something's gotta give
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 47
something's gotta give
I was sober for almost a week. I have posted before how I have wrecked my life by drinking. Well, I had gotten a new job but was continuing to drink, long story short...I just lost that damn job too. Found out yesterday. Another alcohol-related eff-up.
Currently, I am in withdrawals, nervous, sick, etc. Easy answer would be to drink again tonight. But I am nearing the end of my road with alcohol. I'm done. I just want some peace.
Currently, I am in withdrawals, nervous, sick, etc. Easy answer would be to drink again tonight. But I am nearing the end of my road with alcohol. I'm done. I just want some peace.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,384
The only way I stop wrecking my life and my health - and my future...was to stop drinking...there's no answers in going back to the thing thats helped us wreck our lives.
Make a commitment to doing things differently from now on, PR - what are you doing for support apart from us?
D
Make a commitment to doing things differently from now on, PR - what are you doing for support apart from us?
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: The Sooner State
Posts: 1,725
Thats awful! Im so sorry about your job! Look...this thing can be turned around. I thought what everyone was saying to me was total BS! I thought "take your sunshine and roses somewhere else! you have no idea how bad this situation is" Im praying for you. Try to get to a meeting tonight.
New to Real Life
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: I come in Peaces
Posts: 2,071
Originally Posted by Dee74 
The only way I stop wrecking my life and my health - and my future...was to stop drinking...there's no answers in going back to the thing thats helped us wreck our lives.
The problem IME with multiple relapses is that it feeds that alcoholic voice. "You can just start (recovery) again tomorrow".
I used to panic in the middle of the night that I'd die of liver failure or of a broken heart when I lost access to children. But the next day I'd just drink again.
You know what fear finally fed my recovery? Not the catastrophic thoughts that race through my head. But the fear that for the next 50 years I'd just have a dull, ****** life. Constantly fearful and regretful. That's honestly the more realistic outcome.
It's just a terrible waste of a life.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Portland
Posts: 1,631
When I'm really in trouble and am feeling sick the first couple days after drinking too much, I eat pasta and sleep on the couch with the TV running. Can you manage that? Get some carbs, get some sleep, start again tomorrow. Take care and keep posting.
Sunny Side Up
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Sth Australia
Posts: 3,802
Hi Pinkroses, I posted this in another thread. You have a chance to really think about what you really want to do. I know its very difficult for you, but you have to make a choice.
Quote, Justjo
I just wanted to say Inneed also. When my sisters children asked me "why wont mum stop drinking" - I would answer them "Mum is very sick". When she died, they asked me "why did mum leave us that way" - I answered, "mum didnt know how to stop because she was way too sick to let people help her"
I have had alot of time to think about this - I truelly believe that she found every excuse not to give up for a long time but in the end, she just didnt know how to live with out it, that was too scary for her to think about, I think.
Im hoping my post isnt inappropriate for you, but sometimes we have to let them make their own mind up, you know. Even though, I didnt like the decision she made, I know in my heart that I couldnt save her, you see.
JJ
Quote, Justjo
I just wanted to say Inneed also. When my sisters children asked me "why wont mum stop drinking" - I would answer them "Mum is very sick". When she died, they asked me "why did mum leave us that way" - I answered, "mum didnt know how to stop because she was way too sick to let people help her"
I have had alot of time to think about this - I truelly believe that she found every excuse not to give up for a long time but in the end, she just didnt know how to live with out it, that was too scary for her to think about, I think.
Im hoping my post isnt inappropriate for you, but sometimes we have to let them make their own mind up, you know. Even though, I didnt like the decision she made, I know in my heart that I couldnt save her, you see.
JJ
Now just the occasional eff-up, not a daily thing.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
Sorry about the job...I lost mine too because I drank. But the good thing was it gave me time to get help. I went the first AA meeting I could get to and shortly thereafter started a 6 week out patient rehab. I know how you feel -believe me...I will never forget that aweful sense of failure.
But ya know what? I quit that day. I went through rehab. I cleaned myself up and got another job. Sure it took time. About 2 months. But I did it. I am in control now.
I hate to say this but you have a choice...suffer through the withdrawals and feeling miserable and get on with your life or pick up a drink and feel miserable and eff up big time again. That choice is only one you can make.
Wishing you peace and strength.
But ya know what? I quit that day. I went through rehab. I cleaned myself up and got another job. Sure it took time. About 2 months. But I did it. I am in control now.
I hate to say this but you have a choice...suffer through the withdrawals and feeling miserable and get on with your life or pick up a drink and feel miserable and eff up big time again. That choice is only one you can make.
Wishing you peace and strength.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Bethlehem, PA.
Posts: 1,781
Pinkroses, isn't having to go through alcohol withdrawal over and over again telling you something. I know it's hard to give up something that you found comfort in but that brief period of relief has a very large price tag as you already know. When the alcohol wears off you feel even worse than before you started so the million dollar question is why would you keep doing something that's going to make things even worse?
I've been there, done that, lost a lot because of my drinking but I discovered that the battle is never lost until your 6 feet under. Alcohol will disassemble your life piece by piece but you have the power to put an end to that, you just have to want it more than you want the brief period of relief. In a way your not really addicted to the alcohol, your addicted to the relief it provides.
Going through withdrawal is 9 kinds of hell, you have to get through that period then get some sober time behind you. Use whatever resources you can find, AA, a counselor, psychiatrist, anything is better than going through the living hell of alcoholism. Stay strong Pinkroses and I hope you find a solution.
I've been there, done that, lost a lot because of my drinking but I discovered that the battle is never lost until your 6 feet under. Alcohol will disassemble your life piece by piece but you have the power to put an end to that, you just have to want it more than you want the brief period of relief. In a way your not really addicted to the alcohol, your addicted to the relief it provides.
Going through withdrawal is 9 kinds of hell, you have to get through that period then get some sober time behind you. Use whatever resources you can find, AA, a counselor, psychiatrist, anything is better than going through the living hell of alcoholism. Stay strong Pinkroses and I hope you find a solution.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Washington
Posts: 456
A guy in one of my AA meetings reminded us of all the BS excuses we use to not get to a meeting- especially the car one. When we needed booze or drugs we always found a ride or money or a way.
Did you ever get the phone list from the meeting? Call one of them. Do you have public transit? Use that. What I'm getting at here is that we need to put as much energy into our sobriety as we did our addiction. In AA we are a very welcoming bunch that gets help by helping others.
I've had to get up at 5am to hit a meeting before work, gotten home at 10pm because I hit a meeting and then was asked to do service work at an inpatient treatment center. I'm not perfect but I'm damned serious about being sober and recovery.
If you need an excuse to not do what you know you need to do, you'll always have one. ALWAYS.
Sorry to sound hard core here, but I just left a "welcome to AA" panel at an IOP last week and heard every excuse there was. We told the director we'd only be back if we could have a much stronger message.
I have a wife
I have kids
I have a job
I have money problems
I have court comittments
I have medical problems
-I have sobriety and a program.
Just try keeping me away from it.
I know that if I lose my sobriety I lose my job, my car, my life, my license, my children, hope.
I chose AA, not because it's simple, but because it is hard. I think half measures are worse than no comittment at all. Half measures leave you with guilt on relapse.
My opinion...
Again, sorry to sound so harsh. But I've been through 2 1st step meetings this weekend after people relapsed and didn't need to. Half measures got them nothing. I'm glad they returned and I hope they can go "all in" this time around. Relapse isn't a part of recovery, it's part of active addiction and it's something we have to rebound from if it happens. Especially in early recovery.
Did you ever get the phone list from the meeting? Call one of them. Do you have public transit? Use that. What I'm getting at here is that we need to put as much energy into our sobriety as we did our addiction. In AA we are a very welcoming bunch that gets help by helping others.
I've had to get up at 5am to hit a meeting before work, gotten home at 10pm because I hit a meeting and then was asked to do service work at an inpatient treatment center. I'm not perfect but I'm damned serious about being sober and recovery.
If you need an excuse to not do what you know you need to do, you'll always have one. ALWAYS.
Sorry to sound hard core here, but I just left a "welcome to AA" panel at an IOP last week and heard every excuse there was. We told the director we'd only be back if we could have a much stronger message.
I have a wife
I have kids
I have a job
I have money problems
I have court comittments
I have medical problems
-I have sobriety and a program.
Just try keeping me away from it.
I know that if I lose my sobriety I lose my job, my car, my life, my license, my children, hope.
I chose AA, not because it's simple, but because it is hard. I think half measures are worse than no comittment at all. Half measures leave you with guilt on relapse.
My opinion...
Again, sorry to sound so harsh. But I've been through 2 1st step meetings this weekend after people relapsed and didn't need to. Half measures got them nothing. I'm glad they returned and I hope they can go "all in" this time around. Relapse isn't a part of recovery, it's part of active addiction and it's something we have to rebound from if it happens. Especially in early recovery.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 889
Sounds like you're at a pretty good place to give this recovery thing a shot. Most of us would have never have quit drinking if we didn't feel we had to. My point is, we often come to sobriety with no where else to go - and that's OK.
My last hungover morning was terrible. Just terrible. The misery, the guilt, the shame, the "what if's", etc... just ate at me. I didn't want to drink, but I didn't no how to stop. I walked into the rooms of AA and just listened. I compared the results of the people in the room vs. me. Their plan had definitely given them better results than mine. So I decided to do what I was told, work the steps (even though I didn't see how they would help), and do a lot of other things that were suggested.
The result has been over 5 months sober. I still have bad days - I've actually been having a really tough time lately - but I keep doing what I have been told works.
If I don't follow my plan of recovery I will drink again. It's just that simple. Reggiewayne has no defense against drinking when I fight it. But, RW armed with the tools of my recovery doesn't have to defend against the first drink, it's simply not even an issue.
I know it's hard to imagine, but what if you literally no longer had a drinking problem to even worry about? Wouldn't that be wonderful? When I'm doing well, drinking is no longer a thing I worry about. When I'm disconnected, it comes back. So my job is to get my ass into recovery on a daily basis and let the program work through me - which removes the problem.
Hang in there. Recovery is sitting in an AA room and on this site just waiting for you to go get it. So why not go get it? If I can do this, I promise you can too!
My last hungover morning was terrible. Just terrible. The misery, the guilt, the shame, the "what if's", etc... just ate at me. I didn't want to drink, but I didn't no how to stop. I walked into the rooms of AA and just listened. I compared the results of the people in the room vs. me. Their plan had definitely given them better results than mine. So I decided to do what I was told, work the steps (even though I didn't see how they would help), and do a lot of other things that were suggested.
The result has been over 5 months sober. I still have bad days - I've actually been having a really tough time lately - but I keep doing what I have been told works.
If I don't follow my plan of recovery I will drink again. It's just that simple. Reggiewayne has no defense against drinking when I fight it. But, RW armed with the tools of my recovery doesn't have to defend against the first drink, it's simply not even an issue.
I know it's hard to imagine, but what if you literally no longer had a drinking problem to even worry about? Wouldn't that be wonderful? When I'm doing well, drinking is no longer a thing I worry about. When I'm disconnected, it comes back. So my job is to get my ass into recovery on a daily basis and let the program work through me - which removes the problem.
Hang in there. Recovery is sitting in an AA room and on this site just waiting for you to go get it. So why not go get it? If I can do this, I promise you can too!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Washington
Posts: 456
Reggiewayne- you always inspire. I too found myself in the halls of AA because nothing else worked. I was too "smart." For the other programs. There is no "out" in AA if you are fully comitted.
13th Step - dying sober.
13th Step - dying sober.
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