Questions re living with a RAH
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 290
Questions re living with a RAH
Hi all,
it has been a while since I've last been here. I've been busy living my life
RAH has been sober for about 9 months (or a little longer?) and I've recently moved back in with him. Life is good for the most part. We still run into problems every now and then and trying to communicate better and are starting couple's counseling within the next few weeks. But, I feel like I might be starting to get too comfortable with his sobriety. It's nice to have him sober and I've gotten used to it. BUT, I want to make sure that I won't end up in the same place I was in a year ago. I know and keep hearing that relapse is very likely, especially in the first few months/ years. So, I feel like I should somehow prepare myself.... maybe figure out a game plan for what to do if it does happen? Problem is I don't know if it's realistic to think that I will stick to my plan once I am back in that situation. Right now I'm thinking: if he does drink, I just continue on living MY life and if his behavior gets out of control and affects me (i.e. he steps all over my boundaries), I will leave! But, is that realistic? I would love to hear your experiences!
it has been a while since I've last been here. I've been busy living my life
RAH has been sober for about 9 months (or a little longer?) and I've recently moved back in with him. Life is good for the most part. We still run into problems every now and then and trying to communicate better and are starting couple's counseling within the next few weeks. But, I feel like I might be starting to get too comfortable with his sobriety. It's nice to have him sober and I've gotten used to it. BUT, I want to make sure that I won't end up in the same place I was in a year ago. I know and keep hearing that relapse is very likely, especially in the first few months/ years. So, I feel like I should somehow prepare myself.... maybe figure out a game plan for what to do if it does happen? Problem is I don't know if it's realistic to think that I will stick to my plan once I am back in that situation. Right now I'm thinking: if he does drink, I just continue on living MY life and if his behavior gets out of control and affects me (i.e. he steps all over my boundaries), I will leave! But, is that realistic? I would love to hear your experiences!
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 205
Game Plan that is what I have to work on. I cant get to comfortable this time, my husband relapsed after 2 years of being sober. It just hurts to much and I wont let my guard down this time. Somedays it is a little to much for me. Hopefully someday it will feel like a spare tire in the trunk there just in case it is needed.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 674
Have a look at Cyranoak's recent thread. What we can all learn from him, that all we can do is focus on ourselves, on our own recovery, keep working at it, never waver.
Keep reading and posting, remaining involved in Al-Anon...no matter whether our As are drinking or not.
"We are the ones we have been waiting for."
Keep reading and posting, remaining involved in Al-Anon...no matter whether our As are drinking or not.
"We are the ones we have been waiting for."
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: CT
Posts: 20
I know exactly how you feel. My A has been sober for 3 months. I was at the end of my rope when he made the decision to get clean. Our relationship has drastically improved and where I felt I had no future with him as a drinker, I see there being a chance now. I cannot go back there. I decided to give him 1 chance and my boundries are set at leaving him if he relapses.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 290
Thanks for your replies
Makes sense to compare a game plan with having a spare tire. I guess as long as I don't obsess over what I will do, I will be fine! So having a game plan and then putting it in my pocket for when I need it.
Stepsforward - that is what I'm scared of, I think. Getting hurt again when he relapses.
How do you do it? I'm committing to a life together, knowing that there's a pretty good chance that he will relapse, which may full well be the end of our relationship... and then what?
Makes sense to compare a game plan with having a spare tire. I guess as long as I don't obsess over what I will do, I will be fine! So having a game plan and then putting it in my pocket for when I need it.
Stepsforward - that is what I'm scared of, I think. Getting hurt again when he relapses.
How do you do it? I'm committing to a life together, knowing that there's a pretty good chance that he will relapse, which may full well be the end of our relationship... and then what?
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