barblsn

Used to come here regularly, but my RAH was doing so great, 3 yeasr clean, moving up in his job, being a great grandpa...but that's all over. Relapsed 11/10, struggled for a while, finally agreed (with the help of his parole officer) to go to rehab in April, came home for a weekend pass, used, stole lots of money and is back in prison. I am so done. I really believed he could change, but he can't; or won't. I am not doing this anymore.

Callie

I'm so sorry. You have to do what you have to do and when you're ready. I agree. Enough is enough. Time to move on and live your own life, for your own best interest. Sorry you're back. I remember you.

Impurrfect

(((barblsn))) - sorry for the circumstances that brought you here, but glad you ARE here.

I'm also glad you are done. Even when I reached that point, it was still hard, so I'm glad I had the support of other codies to lean on.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

CanfixONLYme

Three years clean is really fantastic and I'm sorry you had that taken away from the both of you. ;( I'm wondering if there was an "event" (ie death or big stress) that lead up to the relapse? it boggles my mind that your ah was clean for so long and just threw it away... So sad for all of you.

barblsn

I have no idea what started the relapse. or if I'm honest, when it started. He was acting oddly before November, but I didn't see signs of use. I think it was just overall stress. I think he got promoted at work to a level that was too much for him and he just couldn't admit that to himself.

Last night I was reading my old posts here, and in most I say that I will know the next time he relapses and I won't stay with him. It was actually kind of nice to get that support from myself!

Ann

I'm sorry for both of you that this happened, but I think trusting once may be enough unless you want to go through life aware that it may happen again.

I'm glad you found support and comfort in your old posts. Sometimes when I struggle I think of what I would say to my best fried under the same circumstance. You got to see that, so be your own best friend and take very good care of yourself.

Hugs

Kindeyes

I'm so sorry that he has relapsed and wound up in prison again. Perhaps this will give you the time to examine what you want to do.....time to take care of you. Oh how I would love to see the A in my life clean for three years.....but I can only imagine the heartbreak of relapse after that long.

Welcome back......this is a tough time for you but we'll be here to walk with you.

gentle hugs
ke

atalose

They could be clean/sober for days, weeks, months, years, decades....they will always be one bad thought away from using/drinking. There doesn't have to be an "event" that causes it.

When we search for THEIR why’s it puts US into fix it mode. We put our thoughts and energy into thinking then repairing what WE feel is the cause of their relapse we tend to obsess over it and the truth is that's something that only they can fix or repair for themselves. I used to think that “if only I knew why” or “he relapsed because____” My knowing why or my making up excuses for him will never do either one of us any good.

I am truly sorry he’s relapsed again, but glad you found your way back here and are starting to figure some things out like your own growth in getting support from yourself. We do become stronger we begin that walk across that bridge to the other side one step at a time.

((hugs))

outtolunch

Good stuff.

barblsn

"When we search for THEIR why’s it puts US into fix it mode. We put our thoughts and energy into thinking then repairing what WE feel is the cause of their relapse we tend to obsess over it and the truth is that's something that only they can fix or repair for themselves."

Yes. I spoke to the friend my AH stole the most from to apologize. The friend said "this is his problem, not yours". I keep saying that to myself.

Thanks everyone for the kind words. I am confident in my decision to leave my husband, but it's still very painful.