hope2be

Hi to my SR Family.

This is hard for me to post, because I feel like I'm back to square one.

My AD is living with me again, going to a meth clinic. I've allowed her to live with me while she is doing this because I was so tired of trying to be a single parent. I really don't care if this works for her or not, it gives me a little break which is what I feel I need right now. She is planning to move up north with her boyfriend and take my Grandaughter with her. At this point, I'm ready to let that happen.

I know this sounds cruel, but I'm ok with this. I feel that I'm no further in my own recovery than she is.

For my own health reasons, I would like to take a break. I need to stop smoking, attend meetings and start having adult friends around me instead of trying to find babysitters to go to work.

I guess I just feel resentful today. I'm tired of being on the fence with my future as it has been for so many years. I'm 56 yrs old and I want a life!
If I had not begun my own recovery, I guess I would have just kept taking care of all those around me and not even think about myself.

I am reading again (at least) on codependency issues. It's just so hard to make decisions regarding my own future without feeling guilty about others, especially my grandaughter.

Thanks for listening and huggs to all

greeteachday

Hope, it is just like on an airplane....You have to reach for the oxygen mask for yourself before you can be of help to others. It sounds to me as if you have given some thought to what you need, so please let go of the guilt and do what is necessary and give the rest over to your HP. Sending lots of hugs...it isn't an easy situation, but little by little, as you focus on your recovery, I know you will find your way.

Kindeyes

hope2be
Be gentle with yourself. We all have to approach recovery as best we are able. I understand the feeling that your life has been on hold trying to cope with your addicted daughter. I have often felt the same way. The process of recovery allows us to refocus our attention on ourselves and our needs.

You will be in my prayers today.

gentle hugs
ke

hope2be

I'M GOING TO A CODA MEETING NEXT WEEK!

My higher power is at work...when I allow my HP to do his work. Kept looking for an alanon meeting that was on my time schedule and googled codependency. Not only did I find a meeting, but when I called the contact person...I knew the contact person.

Small world, but my deceased husband and I went to a substance abuse aftercare program with them many years ago.

Baby steps, but oh so grand on my part. I'm still a little anxious about it all, but I know I need to make contact with a group and get my head out of the sand for good.

Thanks to all

keepinon

WooHoo!Very excited for you!

Nina Kay

Hi hope2be. I am a Mother of a grown meth addict son. I understand everything that you are doing and saying here. I think that no matter what we try to do, we always feel guilty about it. I'm very happy to hear that you're going to a meeting next week & that you have the special support of someone you know, to start you off. I do believe that you are making some really important choices right now. I also know that it must be so hard & almost impossible to do. You really do have to take care of yourself. We are just not young chicks anymore & we need to care just a little more for ourselves now. We have to think about our health & we've already been through so much stress & trauma for way too long. You do need to get a fresh start, a breather & get healthy or your grandchild will be alot worse off in the future because you might not be around at all for her if you don't take care of yourself. I've thought of this for myself & my grandchildren. I hope that you will be able to follow through on your much needed reprieve.
((((((((((((Caring Hugs))))))))))))