melloe

and is it wrong that i feel good about him falling apart?i feel terrible about feeling good about his landslide...

February

No, I think it is normal and human nature to feel satisfied when someone who has hurt you gets a little of his own medicine. Feel those feelings though and let them go. Enjoying his misery is a place you wanna pass through, not put down roots in! I know when my maybe soon exAH started drinking again because he had not done the AA work to build new coping skills, I had a twinge of "I told him so" and feeling justified for having left in the first place. I am trying to stay away from that though and focus on me and my kids. I feel better about myself when I feel regret that he is choosing to live this way, rather than satisfaction. But you will find no judgment here!

slugger9787

Gloating is okay for one fifteen minute period of time per each instance of mistake someone else makes. Gloating in private with mouth closed, followed by a prayer for them learning the lesson.

MyBetterWorld

I think it's a natural reaction. Sometimes we need to see them suffer their own consequences for once....instead of us being the ones doing all of the suffering. You are doing great.....just please don't cave in! If you cave now, he will never believe that you are serious!

Cyranoak

I felt absolute glee when AW was arrested and taken to jail, at the same time as I felt absolute sorrow. It was weird. That must be what it's like to be bi-polar.

LaPinturaBella

I don't think you need to hold that guilt jds. You were detaching and letting him suffer HIS consequences. Being at the hospital would magically lower his BP instantaneously if you had "dropped everything"?

StarCat

No, it would have taught him that you'd always be there, no matter what, and no matter what he caused you'd be there to hold his hand and tell him it would be all better.

Nothing to be guilty of.
I'm actually wishing I could have been that strong, when XABF tried to reel me back in.
Now I went to contact, so he can't reel me back in, but I mean before that.

barb dwyer

I don't know that it's so much 'bad' as it is simply 'normal'.

However, at the same time
dwelling on it
and dragging anyone else into it

makes us spiritually small, IMO
and keeps a black spot on our hearts
that we're trying to close.

It's like the whole Ben Laden thing.

It's good that no more harm can come through that being.
It's over.
Move on.

Otherwise,
we're as small as he.


That kind of thing.

Shellcrusher

I liken it to seeing that dude on the road cutting people off and driving like an ass.
2 miles down the road he's on the side of it with the Fuzz writing out a fat ticket.

It's normal. Don't fret.

sandrawg

For me, I wish my exabf would fall flat on his face because maybe, just maybe, it would inspire him to get help.