware of this, then you are no longer a slave to your thoughts and feelings. This is the greatest gift one could have

reggiewayne

Thanks for your posts / help guys. I am doing a little better. I just had a really bad day which has been "piggy backed" onto a hectic last few weeks. I feel like there are times when my sobriety is very solid and others when I feel it is so fragile. I no longer "crave a drink' I just don't like living in pain for very long. When I feel pain (when doing well in my program) I move right past it using my tools for recovery.

Lately, I have been feeling pain and sitting in it and that is causing me to be miserable. The solution is in the steps and coming here. Helping others, doing for others, thinking not less of myself, but thinking of myself less often.

I'm not going to drink guys. It will solve nothing. I just don't always do a good job handling bad days.

Thanks for everone's kind words. You guys help me so much.

My plan for action is to write my wife a nice note (argh!), take my son to breakfast before school tomorrow, and go to a meeting. Normally, my emotions follow my actions.

Thanks again for being there for me. I hope I didn't upset anyone with my negative posts. I just needed to vent and get some advice!

FNB3

I feel miserable too...right there with you. I think its just old pattern behavior trying to trick us into using again...but WTF do I know?

You are right about one thing though...nobody gives a s@!t. Anyone telling you otherwise is full of it and has an agenda. One may pause to write a comment or say a few words but will go on most interested in their own interests with little regard for us. That's normal. It's funny because as addicts we wouldn't care that much about what others thought of us if we could only realize how little they actually spend thinking about us at all.

My advise is don't drink. Create a toolbox for yourself that consists of things you do for yourself, in any given moment, to immediately feel better. Use them appropriately. Could be a walk, ice cream, a movie, music??? Find out what YOU really enjoy doing with your time and do it. It can be really hard because often, we don't really know a whole lot about ourselves and our interests that doesn't involve being high.

And work. You have to put in. Ask yourself every day "what have I done for my sobriety today?"

Just know that you are not alone in these feelings. It's part of the path I think. You have the great opportunity to go through some struggles and stay sober and grow from it. Next time similar struggles come, and they will, you will be prepared to handle them.