Sunn

My first post on this got deleted. I think I accidentally closed the window. ...anyway...

Tomorrow I'm going to be sober. It would be today but, honestly, I've been drunk since this morning. I don't want to be. Even as I pour the next drink, I don't want to keep drinking. I know people say that they'll quit tomorrow but I'm making a declaration because I can't make it to my friends and family. I have to make it to my new online friends because they might actually understand how difficult it is to say and what it means to say it.

You guys have been amazing. I spent five minutes telling people how confused and angry I was at myself for being a (potential) alcoholic (I'm not quite there yet!) and you guys spent hours telling me it's okay and that I need to get my **** together and get help. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

I'm about to go to sleep. When I wake up it's soberville. I may have setbacks. I may have relapses, but I'm in this. I want to be healthy. I don't want to be a slave to drinking. I want to be happy and content without drinking and I think it might be possible if I can truly commit myself and I want to commit myself and with people like you guys to talk to when I'm feeling lost, I think it's possible. Like I said, I think there will be issues, but I know that if I can talk to people like you guys, I'll make it through eventually. If I just try, I can make it work.

Thank you.

Dee74

Great decision Sunn.
see you then

D

Ranger

Good night, Sunn. May this be your last dreamless sleep.

CarolD

Hmm......
I just shared on one of your threads....
many members did too....

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...religious.html


Good to know you are heading into a healthy future.

Sunn

Thank you, guys. Thank you. Here's to my last drunken sleep. ..hopefully.

newwings

Sleep well, Sunn. It's been a hell of a night for you. I would suggest you get an emergency appointment with your doc when you wake up tomorrow. Detox can be horrid. Really nasty, especially if you consume a lot of alcohol regularly. It's wise to have some medical supervision to do so to ensure your health and success.
Your posts have moved me beyond anything today. I really, really know how you feel, and I know that you can do this. I really do. I didn't know just how much I wanted to be sober until I WAS sober, if you know what I mean. Wishing you a peaceful night and strength for the morning.

Zencat

Here's to a brighter future Sunn. Just keep moving in the right direction and you will get where you want to be...sober

Lipitor

Well done . Congratulations on an amazing choice.

L

BobGT

Welcome to SoberWorld. It's much better than that other place.

JTele

Well, tomorrow is now today, and I sincerely wish you the very best! I don't mean to be sounding harsh but, if I'm not mistaken, am I hearing just hint that you may not be fully committed to "this?" If one is truly committed to quitting, he or she really shouldn't be telling themselves that they "may have setbacks" or "relapses." It sounds to me as though you're setting yourself up for even more excuses if you happen to stumble along the way and that it "may" just be ok for this to happen from time to time. Conversely, I strongly feel that one should really be telling themselves that today is the day I'm sober for the remainder of my life. It's really about keeping a full commitment to yourself and being absolutely determined to follow all necessary means available in order to succeed. Again, I wish you the very best!

BP44

We all get sober today.

Sunn

You might be right, JTele. I drank today. I rather I hadn't. I drank less though so maybe that's something. Much less. I drank half a gallon in about a day for the past two or three days. Today I've only had two drinks. I know I shouldn't be happy about it and I don't think it deserves any sort of praise. The fact that I can't go a day without drinking is bad. It illustrates the very fact that I have a problem. Who ever has a problem going a day without apples? Or a day without watching TV? No one. This lets me know that I'm right that I have to deal with this. But, that you're right too, that I have to be serious. That I have to try harder. That I have to really look at everything I think and say and try to recognize when I'm rationalizing and making excuses for myself and my behavior.

Thank you, JTele.

SSIL75

The first day is VERY hard. My biggest trigger for drinking was always a hangover. Sad, but true. I am one of the few on here who had some success with tapering. I just couldn't deal with a hangover so I had to on my last day drink just enough to get rid of the hangover.. not enough to start a new one.

Choosing to journey away from all that insanity will change your life.

Sunn

Wow, SS, thank you.

That's why I drank today. Or, at least, that's why I said I drank today. I actually drank because I was weak. But, I was hungover from last night. I never really get hangovers so I was a little weirded out too. I always sort of wished that I did because I thought it might make me drink less, but after this morning, I thought it might make me drink more. I was shaking. I've never been a shaker in the morning.

I've read about some drug users doing a reduction program. I don't want to. I want to just NOT FREAKING DRINK! But, I'm glad that it worked for you. It does give me some hope that I'm not hopeless because I couldn't do it today.

Thank you.

bellakeller

Our drinking is not about being good or bad, weak or strong. It's a sickness and one that can be treated if we get the right help. Instead of beating yourself up, would you consider getting some help so you don't have to live like this anymore?

I was so in your shoes and so miserable about myself. Then I finally quit fighting the thing and got help. I went to AA. It took a while but gradually I was able not to take a drink. And my life got so much richer.

I hope you find the help you need. The way you're living is no way to live a life. I know because I have been right where you are. I am just glad I was able to get out of this alive.

Much love.

4thekidz

Sunn, I stop drinking at least once a month, currently I am on sobriety day 16. As controversial as this sounds, when I commit to stopping I give myself a "wean day" where I drink less than half of a typical daily intake, and that's it. ZERO the next day. This is NOT medical advice, just what I do (did).

It's staying stopped that gets me every time. But in 15 years I only have one stretch of sobriety longer than my current one, so one day at a time.

KellyToronto

Hi everyone:

It is timely that you talk about relapses being part of recovery, Sunn - I used to think the same.

But, at an AA meeting Saturday night...I've gone to 5 this weekend, including just finishing one!...the chairperson said something that to me is profound:

Relapses are forgivable, for sure, when you are in recovery, but they are NOT part of a true recovery.

If I am thinking rightly, he meant that, if you are in recovery, don't for a second think that relapses are a normal part of recovery....but if you DO relapse, forgive yourself.

I've had to forgive me a LOT.

If I drink after rehab, it is my fault - if I stay sober, it is my doing.

Goodnight.

K out

EmeraldRose

I never really tried to "quit" drinking. I tried stopping many times in many different ways. But I always ended up drinking. My husband at the time would drive me to the stores to shop so I wouldn't stop for booze. If we went for dinner we wouldn't buy our regular special beer treat, etc. BUT as soon as the anxious urge hit and he was at work and the kids in school, off I'd go to the gas station to pick up a bottle of whiskey. I wasn't changing my thinking about drinking. I appreciated the thoughtfullness in trying to help but it didn't stop me from the feelings I got. It didn't change my mind to drink. It didn't stop my addiction.
Not until I went to rehab and started AA was I ready. I was way ready. My thinking has changed, my attitude about alot of things has changed. I never knew who I was because I drank all the time so now that I'm sober, I'm also a new person and I can start out however I want because no one knows the real me anyway. Including me. LOL

Like I said in my other post...you'll know when it's time. You can say you're gonna stay sober every morning and end up drinking every day and beat yourself up daily over your addiction. I know, because I did that for years. You are not changing your thinking, your habits. Your mind will tell you all the time your gonna quit today...but your heart, your mind and your gut have to be in agreement at the same time.

Wishing you peace and strength.