I think I might be in an abusive friendship/relationship
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 146
I think I might be in an abusive friendship/relationship
Is this the "honeymoon phase" or whatever you wanna call it. When we ended , he gave me the guilt trip. Then I took the initiative to get back with him out of guilt and missing him.
Since we got back together a few times, he has been more talkative, loving and we even had sex which was waaayyyy out of the blue. He even said "I love you first" when I usually say it first
When we are together, he wants to know exactly when I'm working, what my plans are, my whereabouts etc.
I don't ever contact him first anymore because I feel like he will go away eventually.
He
He is an alcoholic. He tells me he doesn't do drugs anymore. His actions/behavior tells me otherwise like wanting money.
He knows I'm naive and will believe anything he says
I don't think it will get worse because I only hear from him every so often.
Since we got back together a few times, he has been more talkative, loving and we even had sex which was waaayyyy out of the blue. He even said "I love you first" when I usually say it first
When we are together, he wants to know exactly when I'm working, what my plans are, my whereabouts etc.
I don't ever contact him first anymore because I feel like he will go away eventually.
He
He is an alcoholic. He tells me he doesn't do drugs anymore. His actions/behavior tells me otherwise like wanting money.
He knows I'm naive and will believe anything he says
I don't think it will get worse because I only hear from him every so often.
Still Standing
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Here @ SR.
Posts: 3,296
Hi SarahBear. I just wanted to say to you that these are some red flags that would make me have second thoughts about allowing him into my life.
My advice is that you either be very careful or preferably, run away. He is not in a healthy frame of mind for a healthy relationship.
Others should be along soon to share with you, some of the experiences. Keep coming back.
When we are together, he wants to know exactly when I'm working, what my plans are, my whereabouts etc.
I don't ever contact him first anymore because I feel like he will go away eventually.
He
He is an alcoholic. He tells me he doesn't do drugs anymore. His actions/behavior tells me otherwise like wanting money.
I don't ever contact him first anymore because I feel like he will go away eventually.
He
He is an alcoholic. He tells me he doesn't do drugs anymore. His actions/behavior tells me otherwise like wanting money.
Others should be along soon to share with you, some of the experiences. Keep coming back.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
SarahBear
I think you did an excellent job of identifying the things that concern you! So at this point you can elect to stop the relationship now before you make a larger/longer emotional inventment or proceed with caution. Ultimately, that decision is yours but I think your radar is up and working and that's ok!
gentle hugs
ke
I think you did an excellent job of identifying the things that concern you! So at this point you can elect to stop the relationship now before you make a larger/longer emotional inventment or proceed with caution. Ultimately, that decision is yours but I think your radar is up and working and that's ok!
gentle hugs
ke
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Hope Land
Posts: 666
Hi Sarahbear,
I think you know the answers to your own heart, "this is not a place you want to be". As sure as you are sitting here, you are the only one in control of continuing on with it or putting a dead stop to it.
Rose
I think you know the answers to your own heart, "this is not a place you want to be". As sure as you are sitting here, you are the only one in control of continuing on with it or putting a dead stop to it.
Rose
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Vermont
Posts: 57
I see big flags here and it looks like you do too. What I do know is that alchololics/addicts will do anything to feed their addictions including lie, schmooz, tell you whatever they think you "need" to hear to encourage his own "needs". Alcholism is a progressive disease and if you fear he's using again, he probably is. Go with your gut and read some of the stickys above to see if this is a road your really want to go down. It's completely up to you, but if you are asking, maybe you already know what you are getting in to.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
I am not tracking " getting back with him" versus "only hearing from him every so often".
It sounds more like a booty ( or money) call than anything else.
Being naive is a choice and sometime an excuse we use to fool ourselves.
It sounds more like a booty ( or money) call than anything else.
Being naive is a choice and sometime an excuse we use to fool ourselves.
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