A big hi to all fellow recovering addicts
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 9
A big hi to all fellow recovering addicts
Hi, my name is Scott and I am a greatful recovering addict.
I just found this site and am quite excited to be part of it. I am quite early in my recovery, 84 days today
I thought I would quickly share my story, very similar to everybody elses I'm sure but one thing I have learned is the power of sharing...
I have spent the last 18 years of my adult life living in active addiction, submerging myself in self-centred use of mood altering substances and activities. From an early child I never felt comfortable in my own skin, always pretending to be someone I thought I should be and never understanding why I felt this way.
Active addiction was successful in distracting me from me, from my feelings and from my true self. As the result I was stripped of my identity, my emotional structure, my spirituality and the ability to feel alive. What started out as the perfect outlet for the discomfort that I felt within, very quickly turned into a living hell as my disease of addiction hijacked my soul, my life and caused total destruction to everything I knew.
I lived a double life, a life full of lies, deceit and manipulation. My addiction became before absolutely everything, before my own wellbeing, before the wellbeing of my loved ones and before anyone or anything that happened to cross my path. Nothing, absolutely nothing could stop my addictive thoughts, actions or behavior. I was out of control. I was powerless against my disease of addiction and my life had become frightfully unmanageable. The isolation that addiction brought to my life was unbearable, I blamed everybody and everything else for what had become of me.
My mental health was riddled with depression, paranoia, delusions and psychosis – I was living a hell on earth. I hurt and caused mass pain to the ones that meant the most to me, to the ones I loved most dearly, over and over again. Death was a daily thought that plagued my mind; I had given up with the belief that I was a fundamentally flawed human being with no morals left, denying me the right to function as part of society.
I had attempted recovery on my own many times and failed them all. My last relapse was horrific, it took me to places I never knew existed and it brought me to my knees. I was more scared about living than dying and admitted that I needed help. Through the love of the most special person in my life, something that I will be forever grateful full, I found myself in rehab and my life began to have meaning. This most amazing environment, supported by gifted therapists paved the foundation for the start of my recovery.
I am now back out in real life, back at work, back in touch with my family, growing my spirituality, doing meetings, I have a sponsor and most importantly, I am clean today
Thanks for listening, I look forward to extending my recovery family around here and getting to know you
love & peace
Scott
I just found this site and am quite excited to be part of it. I am quite early in my recovery, 84 days today
I thought I would quickly share my story, very similar to everybody elses I'm sure but one thing I have learned is the power of sharing...
I have spent the last 18 years of my adult life living in active addiction, submerging myself in self-centred use of mood altering substances and activities. From an early child I never felt comfortable in my own skin, always pretending to be someone I thought I should be and never understanding why I felt this way.
Active addiction was successful in distracting me from me, from my feelings and from my true self. As the result I was stripped of my identity, my emotional structure, my spirituality and the ability to feel alive. What started out as the perfect outlet for the discomfort that I felt within, very quickly turned into a living hell as my disease of addiction hijacked my soul, my life and caused total destruction to everything I knew.
I lived a double life, a life full of lies, deceit and manipulation. My addiction became before absolutely everything, before my own wellbeing, before the wellbeing of my loved ones and before anyone or anything that happened to cross my path. Nothing, absolutely nothing could stop my addictive thoughts, actions or behavior. I was out of control. I was powerless against my disease of addiction and my life had become frightfully unmanageable. The isolation that addiction brought to my life was unbearable, I blamed everybody and everything else for what had become of me.
My mental health was riddled with depression, paranoia, delusions and psychosis – I was living a hell on earth. I hurt and caused mass pain to the ones that meant the most to me, to the ones I loved most dearly, over and over again. Death was a daily thought that plagued my mind; I had given up with the belief that I was a fundamentally flawed human being with no morals left, denying me the right to function as part of society.
I had attempted recovery on my own many times and failed them all. My last relapse was horrific, it took me to places I never knew existed and it brought me to my knees. I was more scared about living than dying and admitted that I needed help. Through the love of the most special person in my life, something that I will be forever grateful full, I found myself in rehab and my life began to have meaning. This most amazing environment, supported by gifted therapists paved the foundation for the start of my recovery.
I am now back out in real life, back at work, back in touch with my family, growing my spirituality, doing meetings, I have a sponsor and most importantly, I am clean today
Thanks for listening, I look forward to extending my recovery family around here and getting to know you
love & peace
Scott
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 27
Welcome to SR!! I am also from Australia
Thankyou for sharing your story...much of it is quite similar to my own and, I suspect, to many others as well.
I look forward to seeing you around!
Thankyou for sharing your story...much of it is quite similar to my own and, I suspect, to many others as well.
I look forward to seeing you around!
8
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Scott))) welcome to SR and thanks for posting your story. Congratulations on 84 days, and doing the work of recovery. I think you'll find this is like a 2nd home...lots of people here with similar experiences, in various stages of addiction and recovery.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Vancouver BC
Posts: 64
A big thanks right back cl3an, its good from at least myself to recall my own horrific descents during binges to those lonely places where as you say , life seems to much more difficult than death.....I am over 30 days now , renewed post my mom death and building the new ways and person i not only have to be but want to be , deeply want to be...and yes , go to any lengths to achieve it.
Hope for another 24 of sanity and sobriety
Hope for another 24 of sanity and sobriety
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 9
thanks guyinyvr & congrats on 30+ days....take pride in that huge achievement!
the clarity that slowly returns to us through every clean day is inspiring - something I am very grateful for
peace & love
the clarity that slowly returns to us through every clean day is inspiring - something I am very grateful for
peace & love
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