Sunn

Just curious. At this point I'm not making decisions about my life that don't need to be made (i.e. I have to get my **** in to a doctor and a program) but I've also been in a long term relationship for about three years. My partner is actually a recovering addict but not drinking like me. Something "harder." He's been fine with his issues. In fact, he's been great. He went to rehab before I even met him, he doesn't go to any meetings now, and he's done his thing and now he can drink socially or not at all and he doesn't abuse any drugs in any way. The problem is me. I'm an alcoholic and I haven't been able to commit to quitting yet. I'm working on it. I am not, however, ready to tell him. It's awkward because we live together and I hide my drinking.

What have you guys found out about yourselves when you've realized you're an addict and that you're partner is an enabler or that your partner is only appealing when you're drunk or on drugs or that your partner is so naive and clueless about your drinking or drug use that you think your relationship isn't meant to be? I love my boyfriend. He's a great person. But, oddly, I resent him for not seeing that I'm drunk a lot of time. And, if he does see, I resent that he doesn't care enough to yell at me. Not that it would make a difference in my drinking...but it might make a difference in how I feel about him right now.

This isn't really a give-me-a-reason-not-to-drink post. I'm just curious how people think of their lives, especially their personal lives, after they realize they have a problem.

Dee74

I changed a lot from day one to about day 90...sometimes I changed within the day.

Focus on your recovery for now Sunn.
I found mostly everything else can wait for a bit

D

Impurrfect

(((Sunn))) - I flip-flopped in emotions and feelings a LOT in early recovery. I was no longer in a relationship with my XABF#3, but I still worried about everything. What worked for me was just getting through a day at a time, sometimes an hour or even 10 minutes at a time.

I honestly don't think I was capable of making life-altering decisions for a while. Recovery is a process and it takes time. The answers will be clear to you the more you work it.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

MsCooterBrown

I am thinking if he has been in a recovery program..then perhaps he realizes that it won't matter if he "yells" at you or gets on you to quit drinking..you have to want that for yourself.

"What have you guys found out about yourselves when you've realized you're an addict and that you're partner is an enabler or that your partner is only appealing when you're drunk or on drugs or that your partner is so naive and clueless about your drinking or drug use that you think your relationship isn't meant to be?"

As for this part of the post..for me..once I got sober I no longer want to be around any toxins and my former husband is extremely toxic. I don't think I could have seen the severity of my situation until I had some sober time in. I wish you well.

artsoul

I could agree more with Dee and Impurrfect....... as long as alcohol is in the picture, our emotions and mental health is going to be out of whack.

I had lots of fears about what would happen when I got sober, and it helped to keep telling myself to take it one day at a time.

Maybe at some point, you'll be able to have an honest conversation with your boyfriend. He may not know the extent of your drinking (since you've been trying to hide it), or he may know from his own experience that trying to change someone who has an addiction doesn't work.

I think things will get clearer once you get sober, if that's what you decide to do. Prayers and hugs......

OklaBH

They say not to change anything major until you have 1 year sober. As for your boyfriend...you have a skewed view of the world right now because of the alcohol. Remember you are enabling you to drink. He isnt the one hiding the alcohol around the house now is he? LOL

endlesspatience

Thanks for your post. You said that "The problem is me. I'm an alcoholic and I haven't been able to commit to quitting yet." Would you like to tell us why? Can you run through the things that make you afraid of recovering your dignity and living sober?

SSIL75

I'm married and I've been sober for 8 mos. My drinking was an issue for us for sure although towards the end DH seemed to have taken a 'if you can't beat them/join them' approach and we drank a lot together. Still though he never drank like the alcoholic I am.

I do wonder, now why he stayed with me TBH. I wonder what that means about him?

But anyway we are still married and definitely our relationship is a million times stronger than before. But I agree with what everyone else is saying to not think about it for now.

Anna

I think you are realizing how much getting sober will affect your relationship, and your life in general. Time will tell if you're in a relationship that can make it through the changes or not.