well i screwed up and drank
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Join Date: May 2011
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well i screwed up and drank
I decided to go sober back in december. I wasn't able to actually do it til about 2 months ago. I was completely sober for 2 months which was the first time i did a stretch that long. I kinda told my self I could have a few at some point once i've proved to myself that its possible to stop.
then on friday of last week I had a few glasses of wine at night and woke up with the worinst head ache of my life. i ended up staying in bed until 7. even then i had to go dostairs and have a drink to make myself feel even half decent.
that was it, i was back. i drank straight almostly now for 6 days basically.
this is the scariest thing i ever went through. withdrawal for me involves feeling like i'm going to die. i have been on much much longer binges than this. i dont even care about the physical symptoms it the mental problems that it causes me which is why this binge lasted 6 days instead of 3 or 4.
and now here i am wondering if i'm going to die, from a DT or something. I dont even have a way to get to the hospital. i'm not sure i need to but i'm struggling.
I do have a prescription for ativan. i'm considering taking one to see if it helps me.
why do we do this to our selves. a normal person would have woken up with a headache and been like i'm never drinking again.. not me i went drank all saturday and then had that feeling that i needed to drink in the morning after that.
i feel like such a loser, i am going to need to get some type of treatment help i guess.
2 months sober than 6 straight days of drinking.
then on friday of last week I had a few glasses of wine at night and woke up with the worinst head ache of my life. i ended up staying in bed until 7. even then i had to go dostairs and have a drink to make myself feel even half decent.
that was it, i was back. i drank straight almostly now for 6 days basically.
this is the scariest thing i ever went through. withdrawal for me involves feeling like i'm going to die. i have been on much much longer binges than this. i dont even care about the physical symptoms it the mental problems that it causes me which is why this binge lasted 6 days instead of 3 or 4.
and now here i am wondering if i'm going to die, from a DT or something. I dont even have a way to get to the hospital. i'm not sure i need to but i'm struggling.
I do have a prescription for ativan. i'm considering taking one to see if it helps me.
why do we do this to our selves. a normal person would have woken up with a headache and been like i'm never drinking again.. not me i went drank all saturday and then had that feeling that i needed to drink in the morning after that.
i feel like such a loser, i am going to need to get some type of treatment help i guess.
2 months sober than 6 straight days of drinking.
You're not a loser, you have a disease.
I'm glad you posted and are seeking support.
If you are worried, please call an ambulance and go to a hospital. Detoxing from alcohol can be dangerous.
Detoxing was the scariest thing I have ever gone through too, and it was definitely the mental part that was the worst - paranoia, depression - just awful. But, know that you don't have to do this again.
I'm glad you posted and are seeking support.
If you are worried, please call an ambulance and go to a hospital. Detoxing from alcohol can be dangerous.
Detoxing was the scariest thing I have ever gone through too, and it was definitely the mental part that was the worst - paranoia, depression - just awful. But, know that you don't have to do this again.
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Cincinnati, OH
Posts: 28
((HUGS)) and support to you.
MANY of us have been there. *I* have been there.
I went 10 years being sober only to relapse this past fall on a HUGE binge of drinking and then again about a month ago. I went for days and each day I progressively got worse and needed more. Detoxing for me was HORRIFICALLY painful for 3 days. 3 days of vomiting, shaking, headaches, not even sure if I could walk straight. Horrible memories I don't ever want to relive for the rest of my life.
Why we EVER forget this pain and manage to put ourselves through it again I will never understand.
YOU CAN DO IT.
Do you have a Dr. you can consult? I don't know the risks of detoxing alone, but I know there are serious risks. I did it alone, and I'm not even sure that was such a good idea. VERY glad to be done with it, though.
I really feel for you. I have been there.
MANY of us have been there. *I* have been there.
I went 10 years being sober only to relapse this past fall on a HUGE binge of drinking and then again about a month ago. I went for days and each day I progressively got worse and needed more. Detoxing for me was HORRIFICALLY painful for 3 days. 3 days of vomiting, shaking, headaches, not even sure if I could walk straight. Horrible memories I don't ever want to relive for the rest of my life.
Why we EVER forget this pain and manage to put ourselves through it again I will never understand.
YOU CAN DO IT.
Do you have a Dr. you can consult? I don't know the risks of detoxing alone, but I know there are serious risks. I did it alone, and I'm not even sure that was such a good idea. VERY glad to be done with it, though.
I really feel for you. I have been there.
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Join Date: May 2011
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ya, i doubt i will be having issues for 3 days. although i'm sorry you had to experience that as well.
to drop off after 10 years, thats just rough. I can't believe i have done this to myself.
i tried to stop tuesday of this week, at that point, i doubt i would have been in any danger for withdrawal trouble. and i just couldnt.
i honestly believe i may have to have a beer to prevent a major health problem. does anyone have experience with this? just have a drink or two i am 100% confident i will only have a 3 beers since that is all that is here.
or i can take an 1mg ativan to see if that helps.
i am disgusted with myself, as much as possible.
i was so proud of myself for not drinking, and i decided to have just a few one night and it led to this.
really is one hell of a disease.
to drop off after 10 years, thats just rough. I can't believe i have done this to myself.
i tried to stop tuesday of this week, at that point, i doubt i would have been in any danger for withdrawal trouble. and i just couldnt.
i honestly believe i may have to have a beer to prevent a major health problem. does anyone have experience with this? just have a drink or two i am 100% confident i will only have a 3 beers since that is all that is here.
or i can take an 1mg ativan to see if that helps.
i am disgusted with myself, as much as possible.
i was so proud of myself for not drinking, and i decided to have just a few one night and it led to this.
really is one hell of a disease.
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Join Date: May 2011
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right i have NO intention of mixing it.
i decided to go with the ativan.
i didn't take it yet, but i am about to. if anyone is interested i will let you know if it helps.
at least i'm not addicted to ativan, so its a safer bet.
i decided to go with the ativan.
i didn't take it yet, but i am about to. if anyone is interested i will let you know if it helps.
at least i'm not addicted to ativan, so its a safer bet.
Jaked,
I think 2 months is terrific.....commend yourself for that time! Get back up and get going again, you have already proven you can get through the first part.......right? Remember the triggers and as they say, when you think about drinking, play the tape all the way through in your mind ........you know the ending to that story.
Take care of you, don't beat yourself up.......and move on!!
I think 2 months is terrific.....commend yourself for that time! Get back up and get going again, you have already proven you can get through the first part.......right? Remember the triggers and as they say, when you think about drinking, play the tape all the way through in your mind ........you know the ending to that story.
Take care of you, don't beat yourself up.......and move on!!
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Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 9
ya vicious cycle. u are right. i did good there. i went to bars, parties, weddings and i just drank water. i was impressed with myself.
when i started this sober trick, i told myself i'm not staying sober forever i planned to drink at my wedding in july, but what happened this time was such a disaster for my body and my family and friends.
I drank as much as I could for 4 out of 6 days until i passed out.
slept 5 hours. work up and did the same thing.
there was only probably the equivalent of 20 hours total in a 3 day span where i was drinking.
I think i am fortunate it was only 6 days, or i mignht have been in the hospital by now.
Its only 18 hours sober, but thats 18 more than i had last night.
and i know i will not drink tonight because a single 1 mg dose of ativan has taken the edge off the withdrawal. but i am groggy.
my local doctor said it is not a bad idea to take one, its actually prescribed for alcohol withdrawal at the hospital.
he scolded me about drinking and told me to get my head on straight.
he is right. i have work to do.
I learned a trigger for me which is what caused most of this binge. my dickbags of neighbors have 3 large dogs.
they choose to leave themoutside in their back yard by themselves for the whole world to listen to. i tried to go over there and ask them nicely to give us some down time and bring the dogs in. it almost turned into a fist fight, and she called me a spolied *******.
i returned with ur a fat pig *****. and now we have to stare at each other basically all day.
now thats stress. and that is why i decided to binge. i planned to drink any just not that bad.
this venting is makikng me feel better. if this keeps up i might be able to eat something solid tonight.
when i started this sober trick, i told myself i'm not staying sober forever i planned to drink at my wedding in july, but what happened this time was such a disaster for my body and my family and friends.
I drank as much as I could for 4 out of 6 days until i passed out.
slept 5 hours. work up and did the same thing.
there was only probably the equivalent of 20 hours total in a 3 day span where i was drinking.
I think i am fortunate it was only 6 days, or i mignht have been in the hospital by now.
Its only 18 hours sober, but thats 18 more than i had last night.
and i know i will not drink tonight because a single 1 mg dose of ativan has taken the edge off the withdrawal. but i am groggy.
my local doctor said it is not a bad idea to take one, its actually prescribed for alcohol withdrawal at the hospital.
he scolded me about drinking and told me to get my head on straight.
he is right. i have work to do.
I learned a trigger for me which is what caused most of this binge. my dickbags of neighbors have 3 large dogs.
they choose to leave themoutside in their back yard by themselves for the whole world to listen to. i tried to go over there and ask them nicely to give us some down time and bring the dogs in. it almost turned into a fist fight, and she called me a spolied *******.
i returned with ur a fat pig *****. and now we have to stare at each other basically all day.
now thats stress. and that is why i decided to binge. i planned to drink any just not that bad.
this venting is makikng me feel better. if this keeps up i might be able to eat something solid tonight.
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can someone with experience tell me like what is a defined event or symptom that is grounds to definately go to the hospital.
i guess if I know for sure i should go there i will, and demoralize myself further.
i am also learning I think I have borderline OCD, which is extremely magnified when i'm drinking. its causes manic thoughts and obsessions after trying to withdrawll, theyh disappear after about 3 drinks completely. mood swings depression all the things that are mentally bad for you.
i stew over things for hours and drive my family crazy because of my whining about things that happened me.
When I am done with this, i will just be saying, F the neighbors lets just get a bigger fence or something. right now i can't stop stewing about how bad this turned out
i guess if I know for sure i should go there i will, and demoralize myself further.
i am also learning I think I have borderline OCD, which is extremely magnified when i'm drinking. its causes manic thoughts and obsessions after trying to withdrawll, theyh disappear after about 3 drinks completely. mood swings depression all the things that are mentally bad for you.
i stew over things for hours and drive my family crazy because of my whining about things that happened me.
When I am done with this, i will just be saying, F the neighbors lets just get a bigger fence or something. right now i can't stop stewing about how bad this turned out
Sounds like you have a huge resentment against your neighbor because of the dogs. In the Big Book resentment is called the #1 offender for triggering alcoholics to drink.
Drinking because you feel resentment towards a person is insane. It's like you are drinking poison hoping they will die.
Resentment was a trigger for me, the program of AA has helped me to deal with it.
Drinking because you feel resentment towards a person is insane. It's like you are drinking poison hoping they will die.
Resentment was a trigger for me, the program of AA has helped me to deal with it.
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 174
can someone with experience tell me like what is a defined event or symptom that is grounds to definately go to the hospital.
i guess if I know for sure i should go there i will, and demoralize myself further.
i am also learning I think I have borderline OCD, which is extremely magnified when i'm drinking. its causes manic thoughts and obsessions after trying to withdrawll, theyh disappear after about 3 drinks completely. mood swings depression all the things that are mentally bad for you.
i stew over things for hours and drive my family crazy because of my whining about things that happened me.
When I am done with this, i will just be saying, F the neighbors lets just get a bigger fence or something. right now i can't stop stewing about how bad this turned out
i guess if I know for sure i should go there i will, and demoralize myself further.
i am also learning I think I have borderline OCD, which is extremely magnified when i'm drinking. its causes manic thoughts and obsessions after trying to withdrawll, theyh disappear after about 3 drinks completely. mood swings depression all the things that are mentally bad for you.
i stew over things for hours and drive my family crazy because of my whining about things that happened me.
When I am done with this, i will just be saying, F the neighbors lets just get a bigger fence or something. right now i can't stop stewing about how bad this turned out
Go see a medical professional and tell them everything you've told us here. Detox as safely as possible! Then when you're back to normal you can start fresh and being to tackle your problems from a rational standpoint.
You made it two months! That's awesome! It mightn't feel like it now but in those two months you've already learned a lot about yourself and have subconcsiously began to change your habits. It just takes time and patience. Trust me, soon enough having a drink will feel unnatural and being sober will feel great
Good luck Jaked
Well when we fall off the wagon we only have one option left to do and that is to get back in the wagon. Trust me I know I've fallen off the wagon so many times it drives me nuts. If I am lucky enough to make it till the 18th of this month I will have 9 months again!
If I can fall off and get back on and make some progress you can too.
I know how you feel as a looser but you are not a looser and neither am I!
If I can fall off and get back on and make some progress you can too.
I know how you feel as a looser but you are not a looser and neither am I!
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Hey, Jaked. Hope you're feeling better today. How did the ativan turn out?
For me, it was key to give it up once and for all. Every time before I would aim for a period of a week or a month or a few months, with the plan to allow myself one or two, as if I would suddenly be able to moderate. I would never even reach my goal, and would never stop at one or two once I started.
I think the reason is that when I did that—when I planned to have a drink at some point in the future—I remained a drinker in my mind. I was just a drinker who was denying myself a drink. And who wants to spend every day depriving yourself something you want? Then each day is defined by an absence or lack of alcohol. It was like there was a hole in my life that was just waiting to be filled. Not a fun way to live.
But once I accepted that alcohol was ruinous for me—that it added to stress instead of relieving it, and always ended in pain, regret, and depression—it became obvious to me that there was no reason to hold it out like some kind of reward. Think about that wedding plan of yours: is that any way to celebrate? Or is it just a really good way to mess up the best day of your life?
In my mind now, it's not about denying myself anything. It's about embracing all the things life has to offer, and refusing to let alcohol steal any more time or hope or emotions from me. I want it all—good days, bad days, the whole life that is rightfully mine. I didn't quit drinking. I started living.
Hope you're doing better today.
For me, it was key to give it up once and for all. Every time before I would aim for a period of a week or a month or a few months, with the plan to allow myself one or two, as if I would suddenly be able to moderate. I would never even reach my goal, and would never stop at one or two once I started.
I think the reason is that when I did that—when I planned to have a drink at some point in the future—I remained a drinker in my mind. I was just a drinker who was denying myself a drink. And who wants to spend every day depriving yourself something you want? Then each day is defined by an absence or lack of alcohol. It was like there was a hole in my life that was just waiting to be filled. Not a fun way to live.
But once I accepted that alcohol was ruinous for me—that it added to stress instead of relieving it, and always ended in pain, regret, and depression—it became obvious to me that there was no reason to hold it out like some kind of reward. Think about that wedding plan of yours: is that any way to celebrate? Or is it just a really good way to mess up the best day of your life?
In my mind now, it's not about denying myself anything. It's about embracing all the things life has to offer, and refusing to let alcohol steal any more time or hope or emotions from me. I want it all—good days, bad days, the whole life that is rightfully mine. I didn't quit drinking. I started living.
Hope you're doing better today.
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Join Date: May 2011
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thank you all so much for the information and sharing your stories.
i am still alive, so that is good. the ativan worked wonders.
I feel alot better today, but am now thinking about all the things you said about triggers for drinking. it does make so much sense.
I have decided to start going to AA meetings. I dont know how long i willl go for but I am day 2 of being sober. hardly worth celebrating.
this time my goal isn't a few months, its for ever.
I've also decided to make an appointment with a doctor to find out if i am having some mental issues. I am definately not normal. my family has been telling me that for years.
someone close to me thinks I have assbergers syndrome or something. i always just figured its no big deal.
without the influence of alocohol in my life i have accompolished somethings i'm proud of.
i want to get back to that.
so everyone thinks AA is a great idea?
comfrontations are SO much easier when i'm tipsy though. hahahhah
good night i'll keep you posted.
i am still alive, so that is good. the ativan worked wonders.
I feel alot better today, but am now thinking about all the things you said about triggers for drinking. it does make so much sense.
I have decided to start going to AA meetings. I dont know how long i willl go for but I am day 2 of being sober. hardly worth celebrating.
this time my goal isn't a few months, its for ever.
I've also decided to make an appointment with a doctor to find out if i am having some mental issues. I am definately not normal. my family has been telling me that for years.
someone close to me thinks I have assbergers syndrome or something. i always just figured its no big deal.
without the influence of alocohol in my life i have accompolished somethings i'm proud of.
i want to get back to that.
so everyone thinks AA is a great idea?
comfrontations are SO much easier when i'm tipsy though. hahahhah
good night i'll keep you posted.
Congratulations on the 2 months that you were sober. Seeing your doctor and getting things straightened out sounds like a good idea at this point for you. Everyone has different situations. You need to do what is best for you.
As far as the neighbors go, you can file a noise complaint, you can call your local authorities, you can call animal control...or buy ear plugs. Unfortunately, some people are very ignorant to other peoples feelings and rites. Remember, the squeaky wheel gets the grease...you do have a voice as a citizen.
Personally, I love AA. I think its great to have people (close by) that can relate to your situation. They can be of great help in your times of need. Try it and see what you think. Everyone has a difference in opinion to this but really enjoy going.
Wishing you the best on your new path...hopefully, this path will lead you to forever sobriety.
As far as the neighbors go, you can file a noise complaint, you can call your local authorities, you can call animal control...or buy ear plugs. Unfortunately, some people are very ignorant to other peoples feelings and rites. Remember, the squeaky wheel gets the grease...you do have a voice as a citizen.
Personally, I love AA. I think its great to have people (close by) that can relate to your situation. They can be of great help in your times of need. Try it and see what you think. Everyone has a difference in opinion to this but really enjoy going.
Wishing you the best on your new path...hopefully, this path will lead you to forever sobriety.
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Join Date: May 2011
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yeah. the hardest part is admitting there is a problem. Most of you here have done that. I seriously dont think I would have noticed it if it wasn't for the panic attacks I was having after a night of drinking. So I guess I am greatful for that. A normal person would say holy crap, I just had a panick attack from drinking alcohol, common sense, lets never drink again. not me. i just drank more.
Thats the disease. It is progressive. It basically takes over you until bottom out.. I hope I've caught it before that.
I just comfronted my whole family and my wife's family and told them all the missed dinners, excuses from stomach problems ect, were all from alcohol realted problems.
I want everyone to know, so next time I do it it wont be hidden from them. I see this as a step in teh right direction.
I'm only 3 days sober here. I am functioning normal but Today is mothers day and I didn't feel comfortable going to my wife's house because I still have quite a bit of anxiety. she asked me waht she should say to them, and that she suggested I just say that I'm not feeling well.
I told her no. Tell them the truth.
We have both made so many excuses. Me making them for her when she doesn't feel well after boozin and same her making them for me.
although mine are alot more frequient and severe.
First sober attempt 13 days. 2nd sober attempt 2 months.
I HOPE this 3rd try is the charm.
Thats the disease. It is progressive. It basically takes over you until bottom out.. I hope I've caught it before that.
I just comfronted my whole family and my wife's family and told them all the missed dinners, excuses from stomach problems ect, were all from alcohol realted problems.
I want everyone to know, so next time I do it it wont be hidden from them. I see this as a step in teh right direction.
I'm only 3 days sober here. I am functioning normal but Today is mothers day and I didn't feel comfortable going to my wife's house because I still have quite a bit of anxiety. she asked me waht she should say to them, and that she suggested I just say that I'm not feeling well.
I told her no. Tell them the truth.
We have both made so many excuses. Me making them for her when she doesn't feel well after boozin and same her making them for me.
although mine are alot more frequient and severe.
First sober attempt 13 days. 2nd sober attempt 2 months.
I HOPE this 3rd try is the charm.
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Vancouver BC
Posts: 64
Hi jaked
Well I suggest targeting the next 24 hours or even the next hour as needed to stay off. Just MHO but I set out some lofty goals and then felt utterly defeated when I fell way short and then drowned it all in an alcohol haze.
Be aware there is a condition called kindling which can create very bad withdrawals even from small amounts of alcohol. Its rare but can happen.
In terms of Asperger Syndrome see
Asperger syndrome - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Being a dual diagnosis myself to a degree with depression , be careful assuming too much until you have some clean time. Alcohol mimics a lot of disorders because it is altering your brain chemistry and it takes a while for it to re balance....withdrawal is just the start.
Good luck and my prayers are with you
Well I suggest targeting the next 24 hours or even the next hour as needed to stay off. Just MHO but I set out some lofty goals and then felt utterly defeated when I fell way short and then drowned it all in an alcohol haze.
Be aware there is a condition called kindling which can create very bad withdrawals even from small amounts of alcohol. Its rare but can happen.
In terms of Asperger Syndrome see
Asperger syndrome - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Being a dual diagnosis myself to a degree with depression , be careful assuming too much until you have some clean time. Alcohol mimics a lot of disorders because it is altering your brain chemistry and it takes a while for it to re balance....withdrawal is just the start.
Good luck and my prayers are with you
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Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 9
thanks for the advice guyinyr. The next few weeks probably 2 months won't be a problem for me. it will after that where I am most likely to break down. I just know that about myself.
I did do some asperger research and I dont think I fit that bill at all.
I also think you are right once i get a week or two under my belt of sobriety I doubt I will think I have any mental problems. it will be back to hard work and lots of excersize.
That kindling info is interesting, that sounds exactly like me. I guess the only way to avoid that is just to not drink. its scary that I'm doing brain damage with these withdrawals.
I get sick when I eat spicy foods. So I dont eat them. haven't done so for years. yet I get 1000x more sick when I drink, emotionally mentally everything. yet I continued to drink for years with those problems.
I'm assuming this is what you are all talking about when you say its a disease, and we alcohoics are truely sick.
I believe the only course of action for me to avoid losing anything important in my life, like my family or job or personal freedom is to stop now and stop forever.
thats why i think the AA might be the spot for me.
This is the first time I truely said I'm stopping for good. I have always set milestones, like 2 weeks or 2 months. And I did hit them, perhaps that is a good sign for me. but perhpaps the not drinking for ever is just going to be too long.
either way i've gotten myself into quite a mess. I hope noone takes this the wrong way but I'm glad I'm not alone. I dont wish what i went through on anyone, but it does feel good to know i'm not the only one.
I did do some asperger research and I dont think I fit that bill at all.
I also think you are right once i get a week or two under my belt of sobriety I doubt I will think I have any mental problems. it will be back to hard work and lots of excersize.
That kindling info is interesting, that sounds exactly like me. I guess the only way to avoid that is just to not drink. its scary that I'm doing brain damage with these withdrawals.
I get sick when I eat spicy foods. So I dont eat them. haven't done so for years. yet I get 1000x more sick when I drink, emotionally mentally everything. yet I continued to drink for years with those problems.
I'm assuming this is what you are all talking about when you say its a disease, and we alcohoics are truely sick.
I believe the only course of action for me to avoid losing anything important in my life, like my family or job or personal freedom is to stop now and stop forever.
thats why i think the AA might be the spot for me.
This is the first time I truely said I'm stopping for good. I have always set milestones, like 2 weeks or 2 months. And I did hit them, perhaps that is a good sign for me. but perhpaps the not drinking for ever is just going to be too long.
either way i've gotten myself into quite a mess. I hope noone takes this the wrong way but I'm glad I'm not alone. I dont wish what i went through on anyone, but it does feel good to know i'm not the only one.
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