She relapsed yesterday...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 2,052
She relapsed yesterday...
...and I surprised myself by not being angry. Didn't expect that at all.
We talked this morning, she was honest (another first), and I was actually able to tell her I love her, but that I won't go down the road with her again as it starts getting worse.
We'll see what she does, and how she responds to this relapse. She has not been working her program as vigorously, and was only going to two meetings a week. I've been staying out of it, which is killing me, but I have to be honest that I saw this coming.
This next month or two is going to be a defining time. I may very well find myself getting my own place. I'm actually kind of looking forward to it. That's weird.
The only part that's really stressing me out is that I have to go back East for work the next three days, and I'm scared to leave her alone with daughter. Daughter and I have talked, and there is a contingency plan, but still.
Thanks for listening.
Have a nice day.
Cyranoak
We talked this morning, she was honest (another first), and I was actually able to tell her I love her, but that I won't go down the road with her again as it starts getting worse.
We'll see what she does, and how she responds to this relapse. She has not been working her program as vigorously, and was only going to two meetings a week. I've been staying out of it, which is killing me, but I have to be honest that I saw this coming.
This next month or two is going to be a defining time. I may very well find myself getting my own place. I'm actually kind of looking forward to it. That's weird.
The only part that's really stressing me out is that I have to go back East for work the next three days, and I'm scared to leave her alone with daughter. Daughter and I have talked, and there is a contingency plan, but still.
Thanks for listening.
Have a nice day.
Cyranoak
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Oh crap, Cyranoak. I am sorry. But you sound at peace with it. And good for having a back up plan with your daughter.
How did you see it coming? Was there particular little red flags lately?
Funny - relapse is something I don't fear myself...it kind of feels inevitable and therefore isn't a threat. I suppose that's what recovery does for us...gives us some sense of peace with reality regardless...
Take good care,
T
How did you see it coming? Was there particular little red flags lately?
Funny - relapse is something I don't fear myself...it kind of feels inevitable and therefore isn't a threat. I suppose that's what recovery does for us...gives us some sense of peace with reality regardless...
Take good care,
T
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
That sucks. For you, for your D, and your wife. I'm sorry. It's "funny" isn't it how we can see it coming... I have too in the past-- but unlike you, I haven't dealt with it well. Glad you were able to not be upset and have a plan with your D. Is she old enough to be able to get help for herself if need be?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
Ugh. I'm sorry Cyranoak.
Your hard work at recovery is apparent and such a good example. I imagine it is still hard to walk a path without a visible destination. My signature is something I want and walk towards. You already have faith in yourself and your recovery - but I'll send some virtual strength and peace anyway.
My thoughts are with your daughter too. Despite the teenage struggles you are a good parent, a good example, and a good captain of the ship.
Your hard work at recovery is apparent and such a good example. I imagine it is still hard to walk a path without a visible destination. My signature is something I want and walk towards. You already have faith in yourself and your recovery - but I'll send some virtual strength and peace anyway.
My thoughts are with your daughter too. Despite the teenage struggles you are a good parent, a good example, and a good captain of the ship.
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
Oh, Cyranoak...
I am glad that your own recovery is holding strong.
Much love and prayers for you, your daughter, and her.
I am glad that your own recovery is holding strong.
Much love and prayers for you, your daughter, and her.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Alberta Canada
Posts: 46
Sorry to hear that. Glad you have a plan for your D. Wow I hope I handle it as well and you do if of when it happens to me. You sound like you are taking the right steps. It still hurts though and I feel for you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: No Surf In Cleveland USA
Posts: 60
Ahhhh, that good ole "relapse dance". We can all only relate to that so well unfortunately. Sorry for you having to go thru it.
Because this is what you did so well in your situation and held back the anger. Let me just leave a quote from a guy named Waldo.
"For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness"- Ralph Emerson
Take Care Brother,
Because this is what you did so well in your situation and held back the anger. Let me just leave a quote from a guy named Waldo.
"For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness"- Ralph Emerson
Take Care Brother,
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
hate so much to hear this - but so glad you sounds so healthy thru it all !
Please continue to take such great care of you!!
prayers & good thoughts for continued recovery in you & in her!
PINK HUGS,
Rita
Please continue to take such great care of you!!
prayers & good thoughts for continued recovery in you & in her!
PINK HUGS,
Rita
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 2,052
Thanks all. I'm at work so can't respond individually, but it's much appreciated! I just wish I didn't love her so much. The worst part is watching her hurt herself.
She apologized today and it just about broke my heart. She's so very sad, and so very disappointed in herself.
I'm hoping for the best, prepared for the worst, and ready to do what I have to do whenever I have to do it.
Take care,
Cyranoak
She apologized today and it just about broke my heart. She's so very sad, and so very disappointed in herself.
I'm hoping for the best, prepared for the worst, and ready to do what I have to do whenever I have to do it.
Take care,
Cyranoak
I AM CANADIAN
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Niagara Region, Canada
Posts: 2,578
its funny, not your story but in fact that my mom said she saw the cycle...and knew when it was coming...and that was my grandfather the A...she did not live at home anymore, it took years to "see" the cycle of the sobering...and slowly the soda pop and then the ice...and then...beer, and then not strong enough the RYE....there was a cycle...
i do remember the ups and downs
i do remember the ups and downs
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Whew. It really sucks ........................... unfortunately it can happen to any A at any length of sobriety. Even me I suppose, IF I were to let my 'guard' down, and stop doing what I have done 'daily' now for almost 30 years.
There are no guarantees with recovery, and that was a real hard one for me to accept, not only being an alcoholic but also about those I car and cared about that were/are A's.
I think so far you have handled this fairly well, but I suspect your insides are churning, grab some tums or anti acid.
I don't remember how old your daughter is, but glad you have made some alternative plans for her while you are on your business trip, just as a precaution.
Am sending good thoughts and prayers for you and your family.
As a 'side note' I do enjoy your posts very much as you are very much like me (although I have 'mellowed' a bit with age, lol) blunt and to the point and you call a spade a spade. I like that!
Lots of love and bunches of hugs headed to you and your family.
There are no guarantees with recovery, and that was a real hard one for me to accept, not only being an alcoholic but also about those I car and cared about that were/are A's.
I think so far you have handled this fairly well, but I suspect your insides are churning, grab some tums or anti acid.
I don't remember how old your daughter is, but glad you have made some alternative plans for her while you are on your business trip, just as a precaution.
Am sending good thoughts and prayers for you and your family.
As a 'side note' I do enjoy your posts very much as you are very much like me (although I have 'mellowed' a bit with age, lol) blunt and to the point and you call a spade a spade. I like that!
Lots of love and bunches of hugs headed to you and your family.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: By a River
Posts: 83
Cyranoak, I'm so sorry. I ALWAYS read your posts, as you are so straight-forward and I learn so much from you. I've always thought that if I ever get to the point in my recovery where you are, I hope I can be just like you!
My prayer is that your wife is able to pull herself back up, brush herself off, and start again strong...for it is truly one day at a time. She did it before, and with your love and strength behind her, may she do it again.
And I have a feeling your daughter will hold up fine; for she has been witnessing your role-modeling as you have traveled this path together.
My prayer is that your wife is able to pull herself back up, brush herself off, and start again strong...for it is truly one day at a time. She did it before, and with your love and strength behind her, may she do it again.
And I have a feeling your daughter will hold up fine; for she has been witnessing your role-modeling as you have traveled this path together.
1000 Post Club
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 2,284
Cyranoak, in a way it's good that shes disappointed in herself. Sometimes when alcoholics relapse they think it's okay, "it was just one day." A relapse is not good but a one day relapse does not have to turn into full blown addiction again though.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Wild West, USA
Posts: 407
Ugh, I'm sorry to hear that.
Well, my relationship with my former husband taught me how very unrelated the steps I have to take to protect myself and how much I love him are. They just sit there side by side. I couldn't tolerate the effect of his addictions, and to this day I care for him as much as I always did.
Enjoy your own place if you go that route: I clearly remember the first night after my then husband moved out, lying in bed and thinking what an enormous relief it was to be in a house where no one was drinking, cleaning out the history on the computer, or hiding anything from me. It was my space and there was nothing in it that I didn't permit. Whew.
Wishing the best for you all.
Well, my relationship with my former husband taught me how very unrelated the steps I have to take to protect myself and how much I love him are. They just sit there side by side. I couldn't tolerate the effect of his addictions, and to this day I care for him as much as I always did.
Enjoy your own place if you go that route: I clearly remember the first night after my then husband moved out, lying in bed and thinking what an enormous relief it was to be in a house where no one was drinking, cleaning out the history on the computer, or hiding anything from me. It was my space and there was nothing in it that I didn't permit. Whew.
Wishing the best for you all.
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