penrose831

So I haven't had a drink in two days. That's pretty good considering 3 days ago I drank half a fifth of Jack Daniels while cooking dinner for the kids. Ugh, that sucks, writing that out, because that makes it so much more real. And the scary thing is that that wasn't/isn't an unusual occurrence.

So here I am, trying to rid myself of the alcoholic demons. I haven't really said anything to my husband yet because, well, he really doesn't want to stop drinking. So I'm sort of doing this incognito and on my own. He called last night before he came work and asked me if "I needed anything" which is code for "should I pick up a bottle of whiskey." I said no, even though I really did want some. I had diet coke instead.

Anyway, I'm here, just looking to reach out and connect with others who are going through this as well.

Here's to another day of being booze free!

Humbled77

Welcome! Good for you Penrose- That first step is really difficult. Cooking dinner, which I do most nights for my wife, was one of my favorite times to drink. It's still one of the few times I actually think about alcohol in a positive way.

So what is your longer term plan? For me quitting was quite easy for a few days, but it wasn't until I failed many times and came to the conclusion that I needed to plan things out a bit more have they really stuck. Doctor, spouse, therapist, group meetings, friends/family, SR?

penrose831

I really don't know, other than just NOT being drunk mommy anymore. I'm reaching out here on these online forums, my mom is sober...other than that I'm just trying to figure this out. My spouse drinks heavily and doesn't want to stop so that makes things a little harder. I know I can't drink moderately, its all or nothing for me, so I'm just trying to wrap my head around being sober. The only times I've been sober for the last 15 years has been when I was pregnant with my kids and when i was nursing them.

SSIL75

Fellow drunk mommy here Or former, I guess. 8 mos sober now.

It's hard when your spouse drinks. Mine does, too although not in a problematic way. And definitely a LOT less since I quit.

Anyway lots of support here. Keep coming back!

Humbled77

Devising a plan sure seems to work for a lot of us. Without support (especially with your stressful situation) it will be a very difficult road.

What you are doing is very noble though. My parents both smoked and drank. When I was 5 or 6 I told my mother that I wanted her to stop. She quit cold turkey, my father continued. I am extremely thankful for her decision. It without a doubt had a huge impact on the development of both my sister and I, who have both led successful lives. As for my father, he did the best he could considering his dependency, but died relatively young. My mother, she is old, healthy, happy, and active. She has been a big motivation for me to deal with my alcoholism. Nobody wants a drunk parent. Best of luck Penrose. Keep coming here for help and support. It really helps.

penrose831

Thanks everyone, I really believe that having a supportive environment will be a big help.

RyanRed

Welcome! Im a few weeks new here myself, and I can tell you from first hand this place is fantasic. Everytime I feel like I want to drink, I just pop on here and read around. Very good support!

-Ryan

CincyShine

Welcome! I can completely relate to you and your post. I'm also battling my own alcoholic demons and winning that battle - feeling better than ever and more in control of my life than I have in a long, long while.

Best of luck to you. Congratulations!

laura1978

Totally relate. Totally. I hate cooking for necessity. So I drink when I cook. wait rephrase that: Drank when I cooked. Always made sure my two daughters were fed and then drank until I passed out. I often didn't eat. I'm now sober for 7 days now and feeling great. I'm being more experimental with my cooking to make it more fun which is ironic really but it is helping. I make a point of looking forward to the meal and remind myself that if I have a drink I wont eat what I've made. Does that sense?

newwings

Yup, that's me...or rather, WAS me. I hate cooking, really - three picky people have kinda killed any joy that it once had, so I used to drink through cooking dinner...feed them all and then drift off to finish my bottle of wine rather than eat what I'd made, because by then all of them had bitched about it so much it had lost all of it's pleasure. I can now report that after 20 days, I've regained *some* interest in cooking...and I'm eating dinner every night rather than having a 'liquid' dinner.

laura1978

Its so good to not be alone. The shame that goes with this is horrible isn't it, but easier to cope with knowing that I'm not the only one.

DUNE

Welcome and congrats on you 2nd day. This web site is great for people like you and me that want to be descrete. This was the first place I reached out for help, and the support was unbelievable. The best thing that I was told here was to get more help, and go to a aa meeting. It's hard but every time I have sought help when I needed it, it has been the best thing for me. First I came here, then I went to my first aa meeting. That was one year ago. After the first 40 days I relapsed. Going back to aa was so hard, but when I got there it felt so good. Just like coming here for the first time did. Admiting to someone else, even online, that I've got a problem was really difficult. And doing it in person, even more so.

8 days ago I called a good friend of mine in aa and told him that I had been on a 5 day drinking binge and was a total wreck (physicaly and mentaly). He said "Don't worry, I got your back. Get dressed, I'll be there in 20 min" He took me to a meeting and hung out with me that night.

I've got a list of guys that would do the same for me. And I would do the same for them as well. The most time I've had so far is 5 1/2 months. But I honestly feel that it's not the time, it's the quality. The support that I have now from the guys I know so well is so hard to describe. It has made my recovery possible and keeps me trying no matter how many times I feel like giving up the idea of trying to quit.

And it's not just them being there for me in moments like that. That same guy took me on a road trip this past weekend. We met up with about 30 different people, none of whom I knew, to celebrate someones birthday. We all joked around, cooked, ate, and danced like we were insane until 2:00am, then laid all our sleeping bags out in the living room, tuned off the lights, and kept joking around for another hour. It was like one big slumber party. During the day we went to a rodeo and a national park that was breath taking. We had a 5 hour ride back home and gave 3 people we just met that weekend a lift. It was non stop laughs all the way home. It was the most fun I have had in about 7 years, and definitely the most fun sober, ever!

All that because I continued to reach out for help, and was so willingly given it from the people who shared the same problem I have. Alcoholism.

Congrats again for posting on this site. It may be your first step to reaching out, but I hope it will not be your last. If you do get to a aa meeting you will not regret it.

Dune

IamAlcoholic

I agree with RyanRed. I am only 48hrs sober myself and even when the slightest urge to drink appears I just jump on this site and have a read of people's stories, like your own, which reminds me why I have chosen to take action rather than procrastinate.

lizisme

Awesome! You made me laugh when I read about the code for getting booze, I remember that well, every time I would um ah but it would always end in YES! Keep up the good work :-)

laura1978

ha yep - us too. "shall I get some wine?" or "do you fancy a beer tonight?" and I go. "uuuumm - nah - not unless you want to? Maybe get a couple just in case... - I probably won't have" - I always do... DID!

Bikeguy

Your right no one wants to be a drunk parent, I was a drunk parent for most of my children's lives so far they are 10 & 8. I know I can't get those times back but I can do my best going forward, it has been so rewarding being sober for them. I go to their activities, play outside with them and just talk to them (and actually remember the conversation). Our children love us unconditionally when they are young and we should do everything in our power to be the best parents we can, for me that means never drinking again. If you can't do it for yourself do it for your kids.

LoftyIdeals

Well done, and for good reason. Kids, family, self, marriage, job, finances are all good reasons. Plus, the world is just too damned complex to be drunk. Keep it up.

jimmydean

Great messages everyone who has posted. Keep up the battle penrose, visit here often for support. Do it for your own sake and for the sake of your kids.

One of the things that has become really important to me lately is being conscience of the example we are setting for our children. You cant make your husband stop but you can work on yourself, your kids will notice and will appreciate it.

CriticalMass

I know the draw of Jack. You can do this! Congrats on 2 days!

RebelAngel

So many unhappy mothers 'coping' with the cooking, cleaning etc by drinking ourselves stupid while the kids get another day older.

Yeah, my hand's up too!! Much better now though. Please stick around, life is SOO much better sober.

Congrats on staying strong so far. There's so much help & support here. I wish you all the best.