Dirty Secrets of a Sister Binge Drinker
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: New York City - but moving
Posts: 57
Dirty Secrets of a Sister Binge Drinker
I broke down and cried like a baby on Monday at my neighborhood AA meeting. The reason: the night before I downed an entire bottle of wine -- much like I've done for months, for years. Then Part II: I ripped through my refrigerator and ate a pound of turkey, TWO boxes of leftover Mother's Day cookies, and GAWD-KNOWS-WHAT ELSE!!???
It's frightening how by the time I get to the refrigerator part of the BINGING experience that I must be blacked out. Somehow I manage to get myself to bed. HOW can that be?
CHECK THIS OUT --
Because I'm newly married, (two years), I was SHOCKED when my husband reported this behavior to me after witnessing me drunk one night.I didn't even know he was IN THE ROOM with me!
THAT'S what scared me enough into going to AA. I knew if I didn't clean up, I'd lose my marriage.
It's a struggle. Today -- I'm 2-1/2 days sober. Tomorrow, I'll be 3-1/2 days sober. I hope. But a day or two from now, is when the evil you-know-what comes a-calling.
So Ladies and Gentlemen: You are my AA Group while I travel. Thank you for being there.
It's frightening how by the time I get to the refrigerator part of the BINGING experience that I must be blacked out. Somehow I manage to get myself to bed. HOW can that be?
CHECK THIS OUT --
Because I'm newly married, (two years), I was SHOCKED when my husband reported this behavior to me after witnessing me drunk one night.I didn't even know he was IN THE ROOM with me!
THAT'S what scared me enough into going to AA. I knew if I didn't clean up, I'd lose my marriage.
It's a struggle. Today -- I'm 2-1/2 days sober. Tomorrow, I'll be 3-1/2 days sober. I hope. But a day or two from now, is when the evil you-know-what comes a-calling.
So Ladies and Gentlemen: You are my AA Group while I travel. Thank you for being there.
i've done my almost
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
Hi Brette-
I turned into a sporadic blackout drinker. It wasn't always this way, but in my last drinking months or even years, I'd black out and I did all kind of crazy shyte.
Even though I got two duis and two totalled cars during two blackouts, the worst blackouts were the ones in which I totally embarressed myself. I'm almost 18 months sober and I still feel the shame.
You know what though? Since I've been sober, I haven't blackout once? Heck, I haven't even gotten another dui either.
Pretty cool!
We can and do recover and YOU can be living proof. Keep working those steps and keep going to meetings.
Kjell~
I turned into a sporadic blackout drinker. It wasn't always this way, but in my last drinking months or even years, I'd black out and I did all kind of crazy shyte.
Even though I got two duis and two totalled cars during two blackouts, the worst blackouts were the ones in which I totally embarressed myself. I'm almost 18 months sober and I still feel the shame.
You know what though? Since I've been sober, I haven't blackout once? Heck, I haven't even gotten another dui either.
Pretty cool!
We can and do recover and YOU can be living proof. Keep working those steps and keep going to meetings.
Kjell~
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,473
Brette, I blacked out frequently towards the end of my drinking days and it's the scariest thing ever. Even after all these years, I sometimes think about those pieces of my life, of which I have absolutely no recollection.
I am so glad that you found us and I know you will find lots of support here.
I am so glad that you found us and I know you will find lots of support here.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,236
I must have blacked out when I ran off the road
hitting a concrete culvert sitting on top the ground
back in February 1990. August 1990 I entered rehab
via family intervention by way of a police car.
It was them doing for me what I surely couldnt
do for myself. I was powerless over alcohol and
my life had become unmanageable.
I recieved the tools and knowledge of my alcoholism
before being set on a path of recovery to learn to
stay sober a day at a time, incorperating the steps
and principles set down before us as mentioned in
our Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Hi Im Sharon and Im an Alcoholic and
my sobriety date is August 11, 1990.
Today I continue my recovery journey sharing my
own experiences strengths and hopes of what it
was like before during and after drinking with others
that still suffer in order to remain happy joyous and
free today.
hitting a concrete culvert sitting on top the ground
back in February 1990. August 1990 I entered rehab
via family intervention by way of a police car.
It was them doing for me what I surely couldnt
do for myself. I was powerless over alcohol and
my life had become unmanageable.
I recieved the tools and knowledge of my alcoholism
before being set on a path of recovery to learn to
stay sober a day at a time, incorperating the steps
and principles set down before us as mentioned in
our Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Hi Im Sharon and Im an Alcoholic and
my sobriety date is August 11, 1990.
Today I continue my recovery journey sharing my
own experiences strengths and hopes of what it
was like before during and after drinking with others
that still suffer in order to remain happy joyous and
free today.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 47
Welcome Brette!
Glad you are here. Your story sounds similar to mine...I didn't binge on food, but I did crazy things when I was drunk. I sometimes had blackouts, but I was mostly a closet drinker...so I may have had many more blackouts than I thought, since I was mostly literally hiding/isolated in various parts of the house drinking.
I thought my husband didn't know.....but he did! He is very upset with me, has threatened to leave me, but I did it again anyway.
But after my last binge, I scared myself to death by getting very sick. Now I'm in recovery for me.
I hope you are able to keep posting and reading as you move/travel.
THINGS WILL GET BETTER! Just don't drink!
fragileflower
Glad you are here. Your story sounds similar to mine...I didn't binge on food, but I did crazy things when I was drunk. I sometimes had blackouts, but I was mostly a closet drinker...so I may have had many more blackouts than I thought, since I was mostly literally hiding/isolated in various parts of the house drinking.
I thought my husband didn't know.....but he did! He is very upset with me, has threatened to leave me, but I did it again anyway.
But after my last binge, I scared myself to death by getting very sick. Now I'm in recovery for me.
I hope you are able to keep posting and reading as you move/travel.
THINGS WILL GET BETTER! Just don't drink!
fragileflower
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Portland
Posts: 1,631
I hate it when my husband tells me all about what I did the night before. In fact, after my last relapse (pretty recently) he started telling me a really scary story and I just told him to stop. I know I blackout and do weird things. I don't want to hear all the gorey details.
I wonder where our mind goes during blackout. Where does that hunger or anger or hurt come from? Anyway, I'm glad you are here.
Let's avoid either of us having to hear our husbands report to us on our stupid behavior.
I wonder where our mind goes during blackout. Where does that hunger or anger or hurt come from? Anyway, I'm glad you are here.
Let's avoid either of us having to hear our husbands report to us on our stupid behavior.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hi Brette and welcome! I only had one blackout (about 30 years ago), but I still think about people telling me things that I did..... I was participating in a skit for my sorority, but apparently got pissed off because a part of my costume came apart and after that I wouldn't go on stage.....
Somehow I didn't have blackouts after that, but sure did manage to drink enough for 2 or 3 lifetimes.......
Keep posting and reading - We're happy to go along with you on your trips!
Somehow I didn't have blackouts after that, but sure did manage to drink enough for 2 or 3 lifetimes.......
Keep posting and reading - We're happy to go along with you on your trips!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: The Sooner State
Posts: 1,725
Blackouts didnt phase me. My hubby or friends would fill in the blanks and I would continue to drink the next day. Dont be like me!
Since you are blacking out I suggest you go to the Dr and be completely honest about the amount you drink and the fact that you black out.
Since you are blacking out I suggest you go to the Dr and be completely honest about the amount you drink and the fact that you black out.
Day 10
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 39
I'm sure I'm not alone.
I blacked outr almost every time I drank and was absurdelly proud of myself when I could remember the night before. I told myself that I hadn't blacked out so I didn't have a problem. I also filled the blanks based on flashes of memory. If there were no flashes then well I must have gone to sleep. Deep down I know I hadn't gone to sleep I just wanted to beleive that I hadn't totally destroyed myself and my family another little bit.
Filling in the blanks was really crazy especially when I stood corrected. I imagined myself stumbling down the passage to my room. Perhaps that bit was real because of a flash of memory, but then the story would be more elaborate and I would have to fabricate what came before bed. I watched TV for a while. I did the dishes. anything. And I beleived it. and so I was absurdely proud of myself for not blacking out and therefore didn't have a problem.
What through a spanner in the works was finding out that I had called my husband a C*** and told him I hated him. Thrown things at him. My blessed ignorance shattered. Black outs are definately awful.
I blacked outr almost every time I drank and was absurdelly proud of myself when I could remember the night before. I told myself that I hadn't blacked out so I didn't have a problem. I also filled the blanks based on flashes of memory. If there were no flashes then well I must have gone to sleep. Deep down I know I hadn't gone to sleep I just wanted to beleive that I hadn't totally destroyed myself and my family another little bit.
Filling in the blanks was really crazy especially when I stood corrected. I imagined myself stumbling down the passage to my room. Perhaps that bit was real because of a flash of memory, but then the story would be more elaborate and I would have to fabricate what came before bed. I watched TV for a while. I did the dishes. anything. And I beleived it. and so I was absurdely proud of myself for not blacking out and therefore didn't have a problem.
What through a spanner in the works was finding out that I had called my husband a C*** and told him I hated him. Thrown things at him. My blessed ignorance shattered. Black outs are definately awful.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: New York City - but moving
Posts: 57
Thax Kjell -- I with you on the "embarrassing things" I did aspect during the black-outs (or near blackouts)... like running naked onto my ondoor patio... (oh brother!!!) I feel like I need to talk about some of these things to exorcize the memories...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: New York City - but moving
Posts: 57
Fragile -- my biggest fear that my husband would leave... so now I know I need to be strong -- if not stronger than him -- so he needs me AS MUCH! But that will be without a blackout -- and that means not even ONE drink. Egatz. I'm 3-1/2 days and counting.
But that will be without a blackout -- and that means not even ONE drink. Egatz. I'm 3-1/2 days and counting.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: New York City - but moving
Posts: 57
Hey Dee -- I am thrilled to be here especially because I travel for work -- and can't find my way to a meeting all the time (on the road). It's an amazing share here. THANK YOU! I slept sooooo soundly last night knowing I can find my way back here.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: scotland
Posts: 13
Welcome Brette
A binger like myself. I cant count days coz I only drink Friday and Saturday..and crave those days in between just now..only since my counsellor told me I was an alcoholic...and now its all I think about. I have had loads of blackouts over the years, then spent days feeling sick about the things I had done. I kind of liked beatin myself up..I suffer from depression and am reading a fab book. Called ;Depression - the way out of your prison...' only on page 37 but OMG it is hitting home the things I am doing to myself...and the hurt I am doing to others..
Good luck my friend on your journey..soon I will be saying "thats my 2nd weekend without a drink"
Aw ra best
A binger like myself. I cant count days coz I only drink Friday and Saturday..and crave those days in between just now..only since my counsellor told me I was an alcoholic...and now its all I think about. I have had loads of blackouts over the years, then spent days feeling sick about the things I had done. I kind of liked beatin myself up..I suffer from depression and am reading a fab book. Called ;Depression - the way out of your prison...' only on page 37 but OMG it is hitting home the things I am doing to myself...and the hurt I am doing to others..
Good luck my friend on your journey..soon I will be saying "thats my 2nd weekend without a drink"
Aw ra best
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: New York City - but moving
Posts: 57
JustVee -- I wonder if our alcoholism is different BECAUSE we are bingers... Something I'll ponder today... I'm going for a run (my form of meditation...) I'll look for your name as we both battle this binging thing together... What do you say? You got a buddy here. I'm six days! Thrilled. But you're right -- it's scary BECAUSE we're bingers.
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