Joli

Hello,

My husband and I are middle-age. This morning I discovered 2 illicit plants
growing in a pot beside the deck. They are still there, and for now I decided
to not make a scene about them. Please note, this is not the first time I
have found plants. There were about 3 times I found them in our prior city,
and this is the 3rd time I think I have found them in the backyard, either growing in a pot, or in the flower beds beside his barbecue pit.

We have been married almost 14 years and I knew he used when I married him. He is also a functional alcoholic.
He has been using both since a teenager and sees them as his little vice and no big deal. My company has a very strict drug policy, and
I am very uncomfortable having plants on the lot!

The last time I found plants, I told him if he ever did it again, I would kick him out. My counselor at the time told me I would have to follow-through with my ultimatum.

So, what do I do?

Chino

Your counselor was right, otherwise your husband will do it again. If you're not prepared to kick him out, what are you prepared to do?

totfit

I think I would have to decide if it is worth it to you. If you want him to go, then its a reason. If you don't want him to go, then it is not a reason. Personally, I see it as not THAT big a deal, but it is your deal and up to how you see it.

laurie6781

Welcome to SR you have found a great place with lots of experience, strength and hope from others who have been where you or are where you are now.

You have been paying good money for a counselor, so I believe you have your answer.

Now ....................................... this is not necessarily forever. This is where in addition to your counseling AlAnon might be a good idea, as it will help you to set boundaries.

This particular boundary was already set by you and I believe he may be 'testing' you. Thus it is 'follow through' or be 'doomed' so to speak.

If while separated HE CHOOSES to seek recovery, that will be great, but because based on what little you wrote he is still in denial, I wouldn't hold my breath.

Only you can decide what is 'acceptable' and 'not acceptable' to you and how you want to live.

Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing as we do care so very much.

Love and hugs,

Kindeyes

If kicking him out is not something you can follow through with perhaps you could choose an alternative that you could live with....such as.....

Growing marijuana on our property puts me legally at risk and my employment at risk and it is unacceptable to me. If I find marijuana plants growning anywhere on our property, I will destroy them.

I dunno.....just an option for something that would be easier to follow through on.

gentle hugs
ke

Joli

I talked to him about the plants this afternoon. He said it was an immature thing
to do (he is 51), and he was pushing the boundaries. He pulled out the
plants and I hid the remains as he has replanted a pulled plant in the past.
Being a community property state, I can not legally make him leave the house.
I told him any future plants would be destroyed like all prior times.

My mind has been eased with the plants pulled while I evaluate his
behavior. I have other things on my mind like his potential early
retirement next year where I wish I knew if his use of both vices of choice
will increase.

Thanks for all your comments.