almay777

Ok, so I am not very good at this. I also understand the concept of this being a progressive diease. I have managed to graduate from drinking 1 bottle of wine a night to 2. This also means my hangovers have graduated from being really bad to unbearable and a plan of action needed to just get through the day.
I have been trying to reflect on what makes me drink, even when I do not want to and have come up with the following: habit, to feel normal (yes the hangovers are that bad now), to help to sleep in the evenings, depressed (in the main because I know I should not drink), but the main one that keeps flitting back is boredom. Once my son is in bed I just sit there. One thing that keeps playing over in my mind is advice from Dee: What will you do differently?
So, I was halfway through a long distance degree (paid for by work) until I decided I would rather drink instead. So I have put myself forward today for another advanced diploma paper. The exam is in October and I have to pass it or I have to foot the bill. I am also quite competitive and absolutely hate to fail so intend to use my spare time in the evening to study as hard as I can.
I am on day 2.

billsaintjames

D. Drew had a great quote related to this: Boredom for addicts is really depression. I'm not attempting to give second-hand medical advice but that really resonated for me.

SSIL75

It was a turning point for me when I realized that the reason I drank was because I'm an alcoholic.

Normal people when depressed go on anti-depressants or try one of the many other ways to get out of it. Alcoholics drink. It's what we do.

I don't believe you will get out of this until you fully accept you're an alcoholic and you need an alcoholic's solution to recover.

I continue to wish you well

almay777

I know I am an alcholic. I think 2 bottles of wine daily regardless of how rough you feel is a pretty good symtom for alcoholism. I do desparately want to be free of it and am trying my best to think of ways to keep myself busy so i do not turn to drink.
If you thought I am in denial you are very wrong - I completely understand and accept what I am. Thats why I am here looking for support. Thats why no matter how many times i screw up I still come back here looking for support.

Auggie

Good question. Congratulations on day 2! It sounds like you have a some great goals to work towards. Glad you are back.

keithj

It's good advice. Have others found lasting sobriety by using their spare time in the evening to study hard? Why do you think that keeping yourself busy is a solution to alcoholism?

almay777

I don't think studying hard is a solution. But I need a short term plan to try and eliminate thoughts of drinking and I thought by giving myself a goal, something to work towards, it may help. Its not a reason as I have plenty of reasons to stop including a wonderful little boy. But it is something to do other then drink. I am hoping it will be a good start. I seem to be struggling most with day 3 at the moment; have not got past this point since my 69 day sober time before Xmas. So tomorrow will be a real challenge for me. But I am going to do everything in my power to ensure I'm still around on day 4.

CarolD

Hmm....

With my committment to AA and living the program I've been
mad...sad....and glad but never bored...

SSIL75

For me the problem with 'keeping busy' was that it just didn't address the drinking. It did help me to actively choose a different thing to do every time I felt like drinking.

ie - "My kids are driving me insane and I feel like drinking. What do normal people do when their kids are driving them mad? I guess they drink some tea and drink it in the garden while their kids play". And I would go through the motions of that. It felt like an outer-body experience watching myself put on the kettle.

I did things like that multiple times a day. It really felt like I was rewiring my brain. I had to first identify the alcoholic thought though. Identify it (AVRT) and choose an alternative action.

I'm glad you keep coming back!

PapaNico

Taking one's mind off of our nemesis is useful up to a point, but it is also easier said than done, if you ask me. When I get myself into trouble, I dwell on it so badly that it ends up just becoming a vicious cycle: get wasted, get pissed at myself, get wasted, get angry... over and over again; it's no way to live! Separation is the only thing that really helps me. If I can put some distance between the bottle and me, inevitably things get better. My last stint of 5 days was a great start for me, but I was still getting used to it. I should have given it more time, but I didn't, sadly I caved. Now I find myself paying attention to what people have suggested I do. Move on, and learn from my mistakes. I will, and SR is just a fantastic distraction to help me with it. While often times the topic is alcohol, it is productive discussion that enables me (us) to focus on staying sober.

Anna

Almay, I do think that taking action and keeping busy can help.

Often alcoholics are consumed and obsessed by the thoughts running around in their minds. I found that changing my daily routines and patterns helped me a lot by simply stopping the 'habit' part of drinking. Then I had to find things to do that would help me move forward in recovery. I decided to start taking long walks after supper which was a very difficult time for me. In a matter of weeks, I was seeing results in so many ways. I felt better physically of course, I felt stronger, my mind began to slow down when I was walking and I found myself caught up in watching people or nature. Sometimes my husband would come with me and it became a bonding experience because we talked to each other, uninterrupted by technology. I truly believe that each change we make causes a ripple effect in our lives.

Kjell

Hi Almay-

A big turning point in my sobriety was when I realized I was my own problem and that my solution to my alcoholism simply wasn't going to come from my own, sick alcoholic brain.

Maybe it's time to let go of some old ideas?

Action is needed, not more thought. Action, move forward in the footsteps of those who have recovered before you.

Kjell~

doggonecarl

Almay, you have struggled with this mightily, for months and months. Apply that competitive spirit to your recovery. You could look at it like a Pass/Fail course--Pass and you are granted a sober life, fail...well, you know what failure means. And the misery gets worse.

The good news is recovery has a study group. It's called alcoholics anonymous.

Wishing you luck.

OklaBH

NOW that makes sense!!

artsoul

almay - I'm so sorry you've been struggling so much. Can you get to a doctor? My hangovers got really really bad at the end when I was drinking one bottle of wine most nights..... I think our bodies can only take so much.

Have you ever been to inpatient? Sometimes we have to think in terms of saving our lives, because this will take us down just as surely as any other disease.

We're here...... :ghug3

FrothyJay

As long as I tried to determine what made me drink, I tried to figure out what would help me not drink.
When I realized I drank because I was an alcoholic, I then understood that my circumstances and environment had nothing to do with my drinking. The scenery changed, but I never did.

There was no magical combination of hobbies, food and activities that was going to create the internal change that was required to recover.

SSIL75

I'm remembering now that you weren't happy during your sober time last year. Did you talk to the doctor about SSRI's or other therapies for depression? That can make a huge difference.

EmeraldRose

Action is the key.
Positive thoughts create positive actions hence positive results.
I had never cared while I drank except for the simple fact that I'm an alcoholic. I drank because I could. My whole life was based around booze, therefore, I had no sober thoughts on feelings and emotions. I always ran to booze. There were a few situations in my life as to why I drank but in hindsight I probably could have gotten by without drinking and dealt with my problems differently.
I have changed my WHOLE outlook on life, myself, relationships -things I do and things I don't need to do.
My husband and I separated last August. I moved, I started a new job, I had new habits and thought that 'the new me' would be successful. Well, guess what? The new me forgot that the old problems were still there...my whole scenario of life may have changed but I didn't change one thing...my drinking. So, back to the bottle I went...lost my job, decided rehab was best, changed alot of things and took action on alot of things. Now, I'm different. I'm in control, I'm on the path, things are good. I am learning to behave the way I should sober. Never did that before.
Its' great if you can keep your mind busy on a daily basis to get by. But you don't just want to keep your mind thinking you need to change your thinking.
I wish you the best...it is not easy and you are doing a great job -here's to day 3.

almay777

Morning all, thanks so much for words of support. I'm on day 3 and feel ok. Slept a bit more last night albeit I struggled to get up this morning.
I hate what I am when I'm drunk and have made some terrible mistakes, mistakes I never would have made sober. I would love to change my outlook and start respecting myself again but feel this is something that is going to take a long time.
This is why I thought a project of sorts to take my mind away from thoughts of drinking would help get me over the first 6 months, whilst making gradual changes to my life. I have not been sober for 6 months for nearly 9 years. In 9 years I had one 3 month break about 6 years ago, and 69 days sober just before Xmas. Other then this I am a daily drinker, always drinking until drunk.
I cannot believe I have spent nearly 9 years drunk or hungover. What a waste :-(

SSIL75

It is a waste. And it was longer than that for me! I think my daily drinking started after I left home so 1998. I quit in 2010. 12 years! Including the first 4 years of my son's life