samanthajule

I have struggled with depression for many years, but as I no longer have my son (died at 23 - 9 yrs ago from drug overdose) and I no longer have my faith. My health has been a struggle since I was 21, I am now 53. I have been on xanax and ambien for years and years. My new husband believes that it is these drugs that have caused me to lose interest in life and living. I don't know, maybe he is right. I know that I cannot stop taking them on my own, it will require being forced and keeping me away from the drug. I don't want to go into some psych ward of some hospital. I know they are crazy houses and they scare me to death - I have had family members in some of them. But I cannot afford to go to one of these luxury resort places like Dr. Phil sends people to.

I guess I am just at a point where nothing in life interests me, I don't know if I can find the motivation to even search out this help. In short, I am thinking - I don't know what I am thinking - I am just tired of it all.

Dee74

Hi samanthajule

Welcome

It's scary for everyone to face going off their drug of choice, no matter what it is. We all understand

Noone's going to up and send you to a psych ward tho... all it takes for most of us to get the ball rolling is to see our Dr, and be honest and open about whats happening.

Talk to your Dr - see what they have to say - and please - keep reading and posting here - you'll find a ton of support

D

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

It's undestandable that you are afraid. But, know that you can do this and we are here to offer support.

Please talk to your dr about your plan to stop the drugs.

aasharon90

Being on any kind of drug whatever it maybe
tampers with our chemical imbalnce inside our
bodies. Inside our systems. Drugs affect each
person systems differently.

To instantly get off any drugs would disrupt our
systems with what they were use to or dependant
on. And would cause more harm than good.

In a doctors care they can help wen yourself off
the drugs to where you can be at a safe level and
then help you by suggesting something that is not
narcatic or habit forming if needed.

nandm

Welcome to SR. I do hope you are able to find the support and strength here that I have during your times of struggle.

Fizzle6

Hello Samanthajule:

Just my two cents, but you said you've been suffering from depression for years, yet the two medications you mention are not anti-depressants. I would strongly recommend seeking out -- and being honest -- with a qualified psychiatrist. There are good doctors out there. Don't be afraid to search for one you trust. And there is help available for anyone suffering from depression -- crisis hotlines, counseling services, etc. -- regardless of your income. Best wishes for you...

MsCooterBrown

Welcome Samantha! These d@mn addictions do a number on us that is for sure. I hope you find the help you need. We all deserve to be happy. Glad you came here..hope to hear from you often.

samanthajule

Thank you all for your supportive words. I have actually been to many psychiatrist and been on many different medications but seems not to make much difference. I am scared, really scared. I have attempted suicide 3 times in my past. Last time was Jan. 1, 2006 and I still tell my now husband that I wish he had never come to my apartment and taken me to the hospital that night. I have been trying to find a support group such as all of you that I can actually call and meet with when I need the extra help.

I know I want to decide something within the next couple of weeks. I want to start detoxing to see if that improves my desire to live and if not I want to end my life with no mistakes this time. Thank you all.

artsoul

Welcome to the forum - I hope you decide your life is worthwhile and give yourself a chance to get clean from the pills..... I have the same thoughts that Fizzle had about the anti-depressants. Do you see a psychiatrist on a regular basis?

I can only imagine what you've gone through these past 9 years - a very good friend of mine went through the same thing last year. I'm sure your son would not want to see you lose your faith or take you own life. Please don't give up.....

Dee74

withe the extra information you've given us, I think Fizzles advice is great...if you're still seeing a psychiatrist bring them in on this as well, SJ...if not, can you ask your regular Dr for a referral?

D

samanthajule

Thank you. I wish I could find help here and had the strength to get help. I don't have anyone who knows about me being so messed up except my husband. I try to tell a few close friends that I feel like I am loosing my mind but they just try to blow it off, like everyone feels these things and has trouble thinking, etc. I am wondering what feelings and experiences others who are on these drugs are having - if they are similar to what I am feeling. If it is the drugs or if I am just loosing my mind. My mom lost her mind at an early age and I dont' believe she was on any drugs except insulin for her diabetes.

I hope to find answers and support somewhere. I wish for someone to take my hand and get me started and walk with me each day but I know that is impossible. Thank you.

artsoul

I don't know anything about what xanax or ambien do to you over time. How it affects you depends on how much you take, how often, general health, and other variables, like your preexisting depression..... Are you under care of a doctor or psychiatrist? Or are you self-medicating?

If you haven't already, check out the substance abuse section:Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

. Have you thought about inpatient treatment? When I was feeling hopeless and depressed and wanted to stop drinking, I didn't care much about my life either. Going away to a 30 day program allowed me to address all my issues and gave me a safe place to be. I came out a different person, seriously!

Sending positive thoughts and prayers.......

Missy7

Samantha:

What do you love best? What little thing is it that still makes you happy?

I have been very depressed at times in my life, although I haven't gone through what you have. But I do understand the bottomless inability to move. But you're here--which is great--and you call your husband "new." That's promising too.

What do you love best? Tell us. PM me if you like.

Dee74

Did you see a Dr or a Psych, Samantha?

D